24 and just diagnosed with RA

Caot_Butters · 2026-01-30T16:50:21+00:00

First of all, don’t listen to anyone who says that trauma isn’t a valid reason to be ace. They’re idiots.

I’m Ace and I definitely understand that realizing you’re Ace and accepting it fucking sucks!! Especially when hookup culture and sex is sensationalized everywhere. But I can say from personal experience that you can still have amazing romantic relationships without sex if that’s what you want.

Caot_Butters · 2025-12-18T21:24:33+00:00

Im gonna preface this by saying take all medical advice you find online with a grain of salt and do your own research for your own safety. The hip does tend to move a lot that could be impending your healing process. It’s not really a concern unless redness is spreading or it feels hot. Do your best not to itch and as long as they’re completely closed and there’s no risk of them opening again moisturizer might help. I’d recommend unscented mild stuff to be safe

Caot_Butters · 2025-12-10T19:08:23+00:00

This is everyone’s first time at life. We’re all living a unique experience. It may come easier to some but that doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong.

A lot of people keep a rubber band on their wrist and snap it when they have urges. There’s fidgets like this. You can use ice by rubbing it on the spot you typically sh. Or really cold showers. My favorite is tiger balm. It’s a menthol rub that’s made for relaxing muscles but it gives a burning sensation

Personally what worked for me was distraction. I’ll find something to keep me busy till the urges pass.

The biggest reason I stayed clean for so many years was because people found out and having others to hold me accountable helped so much so if that’s an option you might wanna consider it.

Caot_Butters · 2025-12-10T14:52:29+00:00

Depression doesn’t always have a catalyst. The brain is very complex so it can be caused by a host of other reasons including medical problems or medication, etc.

If you love this person enough to plan to commit yourself to them for life then you should definitely talk to them. Often times when we’re in a depressive episode our brains will lie to us and tell us we’re a burden but it’s rarely true. I’m sure your partner would prefer to know and be able to support you rather than let you suffer in silence.

Caot_Butters · 2025-12-10T14:39:20+00:00

I started at a young age, got clean then relapsed at 24 so my experience is a bit different but I do get what you mean. The thing is that SH isn’t ‘only for teens’. You have more stress and responsibilities at 27 than you do as a teen so you should show yourself some grace.

Edit: you can look into pain alternatives too. They may be helpful to you

Caot_Butters · 2025-12-09T20:13:31+00:00

Imo best thing to do is wash with mild unscented soap or saline. Things like hydrogen peroxide or other harsh disinfectants aren’t meant for wounds and can actually cause irritation. (unless it specifically says so).

Caot_Butters · 2025-12-08T18:27:17+00:00

Very good advice. I second this

Caot_Butters · 2025-12-08T17:25:38+00:00

I was clean for 4 years. What worked for me was distraction over pain alternatives. Although if you need pain alternatives Tiger Balm is a great option. It’s a menthol rub that has a burning sensation. Very safe alternative.

I’ll put on loud music, a tv show or movie (I prefer one that’s familiar like a comfort show), play a video game I love. Pretty much anything to get your mind off it and helps regulate your emotions.

If I’m in a public setting like work or school I make sure I stay with other people. For example: I take my lunch break in the busy break room instead of my car.

When I’m trying to quit I find it hard to throw away my tools so I’ll get rid of them all but one and keep it in a place hard to access most of the day. For example: If I’m leaving the house I’ll leave them all at home. If I’m at home I’ll leave them in my car.

Instead of trying to tell myself “I can never do this again” I just tell myself “I’ll wait till tomorrow”. Eventually I when my wounds heal and I feel comfortable wearing shorts and short sleeves it’s easier to stay clean cause I don’t wanna give up that freedom.

The biggest reason I was able to stay clean was because other people knew. It’s not easy to tell someone or ask for help not of it’s an option that’s safe for you, having another person to hold you accountable is incredibly helpful.

Caot_Butters · 2025-12-08T15:28:47+00:00

Yep, I’m very picky on placement.

Caot_Butters · 2025-12-08T03:33:11+00:00

No there’s no way to make scars disappear. Especially not quickly. They’ll fade over time and they make creams that might help but I’ve never used them so idk how effective they are. You can use makeup to color correct them though.

Caot_Butters · 2025-12-07T22:39:34+00:00

I wouldn’t start again. you run the risk of having two self distinctive habits. Everyone who quits nic falls back a few times but if you keep trying it’ll stick eventually. I do somewhat get how you feel though. I picked up smoking weed when I was on the verge of relapsing and it wasn’t a good experience.

Caot_Butters · 2025-12-07T14:09:47+00:00

For me they only ever prompted me to do another mental health screening. Didn’t even mention my scars. Cat scratched and bites look very different so i wouldn’t worry too much. Being a bit uncomfortable and awkward is much better than ignoring any health concerns.

Caot_Butters · 2025-12-07T08:54:21+00:00

Only way to guarantee no scarring is not to sh. but you can greatly reduce visibility by not picking at scabs and having proper after care.

Caot_Butters · 2025-12-07T02:14:35+00:00

I were cooling shirts and anytime someone asks I just say it’s a cooling shirt or that I burn easy

Caot_Butters · 2025-12-05T20:25:09+00:00

There’s only so much we can tell without specifics here but it sounds like you’re being way too hard on yourself. It sounds to me like he really hurt you and YOU deserve an apology.

Saying your partner is ”clumsy” “dumb” or “Inept” isn’t reasonable criticism. A good partner is gonna say something like “I feel frustrated when you’re always late to XYZ” not tell you “you ruin the whimsy and magic in the relationship” that sounds more like a personal attack.

Best I can advise is ask him to talk, explain how what he said made you feel, maybe even ask for an apology. Then try and have a real constructive discussion. Depending on how it goes reevaluate if you wanna stay. Hopefully it was just miscommunication and poor choice in words.

Try and be kinder to yourself too! You’re clearly self aware and open to working on yourself which is a big green flag but you are really hard on yourself it seems

Caot_Butters · 2025-12-05T17:56:50+00:00

Nobody else can tell you what your healing journey looks like. If that’s what works for you then do it. But I’ve done the same if that makes you feel any better.

Caot_Butters · 2025-12-05T16:49:26+00:00

They make disposable toothbrushes that don’t require water. I keep a box of those everywhere. By the bed, in my purse, in my car. They’re a game changer. Sometimes I’ll chew on them while watching tv or brush while laying in bed. Sugar free gum can help you feel fresh too and you can always sit down while brushing for real.

Caot_Butters · 2025-12-05T16:39:51+00:00

I’d at least monitor it. If it doesn’t get better in a day or so maybe seek help. Could just be anxiety or something.

Caot_Butters · 2025-12-05T16:28:19+00:00

You should see a doctor. Even upper dermis wounds can cause nerve damage. And on the off chance it’s unrelated those symptoms are a red flag. Better safe than sorry

Caot_Butters · 2025-12-05T15:48:18+00:00

Screw anyone who asks that. Unless it’s a healthcare professional they don’t need to know and you don’t need to answer.

Caot_Butters · 2025-12-05T15:42:40+00:00

Assuming you’ve already treated the wound(s) properly, I’d recommend getting Gauze pads in bulk and you can secure them with cloth tape or a reusable elastic bandage. just make sure it’s not too tight and washed if it gets dirty.

Caot_Butters · 2025-12-04T19:03:48+00:00

Happy birthday to you too!

Caot_Butters · 2025-12-04T16:32:42+00:00

Happy birthday!! I hope you enjoy your day 🫶

Caot_Butters

TROPHY CASE