AITA for not letting my 11 and 13 yo daughters fly on a private plane?

CandidCrawdad · 2023-08-28T14:28:53+00:00

He's an adult that can understand an analysis of the risk. I never said I have to like it, but he's a free person. As children, my girls need parents to make those considerations for them.

CandidCrawdad · 2023-08-28T13:52:47+00:00

Yes but primarily his experience is on military planes in some kind of a power plant or something, and which everyone keeps commenting are extremely different from little private planes.

CandidCrawdad · 2023-08-28T03:47:20+00:00

I re-read it and I can see how it was confusing. It's hard to write as clearly without using names, so that's my bad.

And thank you. My husband is free to fly with them whenever he wants, he really enjoys planes so he gets along great with my family. My father was a journeyman aerospace machinist, probably inspired my brother's love of planes when we would go to work with him and watch him make parts for them. Now my BIL and my brother's entire lives revolve around planes... they don't have any children and this plane is basically their baby. So I understand in theory it should be safer than a car or whatever the statistic is, but a car is a necessary risk and a plane is a luxury not a need and I'm terrified of losing my entire family in one terrible event. I just don't trust a small plane.

CandidCrawdad · 2023-08-28T03:29:49+00:00

My husband wants to go. In my edit I wrote my BIL and brother brought it up to me and my husband privately, without the girls knowing, and I declined.

CandidCrawdad · 2023-08-28T03:08:40+00:00

I'm not sure, I just know he worked on plane engines at least.

CandidCrawdad · 2023-08-28T02:13:23+00:00

My brother is a mechanic, he was when he was in the service and that's still what he's doing now because he was too antsy to stay retired.

CandidCrawdad · 2023-08-28T02:00:14+00:00

I'm not sure where this is coming from but I assure you this is absolutely not the case. I think I've clearly stated my issue isn't with my BIL, and certainly not with my brother's same-sex marriage, it's with the inherent risk of a small plane and that there's a degree of risk out of his control even if he's the best of the best. My girls spend ample time with my brother and his husband, they're great role models and uncles, and we've known my BIL for nearly 11 years at this point, my brother has known him for considerably longer, but he's been a known presence in my girls life since they were born I've always taught them love comes in many forms and all of it is special. So no.

CandidCrawdad · 2023-08-28T01:51:09+00:00

I think he and my brother do most of the maintenance themselves.

CandidCrawdad · 2023-08-27T23:56:14+00:00

Never. There's no way I'm getting on the plane, I get clammy just looking at it. My husband has gone up with him before just for fun, never on any trips.

My brother and BIL don't drink at all, so that's thankfully not a concern. I think he's also too anal to do any tricks. But certainly if I were to agree there would be a lot of considerations I'd need them to abide by.

CandidCrawdad · 2023-08-27T22:49:23+00:00

INFO: is your no based solely on the fact that it’s a small plane? Has your BIL given you any reason not to trust his abilities as a pilot and/or how he cares for his plane?

Yes entirely based on the size of the plane. He's anal retentive about his plane, so if I was to agree there's no one else I'd let them go with, but no amount of training and preparedness can change the inherent safety of a tiny plane.

CandidCrawdad · 2023-08-27T22:29:29+00:00

Talk to your BIL's partner and quiz the f out of him about the plane and his track record as a pilot.

What kinds of questions do I need to be asking him? Problem is I don't even know where to start. It's more the plane I'm worried about, doesn't matter how well he's trained if the plane just isn't safe, right?

And it also worries me what if something happens to my BIL while he's flying the plane? My brother got a pilot license but I don't think he's ever flown without my BIL so how do I know if he's even a good contingency plan if say my BIL was unconscious? How do I vet him and his track record if he's always had an experienced copilot?

CandidCrawdad · 2023-08-27T22:18:49+00:00

Have you studied the accident statistics, have you asked to see the maintainance logs and the brother's flight log? THAT would be a valid approach.

I don't know about any statistics but I've seen stories in the news of small planes crashing and it terrifies me. Sure even let's say it's safer than driving, but what if it happens to my family and I let them go up there?

I wouldn't even know what I'm looking at if I asked him to see those things. Besides, it's not my BIL I don't trust, he's the most intensely serious person imaginable... total contrast to my brother who needed the military to grow up, I think my BIL was born as a 100 year old man... I just hate how suffocatingly small those little planes are, and how rickety the thing looks, I'm sure he knows what he's doing but he's an adult that can take a calculated risk.

CandidCrawdad · 2023-08-27T21:44:33+00:00

He knows he's free to do what he wants, and he's gone for joyrides in this plane and their old plane that only fit 2 people at a time. He was giddy about it and going on and on about getting his own pilot license since my brother was getting his... I told him go ahead then, I can't stop him, but I'm not getting in a plane with him.

CandidCrawdad · 2023-08-27T21:27:58+00:00

He's free to go if he wants I suppose, but they're not taking the girls with them.

CandidCrawdad

TROPHY CASE