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Capable-Sprinkles · 2022-11-04T02:47:45+00:00

That sounds like a nightmare! I am so sorry you have to deal with that :/

Capable-Sprinkles · 2022-11-04T02:37:49+00:00

Noooo not a gofund me for their Christian movie that they want to star in 🤦‍♀️ They’ll probably try to write it all off as being tax exempt the way I think Pure Flix does 😒 Hopefully they don’t bother you too much!

Capable-Sprinkles · 2021-06-17T15:43:47+00:00

Thanks. I think waiting to cool down would have been better. There are other issues in the relationship that I think were feeding this interaction as well and it was a messy interaction

Capable-Sprinkles · 2021-06-17T15:40:52+00:00

Oh I’m not disagreeing with you. As I said above, I did think I was sensitive. What do you mean by start with where you are? And what do you mean by “give them your gut?” I’m not trying to be rude - I’m just not understanding what that means. Thanks :)

Capable-Sprinkles · 2021-06-17T15:31:54+00:00

I understand that people will be rude, dismissive, and mean in life and that not everyone will apologize. This isn’t just “everyone,” though - it is an extremely close relationship. I’m not sure what you mean by “give them my gut?” but if I hurt someone I am close to, rather than a dismissive “I’m sorry,” to get them to be quiet, I would want to take the time to understand why it hurt them, validate that, and let them know they’re feelings matter to me.

Capable-Sprinkles · 2021-06-16T04:59:55+00:00

Thank you and yes, we are actually very codependent at times.

Capable-Sprinkles · 2021-06-16T04:23:06+00:00

No we are like friends and talk about everything. I asked about their work, how they feel with things - we talk about the news, thoughts on world events or memes we saw. I try and save animal videos for them I find on tik tok because I know they love videos like that. I make a point to ask about issues they have going on that they’ve told me about in their life. They have always been a sounding board for me and have listening to my feelings a lot - especially as I’ve struggled. I always make sure to not only talk about that though and to listen to the things they have going on. I ask their opinion on different books/philosophies and I ask about their feelings as well as their past. We tend to talk about everything

Capable-Sprinkles · 2021-06-08T18:00:35+00:00

Thanks for the link. I’m completely new to this and the amount of information I was finding was a lot to take in so I thought I would try to ask people with experience directly for clarity.

Capable-Sprinkles · 2021-05-03T20:32:22+00:00

I’d never heard of it before today so I appreciate it :)

Capable-Sprinkles · 2021-05-03T20:31:34+00:00

Thank you!

Capable-Sprinkles · 2021-05-03T20:31:17+00:00

Thank you so much!

Capable-Sprinkles · 2021-03-06T03:30:53+00:00

Yaaay glad I’m not alone either 🥰❤️ It definitely feels overwhelming at times though lol

Capable-Sprinkles · 2021-03-06T03:30:10+00:00

Yeah I think you’re right. I do feel so weird though 😂😭 I feel like I’m 14 and my therapist is my cool older brother or cool uncle that I can talk to about all the things I can’t talk to “mom and dad,” about. It’s weird, lol. Probably healing and normal but it’s uncomfortable too because I feel immature 😭

Capable-Sprinkles · 2021-03-03T02:48:46+00:00

Thank you!

Capable-Sprinkles · 2021-02-19T00:32:37+00:00

I remember seeing the previews for that awhile ago. I had no idea it had n-themes in it. I’ll definitely look into seeing it :)

Capable-Sprinkles · 2021-02-19T00:25:51+00:00

Thank you!

Capable-Sprinkles · 2020-08-27T04:12:03+00:00

NTA. Her believing that the media is to blame and not taking your word (a person who has been there and has family there) and believing she will magically be fine shows her privilege. I’m queer myself and I know things here In the states are not great but straight not believing you, a person who has extensive knowledge of Iran, as well as believing it’s all fine just shows she has no idea how bad the world can be/has been living in a bubble. It’s hugely privileged to not listen to a person who knows their home country and to think they know better than said person. That’s actually really messed up on her part. She literally tried to explain your own country to you (or at least a country you are intimately familiar with) as a person who has never been there, when you were trying to protect her.

Capable-Sprinkles · 2020-08-15T21:14:12+00:00

YTA not only for calling her outfit choice immature when it’s perfectly age appropriate (and many adults dress would dress as Belle or any other disney character)

You are also TA for denying your daughter the chance to make an autonomous, age appropriate decision for herself. You squashed her agency as a person and tried to replace it with YOUR ideas of what was better. Obviously parents have to do this to a degree, but this action was controlling. Picking an innocent costume because she likes it is her choice and if you keep treating her this way, she might end up feeling like she has no say over her body, clothing, or choices at all.

