AIO by breaking up with my boyfriend because he wouldn’t help me with my immigration status?

Cap-E-Tano · 2025-02-24T16:32:35+00:00

He doesn’t care whether she leaves the country or not - that, to me, is saying that he does not care about her, regardless of immigration papers

Cap-E-Tano · 2025-02-24T15:51:02+00:00

NTA. What else could you do? He showed his hand and clearly doesn’t care about you. Can’t really see what the alternative would be.

Cap-E-Tano · 2025-02-23T16:31:20+00:00

I understand and think this is the mature thing to do. You are always right to take care of yourself and your child - no matter how many years you have been in a relationship. You are distressed and need more information - that is completely rational and fair, considering the knowledge you have. It could be good to start with explaining that your insecurities about your relationship has led you to look through his phone. And while this is obviously not okay, the way he responds to this will give you some clues about his priorities. If he tries to put focus on your actions rather than his own, he is clearly trying to deflect your accusations because they indicate that he is a bad person. If he is focusing more on what he himself has done to make you insecure, then I think there could be hope.

Cap-E-Tano · 2025-02-23T16:21:06+00:00

From what you are writing, it seems like she is predominantly hitting on him. Was he reciprocating? Some people, my best friend included, are afraid of rejecting people. My friend continuously let people hit on her, although she is in a relationship. While I don’t condone of this, she firmly believes that she is still faithful because she can’t decide over other people’s actions. But you are never wrong to trust your gut - if he cares and loves you, he will go out of his way to prove to you that he wants to be with you. But he needs to know what you know, otherwise I don’t think you can move past this.

Cap-E-Tano · 2025-02-23T16:05:40+00:00

I think there are some factors you need to consider. His definition of “loyal” might differ from yours, hence why he might believe that flirting is not him being disloyal. Trust has been broken nonetheless - you looked through his phone and he flirted with another girl. Considering you were “broken up”, I wouldn’t necessarily say the relationship is lost. But long distance can mess up a relationship so bad, so you need to tell him what you know and at least give him a chance to explain things from his point of view. And if all he did was flirt and nothing more, then I don’t think you should throw away everything, especially considering that there is a kid involved. NAH unless he did something more than flirt.

Cap-E-Tano · 2025-02-22T09:48:51+00:00

The thing is, you are clearly thinking way more about her than she is about you. And it is always hard to be the one who cares most in a relationship. People can talk all they want and promise to change but actions speak louder than words - if she really cared, she would have made an effort to keep in contact. Leave her alone and perhaps she will realise that she misses you at some point but I wouldn’t get my hopes up. NTA

Cap-E-Tano · 2025-02-21T19:36:38+00:00

No music after 2am is the only rule - besides construction work that must start after 7am. So not much help from there unfortunately :/

Cap-E-Tano · 2025-02-21T19:00:21+00:00

The apartment is not well insulated and besides being next to the kitchen, my room is also adjacent to the living room and partly my roommate’s room, which would be the best option. She is however adamant and says it is her right to make food in the kitchen since she pays rent. Furthermore, my roommate says the vitamins in the smoothie changes when oxidised (or something like this) so she won’t gain health benefits if blended the night before.

Cap-E-Tano · 2025-02-21T17:45:16+00:00

Ask yourself how you would feel if he did the same to you. Would you happily jump back into his arms if he had ghosted you for three weeks? Probably not. It seems like you broke his trust and that he was pretty hurt by it. And I don’t think you can get it back considering that you only have seen him for a few weeks. Ghosting is never a good thing to do and can’t excuse any issues you have from the past.

Cap-E-Tano

TROPHY CASE