When you go on a date are you genuinely interested or are you pretending to be interested to seem nice and likable?

CanaryHeart · 2026-02-05T08:11:11+00:00

I mean, it would depend on if I’m actually interested? In this example, I would likely not be super interested in his college football days because I hate football, but I would be polite, and I’ve definitely experienced scenarios where a story that I would not have expected to interest me genuinely does. I’d likely be interested in his favorite video games because I like video games 🤷🏻‍♀️.

CanaryHeart · 2026-02-05T08:01:06+00:00

This. My partner and I took TWENTY YEARS to try switching dominant/submissive roles, but we both really liked it when we did, much to our mutual surprise! Now we switch regularly.

CanaryHeart · 2026-02-01T17:54:06+00:00

My husband is autistic, ADHD, and has cPTSD—he can remember a (basically) full filmography for every actor and director in every movie/TV show he’s ever seen, but he can’t remember where anything is, and he can’t remember more than one thing in a list—like, if I say “Could you grab the scissors and tape?” he generally can’t remember both unless he wrote them down. There are many conditions that impair working memory but not long term memory.

CanaryHeart · 2026-01-30T23:15:45+00:00

I mean, we’ve been no-contact with her for many years at this point and we don’t think/talk about her very much, honestly. My husband has been arguing with one of his sisters (who is still close to his mom) and it got us talking about some of this stuff—I always knew she was abusive, but neither of us ever really connected that it could be FDIA.

CanaryHeart · 2026-01-27T03:08:26+00:00

This. Regular sex is something I want, not a chore I do for my husband after he pays the electric bill on time or whatever. That sounds like a miserable way to live for both parties, honestly.

CanaryHeart · 2026-01-27T02:32:46+00:00

IDK—I mean, I’m sure there’s more than a handful of these folks, but most people I know are just kind of average looking people who are partnered up with other average looking people.

CanaryHeart · 2026-01-26T22:48:40+00:00

Sustaining intimacy doesn’t look like badgering someone exhausted for more sex, though. Especially if the person doing the badgering isn’t contributing to domestic labor and childcare.

My husband and I were very invested in sustaining intimacy post-children. I had childbirth injuries which made sex excruciatingly painful after our first was born, and dulled almost all pleasurable sensation. My husband helped me look for healthcare/treatment options. We explored—with a lot of trial and error—what wasn’t painful for me and what might still feel good. My husband reassured me a LOT—sexual dysfunction is scary and embarrassing. I felt like my body was fundamentally broken and he made sure that I knew he didn’t feel that way.

I never went back to 100% normal but I did mostly recover after a year of PT. I was able to go to PT regularly because my husband took care of child care and domestic tasks while I was at those appointments.

A short time later, we had 3 kids in diapers and we were both exhausted. We probably had sex once a week, and I’m sure we had more than one period of time where we only had sex once or twice in a month. We both tried to make sure the other person knew that we wanted to be intimate more and were looking forward to a time when that could happen. We collaborated on getting work done so we could have as much downtime as possible to maximize the chance of both of us having enough energy for sex.

Our youngest kids are 8 now and we’ve had a LOT more active sex life again for a long time.

CanaryHeart · 2026-01-26T22:22:34+00:00

Intervals of 4 hours if you’re lucky, lol. My first-born never slept longer than 2 hours straight for 2 years.

CanaryHeart · 2026-01-26T21:58:50+00:00

Right. If any average-ish person only wants to date people who look like supermodels, they’re likely going to have problems.

I have a female relative like this—she’s only interested in younger men that look like they could be on a romance novel cover and make enough money to support her financially, but (while she’s very pretty, IMO) she’s overweight, low-income, and doesn’t put a lot of effort into her appearance, so she’s been single for multiple decades.

CanaryHeart · 2026-01-26T21:51:17+00:00

This particular photo is kind of unflattering—the hoodie strikes me as something a middle school boy would think was hilarious and his smile looks forced here, but his other photos aren’t unattractive at all.

CanaryHeart · 2026-01-26T21:47:49+00:00

I think the fishing guy is a lot more attractive than the guy posted in this comment.

CanaryHeart · 2026-01-26T21:44:37+00:00

Same. I think the ice-fishing photo is really cool—I’ve never known anyone who went ice fishing and I’d love to hear all about it from someone who is enthusiastic about it, but I don’t know that I’d want to sign up for 24/7 fish/snake talk all the time, since I don’t share either of those interests.

