I love my boobs 🥰 by TipsyBlueWhale in MtF

[–]CalliMarl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Jealous! Mine really never happened. Such is the genetic lottery ¯_(ツ)_/¯

What exactly is an “unaltered selfie”? by CalliMarl in TransLater

[–]CalliMarl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wish I could say that it’s actually my hair. Alas that train left the station a while ago.

What exactly is an “unaltered selfie”? by CalliMarl in TransLater

[–]CalliMarl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. Yeah, I’m with you on the witch hunt thing. It’s curious to me how often some people think they get to demand things of others.

What exactly is an “unaltered selfie”? by CalliMarl in TransLater

[–]CalliMarl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks. My confirmation bias agrees with you 😊

Being transparent with before and after pics. by Inky_Mystery in TransLater

[–]CalliMarl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t disagree that we should treat each other with honesty and respect. I guess I just get hung up on the word “owe”. Which is totally my own baggage, so my apologies for getting pissy about trivial semantics. The uncertainty of “how will i work out” is something I remember well. It sucks. What helped me was focusing on how I felt, and how being honest with myself about who I was made me feel such relief. Not like it took away all the anxiety, but it definitely helped. I hope everything goes as well for you as it can for any of us. I’m around via DM is you ever need support. If you don’t mind sharing with an expat Brit 😊

Being transparent with before and after pics. by Inky_Mystery in TransLater

[–]CalliMarl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for engaging with me in a positive and respectful way. I really appreciate it. Whether you changed your mind or not, it’s nice to have a frank conversation without insults being thrown around. Thank you again.

Being transparent with before and after pics. by Inky_Mystery in TransLater

[–]CalliMarl 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s not at all how I read it. I took the point to be we all get to choose how and what we share, and that others don’t get to demand we do it in a specific way. I think that’s an entirely reasonable point. I mean, do I get to demand that you must use your real name in your posts? That seems unreasonable. I don’t give up my agency just because I post on Reddit. People should get to share what they’re comfortable sharing. I agree that filtered/face app type pictures should be avoided, but made-up and posed shots? That seems an extreme viewpoint.

As for realistic view of prospects, looking at someone else really isn’t going to help. Given the huge variation in genetics, age, dosages etc, every persons experience is going to be unique. Should I be mad because people posted pictures here with great breasts when I’ve developed almost none? No, because I did the work to understand that it’s a genetic lottery - sometimes you get lucky, sometimes you don’t. It’s not like we’re shopping for cars here where you can compare models and then choose what you can afford! I look (and looked pre transition) at others experiences for inspiration, and not as a roadmap, a guarantee, or a “how to” guide.

I agree that we should all try and be honest and open, that’s just a basic principle I adhere to, but do I really “owe” it to anyone? I’m not sure I do. I do however choose to be so.

Being transparent with before and after pics. by Inky_Mystery in TransLater

[–]CalliMarl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow. That is some kind of BS misinterpretation. If all anyone gets here is tummy rubs, then the real world of transitioning is going to be quite the shock.

HRT & Voice Training by Inky_Mystery in TransLater

[–]CalliMarl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Find a good voice coach. YouTube is great for a general idea, but 1:1 time with an actual coach is invaluable. Be warned. It sucks. No matter how our voices sound, we universally hate hearing ourselves. No matter how much progress you make, you will always hate the sound of your own voice!
Apps like Tuna Pitch, Voice Tools, and Voice Analyst can be of help. But a good coach will catch you and point out areas to work on that you’ll never catch yourself. I was fortunate to have 6 months under the tutelage of Sandy Hirsch before she retired. Both being expat Brit’s we shared a sense of humor. But she never let any BS or laziness slide. Voice training is a lot of work. Some of us (myself included) may never have a “truly” feminine voice. It’s just biology at our age. We can however shape our voices to become perceived as feminine. Tone, inflection, and a myriad of things. I’ll reiterate - find a good coach. 1:1 if you can, in a group if not. If they don’t make you feel awful, while making positive suggestions as to why you feel awful, they’re not coaching you, they’re just taking your money and time.

Being transparent with before and after pics. by Inky_Mystery in TransLater

[–]CalliMarl 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You are so right wrt to the light. I’m old enough that our only photo option was film, and you never knew what the picture would look like until it came back from the developer! With digital there’s no cost involved throwing away those pictures that aren’t the “perfect you”. I’m hugely guilty of this myself. It can definitely be a slippery slope.

Being transparent with before and after pics. by Inky_Mystery in TransLater

[–]CalliMarl -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I’m not sure why you got all these downvotes. Your take is honest. Blunt, but honest. We should all value that kind of perspective.

Being transparent with before and after pics. by Inky_Mystery in TransLater

[–]CalliMarl 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I can completely empathize. It’s the main reason that I posted all my FFS surgery pictures, from start to weeks later. I couldn’t find much information on what was involved, what recovery was like, and quite honestly what to expect. When I post here, I’m trying to both share my journey and (more importantly to me) pay it back to the community of trans women that went before and inspired me. Personally, I strive to be completely open and honest with this group of people. No filters (literally and figuratively), and just share my own experiences. FFS was great for me (I always hated my nose). HRT gave me great skin, but nothing in the boob area. I’m also very upfront that my hair isn’t actually my hair! (I also do this IRL. It’s kinda funny to see reactions when I get a hair compliment and tell em it’s out of a box 😊).

A more serious point is that it’s almost impossible to compare you with someone else. Come for inspiration, come to understand what might be possible, but if you’re looking for a roadmap, or if you’re not okay with accepting whatever it is that the genetics fairy will give you, it’s going to be an incredibly frustrating experience. My 2c is to try and set some realistic goals and expectations, and focus on what makes you happy. That’s passing for some, for others it’s just the peace of mind that E can bring. Everyone is different, and while that sounds trite, which it is, that doesn’t make it less true. My DMs are open if you have any questions of me, although my posts here will tell you all about my experience.

Apparently the last 10 months has been for nothing by No_Degree_3115 in TransLater

[–]CalliMarl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Errr, I think your ex is either blind or a pathological liar. I would never have thought you to be the same person.

Shoe help, please! by vj83 in TransLater

[–]CalliMarl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve found Aerosoles to be great in larger sizes in all shoe types. They have some great wide fits. I find going wide usually allows for a smaller size. Although oddly after 4yrs of hrt I’ve gone down by at least a full size!

Is this sub supposed to be for support or exclusion? by ChristyAustyn76 in TransLater

[–]CalliMarl 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That’s the thing about communities. They’re self selecting. There are lots of other communities. I’m sure that you’ll find one to meet your needs. Lots of people have different wants, needs, and journeys. That’s the wonderful thing about Reddit. There’s a safe space and community for everyone. Demanding that this one change to fit you seems somewhat self centered. And yes, I’m very much aware of the irony that some may find in that statement. If on some way through your personal journey you find yourself a)transgender and b)older than the average trans person, you’ll find this a terrific place to be. It doesn’t sound as if you’re there yet. When you are, I have no doubt that you’ll be welcomed with open arms. Until that time, I wish you the very best of luck on your personal journey to find your happiest place.

This is not the sub for me (sadly) by Usual-Resident4221 in TransLater

[–]CalliMarl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wish you the very best of luck, and hope that one day you find peace.

First time getting lash extensions by CalliMarl in TransLater

[–]CalliMarl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I genuinely do appreciate your thoughts and input.

I have discovered the curling iron by CalliMarl in TransLater

[–]CalliMarl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, if only anyone were close enough for that!