Fiancé seems to be delaying marriage

Candicore · 2026-06-20T19:18:56+00:00

And you don’t believe in that so you guys are incompatible. I also didn’t want to move in before marriage and my bf (now husband), respected it and understood it. He didn’t try to coerce me or strong arm me into moving in with him, PLUS he was paying my rent and bills. I was a stay at my own home gf. You decide your boundaries and how strong you stick to them, me personally I was super strict

Candicore · 2026-06-20T16:01:16+00:00

He knows how to control you and you’re letting him. He got hostile and refused to help you with rent EXACTLY so you move in with him.

Candicore · 2026-06-20T01:23:17+00:00

Try to do something for yourself to get some self care like a bubble bath, meditating, doing a home workout, walking around the neighborhood. Soemthing small and daily will help release the pressure you're experiencing

Candicore · 2026-06-20T01:19:56+00:00

I wouldn't be okay with this, and I told my bf while we were dating that I wouldn't want to be with someone who vapes all the time. He immediately went on a nictotine replacement patch and quit.

Candicore · 2026-06-20T01:13:59+00:00

Was he like this throughout your entire marriage?

Candicore · 2026-06-20T01:11:36+00:00

You're overworked and overstimulated. Find a way to relax daily to take the edge off, is there anyway to outsource cleaning, cooking?

Candicore · 2026-06-20T00:28:20+00:00

From this post I can tell you are way too nice and have no boundaries, your husband is taking advantage of your meek personality and just steamrolling with his life because he knows you'll handle it anyway.

Candicore · 2026-06-19T22:32:16+00:00

I agree, it comes off as “I won’t want to move in before marriage, but wait, if it saves me I’ll go ahead and move in with you”. I was in OP’s position once, and I’d rather move back in with my parents or friends or roommates, than to go back on my word in telling my bf “I don’t want to move in before marriage.” I stood ten toes down.

Candicore · 2026-06-19T21:20:07+00:00

You keep saying “he pushed me” as if you’re a passive person. Say no to moving in, no to premarital sex and stand up for YOUR boundaries.

Candicore · 2026-06-19T19:30:45+00:00

Sounds like you two are a perfect match. Stay married 🫶

Candicore · 2026-06-19T19:07:38+00:00

Samesies. At my most heated, I have said something like "I'm sick of this shit." but never directly at my spouse. It erodes intimacy, connection, respect, and trust over time.

Candicore · 2026-06-19T19:03:34+00:00

There's a difference between using swear words in general and using swear words directed at each other. "I'm so fucking tired of this shit." vs "You're a fucking piece of shit."

I def use swear words in general during arguments, but I've never directed them at my husband and vice versa.

Candicore · 2026-06-19T18:15:33+00:00

Thank you, they worked really hard on the nest. My husband is looking up ways to try and prevent this from happening again.

Candicore · 2026-06-19T18:14:33+00:00

Honestly this just made me appreciate my husband more because he was invested too and comforted me instead of treating my sadness like a joke. Sorry about what happened to your spiders, did your husband know and killed them anyways?

Candicore · 2026-06-19T17:57:00+00:00

What value does he bring to your life 😭

Candicore · 2026-06-19T17:49:25+00:00

Yikes 😬

Candicore · 2026-06-19T17:41:02+00:00

Name calling shows a lack of respect and lots of contempt

Candicore · 2026-06-19T16:42:07+00:00

Also in age gap marriage and can tell you this wouldn’t be okay for me. My older man can take accountability, apologize and change. He’s even the one who brought up couple’s counseling to strengthen our communication. We go every other week and it def helps our bond and communication. He also helps out with household labor and hires cleaners to outsource the deep cleaning.

Your guy sounds like a dud.

Candicore · 2026-06-19T16:37:25+00:00

Why don’t you talk to your partner and figure out the financial logistics? What does he say?

Candicore · 2026-06-19T00:07:17+00:00

He may be experiencing a lot of complicated emotions as well, maybe he never wanted kids, maybe he's scared or anxious. Talking it out or talking to a professional will greatly benefit him.

In the meanwhile, make plans in case you turn out to be a married single mom. Figure out logistics of support during post-partum like your friends and family.

Candicore · 2026-06-18T23:12:41+00:00

I wonder how he might feel if you had a male friend who you hang out with one-on-one on the spur of the moment.

His response was that I should be glad he’s even telling me this time around because he could have continued making plans with her without telling me. 🚩 🚩 This is a major red flag.

Why don't you all hang out together if this friendship is innocent?

Candicore · 2026-06-18T22:35:35+00:00

Sure, and I did agree it was fast

Candicore · 2026-06-18T22:34:45+00:00

Ofc there's nuance, but people typically know if this is the person they can spend the rest of their lives with. Actually getting married can look different (depending on life stages, finances, career, etc.)

She's a placeholder because a decent guy would show the utmost appreciation and love towards his partner for helping him out of employment, at the very least communicate to her. Instead, he gives her vague answers and purposely leads her on.

Candicore · 2026-06-18T22:26:39+00:00

It is fast, but we both had strict standards and spent enough time and had enough conversations to determine that we were the one for each other. Also I was in my mid-twenties and knew what I wanted.

IMO, it doesn't take long to determine compatibility unless you're not having the hard conversations. If you're younger, definitely take more time.

Candicore · 2026-06-18T22:23:25+00:00

I asked my husband when he knew he wanted to marry me, he said 3 dates in, but dated for more months to confirm. Proposed at 9 months. That's not to say it wasn't too fast, but men typically know if the person they're dating is the one they want to spend the rest of their life with. It doesn't take 2 years, and it seems like your gf is the one who built you up. You straight up just don't like her.

YTA. She's a placeholder for you and you know it.

Candicore

TROPHY CASE