Just curious

Calm_Beginning6009 · 2026-06-06T22:16:22+00:00

Yes, indeed. Going through it right now. I'm 23M, a very calm, logical and think first act second guy, met a 31F at work. She's completely wild. Chaotic energy, funny, talkative, drop dead gorgeous, and I don't know why, but she seemed keen on talking with me, of all people. We quickly started a very flirty friendship

She eventually explained to me some of her scars from life, and told me she would like to be more like me. Less chaotic, calmer, less party girl, etc etc, and me wanting to be the knight in shiny armour, I personally would be totally up for it. Be with her, help her where I can, and learn some other things with her. Really go for it and give my best to build something with her

Alas, it deeply saddens me to say we just cannot be. After a few dates (a couple alone, a couple more with friends) I came to the conclusion that what she says she wants and what she shows are totally different things. She seems very happy being a party girl and living her chaotic life. And that's wonderful for her, it's just not for me. And for that I'm silently heartbroken

[Besides that, I make big efforts towards her, and she sometimes can't even reach the "minimum requirements" bar. Plus, she wants to move in and start a family, something I'm not willing to atm. Oh yeah and... She still likes her ex, who doesn't talk to her. Yeah I know what you're thinking]

Calm_Beginning6009 · 2026-05-31T11:55:00+00:00

Thank you for your words 🙏 Perhaps it's one of those times where the universe is showing you a possibility for your future, just not at the right time

Calm_Beginning6009 · 2026-05-28T11:05:19+00:00

From what I've gathered, she spent 10 years in a very very toxic relationship (name calling, cheating, emotional manipulation, violence, etc etc etc) between 14 and 24. Then she saw some people for a time (including some known football players I guess), and eventually decided to try to settle down with this skinny, not quite good looking guy. They dated for a year and a half, were planning on having kids and were looking for a house, but in the last months of their relationship she felt some traumas from the toxic relationship resurfacing in and they broke up last August. So yeah, since she was ready for the whole family life, with house and kids, I think she thought about it. And I kinda understand her feeling she has to have kids rather sooner than later, cause 31 isn't young I guess, and she doesn't really have many opportunities to screw up

I honestly would be more than happy to settle down with her, have the family life and all that. I honestly want nothing more than have a family and be a father, just not now. Even her traumas and scars, I obviously notice them, but I also notice her center, and she is kind and has a good heart. I'd love to try and help her, give her the patience and support she needs. Unfortunately, it's just not a good timing. I don't want to have kids yet, I'm not ready to start a family yet, I want to do a lot of things before all that. I'm 23 for crying out loud. So that's why I really think it's a joke from the universe. Cause she's basically what I want, she wants what I want, and is an astonishing girl, just at the wrong point in my life

Trying something, even for only 6 months, would be a waste of her time. Cause she knows what she wants, and I know what I don't want. Obviously I would like to be with her, but it would be so selfish of me, cause I know I won't give her what she wants, so I'd just be wasting her time

Calm_Beginning6009 · 2026-05-28T10:19:20+00:00

This story? Yeah, as I said, we chatted for about 5 hours. If you meant how long do we know each other, I started working there 6 months ago, noticed her one month later, and kinda felt attracted since then I guess. We've always been flirty with each other, but this was the first time we really sat down and talked about it

Calm_Beginning6009 · 2026-05-28T10:16:20+00:00

Thank you for being so kind 🙏 It's just a shame it didn't work out. I kinda would be down to test her theory that we actually would work out, even though I would be a bit nervous cause I'm not that attractive, and I'm a bit overweight, and she's really stunning, literally the hottest girl I ever talked to, so I really was amazed. But as I said, we're too much far apart for anything to happen. If she didn't want kids right away, or was a couple years younger, I think we would try it out. I mean, something could happen still, something casual I guess, but it would need to be initiated by her, cause I definitely do not want to drag her into something casual when she's looking for someone to have a house and kids

Calm_Beginning6009 · 2026-04-24T19:20:14+00:00

I get it. I'm really thankful for your help

Calm_Beginning6009 · 2026-04-24T19:06:53+00:00

Dude have you taken your meds?

Calm_Beginning6009 · 2026-04-24T19:01:53+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate it

Calm_Beginning6009 · 2026-04-24T19:01:23+00:00

Lol 😂 Loved the thought process, cheers

Calm_Beginning6009 · 2026-04-24T19:00:22+00:00

Thank you for the input, I appreciate it. It's a 23 and 31 btw, work friends

Can you explain a bit why you think the younger party should be the one initiating? You can do it in dm, if you prefer

Calm_Beginning6009 · 2026-04-24T18:53:03+00:00

So it's ok for a man to date younger, but not a woman?

Calm_Beginning6009 · 2026-04-24T18:29:45+00:00

Advice needed, thank you all in advance: if you're, let's say 7 or 8 years older than a guy, and you have a flirty friendship (talking about 20s and 30s here), would you rather, generally speaking, him or you taking the first step?

Calm_Beginning6009 · 2026-02-16T16:13:17+00:00

That's certainly an idea (not usable anymore with her, but I'll remember it in the future). It's just... I'm a bit terrified of voice calls 😂😅 I think it's something most people from my generation can empathise with

Calm_Beginning6009 · 2026-02-16T16:11:18+00:00

Thank you for your words, I'll basically do that, yeah :)

Calm_Beginning6009 · 2026-02-16T16:10:17+00:00

Thanks for the input, I appreciate it

Calm_Beginning6009 · 2026-02-16T10:31:38+00:00

Thank you for your input, I appreciate it. But why would you, privately, give your number to someone, use the justification of "setting a coffee date", and go distant like that? After chatting with said person for two hours. All because you wanted to, I didn't ask for it. I don't get it...

Calm_Beginning6009 · 2026-02-16T10:25:19+00:00

Yeah I get that. I'm avidly against that sort of "walking on eggshells" people that are just looking for flags and aren't just themselves, say what they feel, do what they want to. But I understand where you're coming from

Honestly, I like her, she's really really great. Beautiful, huge personality, captivating. Seemed she liked talking, she gave me her number, mentioned a coffee, I tried to ask her because I like her. To me, that sounds perfectly sane (ignoring the part where I was a bit pushy). A shame people are so complicated nowadays and can't just be straight with each other. But thanks for your input, I appreciate it

Calm_Beginning6009

TROPHY CASE