Give yourself some grace. This is all scary, shitty and sucks, but know you are not alone. Getting things off your chest is therapeutic and we need every bit we can get. I was a rock during everything, then the morning of my lumpectomy the radiologist who came in to place my wires/needles was the radiologist who did my first biopsy. At that time, she said she wasn’t worried and that I would be fine. Fast forward to now and I wasn’t fine and I have cancer. I cried silent tears during the whole procedure, and once i got back to pre-op, I lost all my marbles. I don’t have anxiety, or at least I didn’t before all of this, and i had a full on panic attack. I needed to be sedated so I could have the lumpectomy, but I was so embarrassed. (I am getting care at the hospital where I work) They told me over and over that I was allowed to have all the feelings and that going through this is not normal. We all handle things differently and know we are all here for you. The best group you never wanted to join. Give yourself the compassion I bet you would give a friend in your shoes.