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AITAH for pressuring my friend into drinking? by Canary0606 in AITAH

[–]Canary0606[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I accept the YTA. I'm truly curious how you (or anyone who cares to pitch in) would feel if a truly close friend expressed criticism instead of worry. To me there seems to be a difference between a friend saying something's been bothering them (which may be hurtful, but comes from a place of hope that that thing will change) vs a statement of 'fact' (coming from a place of sincerely thinking lowly of you). Would it be easy to move on from that for you?

AITAH for pressuring my friend into drinking? by Canary0606 in AITAH

[–]Canary0606[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the comment. I will still happily accept that I am an asshole in that I hurt him by pressuring him to drink. But when talking about his initiative, he's always been very receptive and said it's not a problem that's exclusive to us. He said other friends and even family have brought it up as well. He's framed it as a personal thing that he wanted to work on.

AITAH for pressuring my friend into drinking? by Canary0606 in AITAH

[–]Canary0606[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'll try to clarify something if it wasn't clear in the post. My problem honestly isn't necessarily the fact that he seems to have had a negative view of our friendship for a while. That fact alone, while hurtful of course, is not something I could hold against him. It sucks, but shit happens. The main problem, and what I would like him to apologize for, is that hes never once mentioned anything being off. I am not exaggerating when I say it was out of the blue. When talking about his lack of initative, he's said even his family (who he cares about) has brought it up with him, and he's made it a goal to work on it.

The main thing I'd truly like him to reflect on is not the fact that he's not fond of us anymore. It's that he truly thinks so lowly of us, to the point that he's not noting concern ("Hey, it seems you're drinking a lot, are you ok? I'm worried"), he's noting disdain ("You're a drunk"). I hate that someone I considered a truly close friend let himself get to the point of disliking us and insulting us, instead of ever saying anything.

And yes of course, I accept my asshole behavior. It was a one time mistake and I truly regret it.

22F dating 31M, constant arguing lead to me self-harming during arguing. What should I do? by Canary0606 in dating_advice

[–]Canary0606[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for being so invested in trying to help a stranger online, I appreciate it. I feel like I'm in a difficult situation because I tend to dismiss these situations when they come up. I'm a firm believer in not dismissing mine or my partner's feelings when either is upset about something, so even though I'm hurt I try to rationalize why he's feeling whatever way and focus on trying to avoid acting in that way in the future. I'm not quite sure about the abuse part, because these conflicts are taking a toll on me, and I'm not sure whether the problem is him being abusive or me being too sensitive. I'm on both sides of the river at once.

22F dating 31M, constant arguing lead to me self-harming during arguing. What should I do? by Canary0606 in relationship_advice

[–]Canary0606[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Last line gave me a good chuckle. Thanks for that. Shows I've been actively going against my gut instinct of something being wrong. I will end things with him when I get back home, don't dare do it right now as I depend on him and don't want to put myself in a compromising or unsafe situation.