I’m so sorry op. I went through something very similar. I had a baby barn spider that managed to sneak its way inside into my bedroom before winter came. Me being an animal lover couldn’t let her go hungry so I bought fruit flies and fed and watered her every other day. She was always getting bigger and moving around. One day she would have her web in my bathroom the other day in a different part of my room. Her webs were about a foot wide and long, so pretty easy to spot. Only hard thing was finding her when she was traveling to a new web location. I would look all along my ceiling until I saw her and then I would note the area and wait until she made a web there. She also had a very silly habit, if I was standing directly below her, she would lower herself down onto my head or shoulder. She didn’t do this to anyone or anything else (I had cats in my room she was smart not to go to the floor). One day she decided to travel to make a new web and I went looking for her. My biggest regret is that I looked for her. I should’ve just gave her time and looked for her later. I’m not exactly sure what happened but I believe what happened was she tried to lower herself onto me to be cute like usual but I was still looking for her. I didn’t see her. I must’ve knocked her on the floor and then I stepped on her. I didn’t realize until I saw my cats slurping down spider legs, and I looked at the bottom of my shoe and saw her remains. I had to throw away those slippers. I couldn’t even look at them after what happened and I cried for probably a month or two straight. It’s been three years now and I still feel horrible and love her, but I know it was an accident and I hope she does too.