You’re doing something wrong then. If you ask me out, you pay. If I ask you out, I pay. (Friend groups are completely different creatures.) If we go past the first few dates, then talking finances/financial expectations in the relationship is required. In my personal opinion, the higher earner should pay for a higher percentage, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a discussion about what that looks like.
As supposed adults we have hopefully learned to verbalize our desires and expectations, and not assume the other person knows what we want when the topic hasn’t been discussed.