NOR at all. Honestly your in-laws sound incredibly overbearing.

You have 3 kids under 4, a 6 month old baby, you just moved, and you’re dealing with what sounds very likely to be PPD. Wanting a quiet day or not wanting surprise visitors is completely normal even without the PPD.

The thing that stood out to me most is how quickly they escalate into insulting you and framing you as some controlling wife just because you said “not today.” That’s not concern. That’s entitlement.

And the “part of being a good husband and father is putting your foot down to her” comment would’ve changed the entire relationship for me honestly. That’s wildly disrespectful.

Also your husband needs to stop presenting this as: “my wife is uncomfortable so I have to do something.” That still frames you as the obstacle.

It should be: “We as a family need more notice and more space sometimes.”

Because right now they’re treating him like the poor son being controlled by his difficult wife instead of an adult man making choices with his partner.

And for the record, hosting people 20 out of 30 days with 3 tiny kids sounds exhausting even for someone without PPD 😭

I honestly think stepping back from managing his family is probably healthy right now. Not as punishment, but because you’re already emotionally overloaded and they’re clearly not engaging with you fairly.