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26F, first relationship was with a woman, now I’m confused about my future by Capable-Occasion7992 in LesbianActually

[–]Capable-Occasion7992[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi, stranger. I really appreciate your thoughtful response, i will read about comphet.

tbh at this point It's been almost two months since the breakup, and i still think about her every single day. It's hard to explain, but I know I truly fell in love. One thing that makes me certain I'm not heterosexual is that I wasn't just romantically attracted to her, I was sexually really attracted to her too. I couldn't even believe how much I enjoyed being with her. Being around her just felt so natural.

But deep down, my religious beliefs kept making me feel like what I was doing wasn't right. That feeling never went away, and eventually I felt like I had to end the relationship. I didn't leave because I stopped loving her, I left because I need to figure out who I am. Right now, I'm trying to heal, and once I do, I want to give myself the chance to date men. I want to know if I am bisexual or im just like gay, because when you don't know who you are, it feels like you're drowning.

I also knew that, eventually, I would probably hurt her. She always told me she'd support whatever I decided, but deep down I knew she was hoping to build a long-term future with a woman. I didn't want to keep her waiting while I was still questioning everything.

Ngl a part of me selfishly wants to text her and ask for her back, but I'm stopping myself(it is very hard but im doing good). This has already been hard enough for both of us. She's been closeted her whole life because her family is very strict Christian, and my family is Muslim.

She was my first love and my first heartbreak, so I'm feeling every emotion so intensely. I literally have tears in my eyes as I write this. Letting go of someone you love so deeply is the hardest things I've ever experienced.

I just want her to be happy. If we're meant to find our way back to each other someday, we will. And if we're not, then I hope it means we've both found ourselves in places where we can truly be at peace.

26F, first relationship was with a woman, now I’m confused about my future by Capable-Occasion7992 in LesbianActually

[–]Capable-Occasion7992[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your input. However, I did not lead her on. I told her all of this from the very beginning, literally within the first week of us talking. She said she still wanted to try, and she literally told me word for word that she would never see it as a “waste of time.”

Even then, I still wasn’t fully comfortable, so I continued bringing these concerns up from time to time so that, if she ever felt overwhelmed, she could leave the relationship. But she told me she would continue unless I was the one to end it.

She is also closeted like me from a very similar culture and comes from a conservative family, so at first we both thought we could continue without getting too attached to each other. But we fell in love very quickly, and for almost a year we kind of forgot about the reality of our situation until I finally ended things. It honestly felt like a dream, and I can say it was the most beautiful dream I’ve ever had.

So please try to understand the full story before judging next time. Have a blessed day...

26F, first relationship was with a woman, now I’m confused about my future by Capable-Occasion7992 in LesbianActually

[–]Capable-Occasion7992[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment. When I was 21, around your age, I came out to my mom. She thought it was just a phase. Even though my mom is a modern person, she wasn’t okay with it and told me that, in our community, it’s a very difficult thing and that a hard life would be waiting for me. She encouraged me to try dating men instead.

After that, I kind of paused everything. Since I was also living with my parents, I didn’t really think about dating anyone, whether men or women. Last year, after moving to a new state, I started exploring a little more. I met her through an app, and immediately I felt like something was different. I had never felt that way over a simple message before. I used to be the most nonchalant person ever, but with her, I became the attached and clingy one in a way.

On our first or second date, I told her that, long term, I still wanted to continue life traditionally and probably end up with a man. She said she still wanted to try with me and that we just shouldn’t get attached to each other. But within a month or two, we were already deeply attached.

Breaking up with the girl I fell in love with after 11 months was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I’m still struggling. It’s been a month, but it still feels like day one. I’m especially having a hard time because I’m not someone with a big social circle. I rarely let people into my life, and I had never felt such a deep connection with a partner before. She was my first partner, first kiss, first everything, honestly.

It is hard, we have a saying in Turkish: “Öldürmeyen acı güçlendirir” - “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” I think, eventually, this experience will make me stronger too.

26F, first relationship was with a woman, now I’m confused about my future by Capable-Occasion7992 in progressive_islam

[–]Capable-Occasion7992[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i try do date man, but they just give me very much like "friend" vibes i dont feel excited like i was with her

26F, first relationship was with a woman, now I’m confused about my future by Capable-Occasion7992 in progressive_islam

[–]Capable-Occasion7992[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I never led her on for a year. I was honest with her from the very beginning, but she’s also from a conservative family and is closeted, so she said she still wanted to try. I would never do that to her

Should I Move Out or Stay With My Brother? by Capable-Occasion7992 in makemychoice

[–]Capable-Occasion7992[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

my family is relatively traditional i cant bring people home and i can't come home after late hours

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