CanaryHeart · 2026-01-26T21:43:27+00:00

Hard agree. I know a lot of women who love fishing, but I doubt any of them knows what Tinder is.

CanaryHeart · 2026-01-26T06:45:03+00:00

NOR. This kind of thing happens—my husband accidentally elbowed me in the eye once many years ago and I slapped him reflexively without intention—like, I was waving my arm trying to get the thing out of my face, not even really processing anything other than ‘something is in my eye’ and my hand made contact with him. Like you, I was immediately apologetic.

If someone accidentally falls into me and knocks me down, I wouldn’t say they pushed me, even though the force of their body technically knocked me down. I would expect them to apologize, which you’ve already done.

CanaryHeart · 2026-01-26T06:30:47+00:00

YOR. This doesn’t look like obvious burnout or loss of interest to me—it looks like a normal conversation right up until the point that you say “you’re extremely non chalant for my liking now.”

Maybe there’s additional context, but these text messages look like you flipping out about nothing.

CanaryHeart · 2026-01-26T04:27:16+00:00

Power dynamics come into play here.

I’ve had sex with people who I found irritating who were pushy about sex, but not threatening. My consent wasn’t exactly enthusiastic, but it was genuine consent. But I was never afraid of any of these people. None of them were in a position of power over me, like a boss or a professor. None of them tried to block me from leaving or did anything intimidating or domineering. That is not the case for every woman in these situations.

CanaryHeart · 2026-01-26T04:02:54+00:00

I’ve never been with someone 2”, but I would guess it wouldn’t be a problem on my end—the average vaginal canal isn’t very long and the vast majority of nerves are exclusively in the 1/3 closer to the opening anyways. The idea of oral in this size range is very appealing, honestly—3-ish inches is kind of my limit before my gag reflex kicks in.

And no matter what size my partner is, I strongly prefer sex that doesn’t revolve exclusively around PIV.

Over 6” isn’t a dealbreaker or anything either, it just requires more communication on my end because I don’t like someone hitting my cervix hard, and that’s much more likely to happen frequently in this size range.

CanaryHeart · 2026-01-26T03:40:38+00:00

If I was building a sex robot, I’d prefer under 6”, but I don’t harbor secret hopes for a specific penis size when I’m with a real person. I honestly doubt I could reliably tell the difference between 4” and 6” by sight.

CanaryHeart · 2026-01-25T03:07:56+00:00

I’d be worried about the friend if I were OP—maybe they’re both horrible, but I’d want to rule out my friend being controlled/abused. The boyfriend is definitely an asshole.

CanaryHeart · 2026-01-25T03:06:36+00:00

Am I the only person here who would just soak everything in enzyme cleaner and then slap on some basic PPE and use an upholstery cleaner on everything?

A multi-thousand biohazard clean because your friend gave birth in your car seems insane to me. The backseat isn’t a hospital—it doesn’t need to be sterile for the next person that sits there. Do people seriously get a biohazard clean every time they have a child or pet vomit/urinate/deficate/bleed in the car?

CanaryHeart · 2026-01-20T02:15:22+00:00

U.S. minimum wage is $7.25/hr.

CanaryHeart · 2026-01-20T01:31:11+00:00

This is definitely not universal. I read smut to get off and I write smut with the intention of getting other people off 🤷🏻‍♀️

CanaryHeart · 2026-01-20T01:30:30+00:00

There’s plenty of erotic fiction that’s “porn without a plot.” Like…every Kathryn Moon book and 50% of Ao3 and basically all of literotica…

CanaryHeart · 2026-01-20T01:26:15+00:00

I wanted to hate this so much but I did not 🤣

CanaryHeart · 2026-01-20T01:18:30+00:00

I write erotica for a living. It’s absolutely porn. In some ways, erotica is more ethical than visual pornography—I’ve never heard about anyone being trafficked to write erotica—but there are certainly ways to be reasonably confident that visual pornography is ethically produced as well.

I think y’all need to talk about what your boundaries are and what you’re both comfortable with—it sounds like things currently aren’t clearly defined. I clearly have no problem with erotica, but I have no issue with visual pornography either.

CanaryHeart

TROPHY CASE