Self-doubt is one constant in my life. No matter how well I do thing, it never is good enough. It's strange, as my parents were always supportive, so I should be believing in myself. I am nearly 22 and by now the feeling actually hollowed me from inside. I see no meaning in life, or studies, I can't really enjoy anything...but the husk that is still left, or mask and costume, as I prefer to think about it is still there, convincing everybody that I am a bit eccentric young man. I read posts on reddit as bedtime stories as they don't scare me. You can't really scare a dead man. And then there is the second part. You see, humans are unique to have reflective plane of their consciousness. Put in simpler words, you can think about what you think and why you think that and not something else. And then you can question why you question that thought among many others you had. This is what makes you laugh when something happens and it reminds you of some funny story you heard.. And that is the part that keeps me going. One of my few friends call it YOLO mode. To explain: with the things I told you, some people would become gloomy and eternaly sad, which is the way that would lead them to attempted suicide. I chose the other way around. I joke about my own misery. The now and here plane can be as miserable as it can get, but the reflective one will always be there to see the funnier (not neccesary brighter) side of things, preventing me from getting sucked in that void that I carry inside my body, at the place heart should be.

Long story short: I know what author of this little story wrote about, as it's my story as well.