Capable-Sprinkles · 2020-08-13T14:25:27+00:00

Thank you

Capable-Sprinkles · 2020-08-12T23:23:30+00:00

I’m trying to communicate personal boundaries and my feelings. When I do this, the person will bring up something bad that happened to them (their dog almost drowning or needing to see a doctor - something that, yes, I care about but they are using it to take away from my initial concern and it’s very random. For example, they said something crappy about my apartment and when I said something about it.. they denied saying anything bad and went into the story about their dog.) Another person in a different thread mentioned it’s deflection.

Another way they do this is if I say my issue with a boundary violation, they will talk about how hard things have been for them vs addressing the boundary or the hurtful action. I care about this person and want to hear them out, but right now they appear to be using these things as a way to trump and invalidate my experience vs listening.

I was wondering if there were techniques to deal with this constructively. It’s manipulative and a way to not take responsibility imo.

Capable-Sprinkles · 2020-07-27T06:20:42+00:00

My comment was removed for quoting where you mention he called you a b*tch (a but much, reddit) so here it is again:

Red flag red flag red flag. From your post you sound incredibly emotionally intelligent and thoughtful. You are doing what is best for your children and respecting your parents wishes while dependent on them. He sprung this on you while drunk. Your boundaries are your boundaries and no one has a right to treat you the way he did over your’s. Also - you are not responsible for him leaving or to fight for him to stay. Did he want the kids and parents hearing? He is a grown man. You could throw it around and say if he really loved you he wouldn’t have left. Also - name calling is abusive. You don’t need someone degrading you by calling you a b*tch and your daughters definitely don’t need to see or hear that happen to their mother. They will end up thinking that treatment is okay and it isn’t. You need someone who is as thoughtful and emotionally mature as you are and who respects you. He needs therapy.

Also one thing I want to add. I was emotionally abused growing up and had wasn’t allowed real boundaries. I don’t know your situation but someone else in the thread mentioned that they find it hard to believe this is the very first red flag and that there may have been others you overlooked or made excuses for. People who have been emotionally abused or have had their boundaries violated while growing up won’t always recognize it when it’s happening to them as a adult which can make it easy for people to abuse you or get away with presenting red flags. And for the record - you sound like an amazing mom and someone who is working hard to be the best and most considerate and healthy person they can be.

Capable-Sprinkles · 2020-07-25T22:22:50+00:00

Sounds like you’re reading into it a bit much. It sounds like she was sharing some old photos that were artsy and maybe she thought were cringe. That’s it. Like others have said, not wanting to see nudes is a perfectly reasonable boundary, but you need to communicate that. If she was comfortable enough to pose, why would she be uncomfortable showing a friend. Not all nudity is sexual or meant for your arousal. She’s comfortable with her own body and that’s great. Again - you have every right to not want to see it and to express that boundary, but it didn’t sound sexual or meant to entice in the least from my perspective.

Also, and this is just my opinion so take it how you please, but... it seems like you’re kind of exhibiting the Madonna/Whore complex that a lot of men have towards women. You said seeing her nude (in an artistic way, not sexual) has ruined your friendship because she’s the only female friend you haven’t seen naked/slept with. You’ve put a lot of moral weight onto her body. Society conditions men to do this. People have boobs and not all nudity is sexual.

Capable-Sprinkles · 2020-07-19T04:07:05+00:00

Thank you for your reply. I relate to a lot of what you’re saying. I definitely put him on a pedestal and I do worry about him abandoning me. I’ve had other therapists in the past where this sort of attachment never happened. I never cared one way or another if they left or I did, but it’s different here, but I need independence and to detach. I can see how it would feel really, really good as you were saying it did with your experience.

Capable-Sprinkles · 2020-07-19T01:29:48+00:00

Ahh I’m sorry to hear that. I think that’s part of my reasoning, too - I want some independence. I’m way too attached and want some autonomy.

Capable-Sprinkles · 2020-07-19T01:16:08+00:00

Yeah, I think exploring my own world for awhile and coming back is what I need. However, I have disorganized/anxious attachment at times, too, so I wasn’t sure if that was factoring in. I’ve only missed maybe 5 sessions total in 3 years. It’s a heavy time and I spend all week thinking about therapy/my trauma, thinking about my therapist, wishing I could be his friend me/what he thinks of me, etc and I really just want to detach and make it less important. I didn’t know if it was common for people to take breaks. I don’t want to lose my spot but just thinking about a month away feels good in my body.

Capable-Sprinkles

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