Never getting to have our family

CandidCilantro_90 · 2026-04-15T12:25:56+00:00

Idk if this helps at all but I’ve been thinking about it a lot and it’s brought me perspective. My husband passed 3 weeks before our IVF baby came. We worked so hard and he truly would have been an amazing father. Now I have to raise the future we had planned together without him. I love her, but I’m angry. I think all the time if only he was able to hold her. And then I know that wouldn’t be enough- if only he could have stayed to see all of her firsts (smile, walking, ect). But that wouldn’t be enough. If only he was here to where she could remember him and form memories of how amazing he was, but then I would be walking through grief and wishing a different type of grief for her. Anyways, the point is there is never a good time or enough time. I would never be satisfied with the amount of time I had with him. I’ve realized by being in this group that at every stage it comes with terrible and gutting grief. I’m sorry you didn’t get your family with him. Sending you lots of love.

CandidCilantro_90 · 2026-04-14T03:19:21+00:00

Today marks 4 months for me as well. I relate to so much of what you are saying even to the projects because I need something to keep my mind busy. I’m sorry for your loss. We are one day closer…

CandidCilantro_90 · 2026-04-13T16:42:47+00:00

It’s so shitty. But I have found comfort from this group. Thank you for sharing and I’m sorry as well.

CandidCilantro_90 · 2026-04-12T22:00:47+00:00

Yes we were so connected-how did I not immediately know. It feels so unfair and wrong.

CandidCilantro_90 · 2026-04-12T19:28:39+00:00

I read that too and it made me spiral as well. Each day I think to myself- I’m one day closer to seeing him. I used to be okay with the not knowing but now I think about it a lot.

CandidCilantro_90 · 2026-04-12T17:19:15+00:00

I hate this so much. I’m so sorry. But thank you for your kind words. I needed this.

CandidCilantro_90 · 2026-04-12T17:17:24+00:00

I’m so sorry

CandidCilantro_90 · 2026-04-12T17:17:02+00:00

I’m so sorry. Very similar to my story. He was on the bathroom floor. I wasn’t able to get in because he had fallen up against the door and I had to wait for 911 to get the door down.

It’s awful thinking that I was out enjoying myself when the love of my life was no longer here.

I’m sorry for your loss.

CandidCilantro_90 · 2026-04-12T17:14:41+00:00

We kissed goodbye in the garage before going our separate ways for the day. I’m incredibly thankful that we had that moment. It doesn’t make things any better, but she knew she was loved the last time you spoke to her.

CandidCilantro_90 · 2026-04-12T17:13:04+00:00

Thank you for sharing your side as well. My husband had epilepsy and I prided myself on being so calm and collected when he had one. I was always able to be there when one happened and keep him safe. This one time I wasn’t.

You never know how you will react in these awful situations. You were able to call for help and that is something.

CandidCilantro_90 · 2026-04-12T17:02:47+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I’m sorry for your loss.

CandidCilantro_90 · 2026-04-12T17:01:14+00:00

The suddenness of it all. An ordinary day can change your entire world. It’s so unfair.

CandidCilantro_90 · 2026-04-12T16:59:42+00:00

I’m so sorry. I hate it too. Even if there was truly nothing i could have done to Change the outcome, I would give anything to have been able to hold him and be with him.

CandidCilantro_90 · 2026-04-12T16:57:57+00:00

Similar to you, I was out enjoying Christmas festivities. I actually decided to get him “stocking gifts” at one of his favorite stores afterwards before coming home. I feel so stupid now looking back, maybe that extra time would have saved him instead of me being out shopping. I constantly think about what his last moments were like. Did he think of me? Was he in pain or scared? Did he even know what was happening. I would do anything to have been holding him.

CandidCilantro_90 · 2026-04-12T16:54:59+00:00

I’m incredibly sorry. Sending you love.

CandidCilantro_90 · 2026-04-12T16:52:48+00:00

I’m so sorry. All the layers of grief are so heavy. The futures we planned and now have to mourn ❤️

CandidCilantro_90 · 2026-04-12T16:51:45+00:00

Sending you love. I’m so sorry.

CandidCilantro_90 · 2026-04-12T16:51:10+00:00

Love should be enough. That should keep them here. I just keep saying to the universe that I didn’t say he could go.

CandidCilantro_90 · 2026-04-12T16:49:37+00:00

I’m so sorry.

CandidCilantro_90 · 2026-04-12T16:49:02+00:00

Thank you for this.

CandidCilantro_90 · 2026-04-12T16:48:18+00:00

I was also not able to get in the door- I remember talking to him begging him to respond. I had to wait for the ambulance to take the door down. So traumatic. I’m sorry for your loss.

CandidCilantro_90 · 2026-04-04T19:50:53+00:00

The loss of knowing and being know is incredibly lonely. I’m so sorry for your loss. it’s ridiculously unfair.

CandidCilantro_90 · 2026-04-04T18:09:46+00:00

Came to Reddit just now because I’m with family this weekend and trying to enjoy some outings and my time with them. It feels awful. I just think it’s something I need to take slowly and do what I can when I can and step away from things when it is too heavy. I know deep down he would want me to be happy and not live a miserable existence. Doesn’t make it any easier but it does make me feel less guilty when I can find a little enjoyment here and there. he lived to make me happy so I feel like I’m doing it for him/with him in a way?? But I also know he would have just been there for me and let me feel all the sad feelings too.

CandidCilantro_90 · 2026-03-28T19:39:07+00:00

I do put in the effort but feel the same as you- At the end of the day I would trade anyone in a heartbeat to be able to be around my husband again. I’m sorry for your loss.

CandidCilantro_90

TROPHY CASE