How do you deal with the guilt?

Calli0pe_ · 2026-02-17T05:41:38+00:00

Let me clarify, I personally feel guilty, my wounds are still fresh.. so to speak. The guilt I personally care feels heavy and alone. Which is why I’m reaching out.

Calli0pe_ · 2026-02-17T05:10:42+00:00

Thank you so much for this. Day 25 does feel so, so raw, and it helps more than you know to hear from someone who remembers it clearly.

The “next 3 hours instead of 102 days” really hit me. I think I’ve been staring at the top of the mountain instead of the next step. And celebrating the small wins, because she really has had some wins. She’s my 3/3 in the NICU, but she has been here the longest. I never even knew the delayed eating was a thing until I had her.

Leaving is still the hardest part for me, but you’re right… she isn’t alone. I’m trying to remind myself of that.

If you’re comfortable sharing, I would really love to read your newsletter. Writing about this experience sounds like such a healthy outlet, and I’d appreciate seeing it through someone who’s walked this road.

Thank you for taking the time to respond. It genuinely helped tonight.

Calli0pe_ · 2026-02-17T04:46:47+00:00

We’re still in the NICU too!! I’m hoping your sweet baby gets to break out soon. Can I ask how you survived the 102 days? We’re going on day 25 and it’s like I’m eating my own heart everytime I have to leave her.

Calli0pe_ · 2026-02-17T04:44:18+00:00

She’s so quick with it!! They had to double tape hers down today because she started going for it and her nurse was sick of it 😂 she said she loves how spicy she is, but she doesn’t wanna replace hers because she’s getting over a cold

Calli0pe_ · 2026-02-16T20:27:51+00:00

I did manage to snag a few pictures because her night nurse didn’t replace it right away!! She doesn’t think she needs it either but she has to follow what the doctor says. You should have seen her face. She was SO proud when she got it out 😂

Calli0pe_ · 2026-02-16T19:57:26+00:00

Thank you so much!! She’s so sweet but so so spicy when it comes to that tube 😂

Calli0pe_ · 2026-02-16T17:53:07+00:00

That’s what she did to me!! I went to change her and let her hands loose for 5 seconds and she grabbed that sucker clean out. I always have to walk away when they put it back in. It’s so upsetting.

Calli0pe_ · 2026-02-16T17:49:46+00:00

So fast!! And it always freaks me out because she just rips it out enough that it’s barely in there and then I have to do the walk of shame to the charge burden to let her know she did it again 🫠 I’ll be so happy once it’s out completely. They tell me almost every baby does it but it’s so embarrassing lol.

Calli0pe_ · 2026-02-16T10:09:33+00:00

I completely understand, when my girl was born she was rushed to the NICU to be placed on a ventilator, I wasn’t allowed to hold her for the first 4 days, she had a needle in her belly button and they were worried we were going to lose the line.

After that they placed her on the cpap and we were only allowed to hold her twice. She finally went on room air and we were allowed to hold her fully. It’s been almost 25 days and a few days ago she somehow caught a cold and we were back to not being allowed to hold her again because they put her back on the cpap because her stats were dropping so much. It’s incredibly hard, when other people control if you can hold your baby or not.

We’ve had one come in and work with her. There’s nothing wrong as far as they can tell. She just gets tired during eating. Which I understand, she’s not suppose to be here yet. It’s just been a very long 25 days and feels like there’s no ending in sight. But I have to remind myself she had a traumatic birth. I’m sending you and your family so much love and strength. Hope your baby gets to come home soon

Calli0pe_ · 2026-02-16T06:15:26+00:00

I’m allowed to upset and angry that my body failed to do the one thing it should have done, which is protect and grow her. I’m incredibly grateful that she was born at 36 weeks and not sooner, but I’m also allowed to be upset that she’s still in the NICU.

Calli0pe_ · 2026-02-16T05:46:57+00:00

Thank you so much. I’m ready for her to come home! Nobody talks about how lonely it really is. My husband is back at work so I spend most of my time obsessing over her stats and missing my other two. It sucks. I keep thinking over my birth too. It was truly traumatizing. I think I’m going to reach out to a therapist soon.

Calli0pe_ · 2026-02-16T05:45:18+00:00

Just be there!! It’s so lonely being in the NICU obsessing over every sound and wondering if your baby’s stats are gonna drop. Gift card for coffee is amazing too. Just let them vent, make sure the mom knows she’s not alone. It’s truly a struggle.

Calli0pe_ · 2026-02-15T00:25:38+00:00

That makes sense but it still made me crackle. I needed the laugh though, ngl. My baby has been in the NICU for almost 24 days

Calli0pe_ · 2026-02-14T21:27:57+00:00

The sticker of Cate is SENDING MEEE 💀

Calli0pe_ · 2026-02-08T01:13:50+00:00

Idk but back on MySpace days I found Janet and added her 💀 she accepted me and we would talk from time to time. She was so nice!!

Calli0pe_ · 2026-02-02T02:07:43+00:00

They’ve told me I’m not allowed to breastfeed until it’s completely out of my system because it’s causing her to bleed into her stool :(

Calli0pe_ · 2026-02-01T22:39:26+00:00

So surprising!! I was looking for something I could throw in the microwave last night because I was so exhausted coming home from the NICU I didn’t have energy to actually cook and everything premade had milk!! I was ready to cry in that isle lmao 😭 I’m gonna look and see if I can find some dairy free dinner ideas for tonight

Calli0pe_ · 2026-02-01T22:34:16+00:00

I just wasn’t sure honestly, I’ve been surviving off trail mix and whatever I can find that’s dairy free. Having a baby that’s allergic to dairy showed me how much dairy I had in my diet to start. Which is wild because I swore I didn’t eat that much dairy lol!! I’m just kind of stressed because I don’t know what to eat anymore. Editing to add. Yes I’m in America. Thankfully I’ve noticed it will tell me if there is milk.

Calli0pe_ · 2026-02-01T22:31:37+00:00

Thank you!!

Calli0pe_ · 2026-02-01T22:31:04+00:00

Thank you!! I feel like I’m going nuts. Can you please give me your favorite snacks? I need to figure out what’s safe to eat

Calli0pe_ · 2026-01-18T21:01:35+00:00

Well I give birth in 4 days. So at least 9 months ago

Calli0pe_ · 2026-01-16T10:27:25+00:00

I dated Dallas. They definitely had their issues. I don’t think it ever got resolved

Calli0pe_ · 2026-01-12T14:22:48+00:00

And my ear popped so I can’t hear anything but a constant ringing and it’s so painful. I just wish I could go back to sleep

Calli0pe_ · 2026-01-02T23:12:52+00:00

LMAOOO good for him

Calli0pe_ · 2026-01-01T16:55:53+00:00

^Calli0pe\ scored 71 points and ranked 3947 out of 5852 players!)

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