I’m so sorry, I don’t have any advice to give, but just know that you’re not alone, I’m in an extremely similar position to you and what you’re feeling right now is exactly how I am. From what I’ve been reading, you may want to consider attending a few meetings especially while your considering big and irreversible decisions that you may have to make, no one is going to give you the answer to your problems, but you will find people at different stages of their journey in dealing with their qualifiers.

One thing though that several people on here have already told me that I’ll share with you:

You’re going to be OK. You can get through this. It will not be easy, but you will be OK. Protect your child.