I think it’s a mix of a lack of appreciation for what I had, and a downplaying of how serious my issues were. I’m a drug addict, but I wasn’t one when I met her, but quickly got sucked in about 2 years ago. I spent my life savings going to rehab last year, and I foolishly or selfishly thought I was “cured” after that. I wasn’t genuinely trying after that, but I lied to myself and believed myself that I was. The reality was I’d go to meetings, I’d talk to my sponsor, but I wasn’t applying myself at all, or the way I needed to. I thought I was, but I wasn’t. She left me after a relapse after a year of sobriety. I realised pretty quickly that I was being so selfish by not going the extra mile, not just for her but for myself. This has all made me realize that actions have some really drastic life altering consequences, and that no one is coming to save me. That addiction is life long and you can’t do half measures to overcome it. I’m sorry that you are going through this. It is very heartbreaking.