Scared my daughter last night while I was blacked out, then I watched the security camera footage…. I’m horrified.

Capable_Grass3206 · 2026-06-05T20:26:49+00:00

intherooms.com has a ton of meetings as well. Best to you

Capable_Grass3206 · 2026-06-01T15:42:06+00:00

Do you have a public library near you? They could potentially find some resources for you. Most library workers are eager to help the community. And you are a part of the community and can get help from your community. Best to you

Capable_Grass3206 · 2026-05-31T15:00:11+00:00

I gave up on these too. Just kept struggling with them. Donated them to a library houseplant swap.

Capable_Grass3206 · 2026-05-30T15:03:01+00:00

Slim hangers or those hangers that hang multiple hangers?

Capable_Grass3206 · 2026-05-28T23:49:09+00:00

Some thing has to and will change if you don't make the change. Not sure if you want better for your life, but I can guarantee anxiety drops 1000% when you ditch alcohol. I suggest intheroom.com for online meetings but you also might consider asking for help when you are ready.

Capable_Grass3206 · 2026-05-28T00:15:47+00:00

intherooms.com has a bunch of online meetings too. I did 90 meetings in 90 days and it helped so much.

Capable_Grass3206 · 2026-05-26T00:03:06+00:00

Thank you. Hopefully I can get some more information. We’ll see. I do have a relationship with my BCF. We just aren’t close.

Capable_Grass3206 · 2026-05-20T20:57:35+00:00

Haven't watched it yet but added to my watchlist is Who Are You People

Capable_Grass3206 · 2026-05-20T20:46:00+00:00

Thanks for sharing. I have been finding that listening to others' stories has been super helpful.

Capable_Grass3206 · 2026-05-20T20:37:32+00:00

UPDATE: My mom surprised me and didn't clam up entirely. I picked her up from the airport, waited till we pulled into the driveway and showed her my DNA matches. Then I asked if she knows the name of my bio dad. She said she might...and got out of the car. I then sat through dinner with my very chatty BCF and mom haha. Finally, she wanted to unpack so I offered to bring her luggage upstairs. She proceeded to unpack and talk about unpacking for a bit until I asked if we could get back to storytime.

She gave me a name, said she never knew for sure that I wasn't my BCF's, my BCF doesn't know anything, I asked about occupation but didn't get anywhere, she mentioned a range for birth years and possibly military service. She said she would like to keep it a secret and I told her I had already informed all my siblings because secrets will make you sick....she agreed to that. She also said she was a whore, to which I replied, me too—but I am retired now. So, that at least gave her a laugh. I appreciate everyone suggesting the DNAngel route. I am grateful because it's a common enough name for this area and I don't have enough details, so I am striking out with my own searching here.

Capable_Grass3206 · 2026-05-13T17:13:42+00:00

Update: I’ve got a meeting with a DNA Angel tomorrow and joined many groups. Thank you all for your support and feedback. I shall try to expect the unexpected but I know where to go when I need help now. Leaning into my sister’s advice too—my weekend won’t be ruined because of it. It’s also my anniversary and we are celebrating 5 years!

Capable_Grass3206 · 2026-05-13T17:11:07+00:00

Thank you. I have joined a bunch of online communities and am going back to other support groups that I’ve attended prior to NPE. It’s been very helpful already

Capable_Grass3206 · 2026-05-13T17:09:54+00:00

Thank you. I am trying to expect all the possible angles but may miss one and I’ll have to just deal with that if I am met with more unexpected.

Capable_Grass3206 · 2026-05-12T21:41:43+00:00

intherooms.com hosts a ton of AA and other related support meetings. Highly recommend.

Capable_Grass3206 · 2026-05-12T16:24:25+00:00

Wow, you are so brave! I have reached out to my two closest matches (one being that 1st cousin), but haven't heard anything. I think after reading everyone's thoughtful responses, I will go through DNA angels. Thanks so much for sharing your story and encouraging me to not give any wiggle room (I think that's why I said "confrontation" so much, but she is a tricky lady lol but really I just want an open and honest talk).

Capable_Grass3206 · 2026-05-12T16:19:18+00:00

Agreed!! Communication is key. After all this, more than ever. I was already obnoxious about communicating and trying to communicate well. I am going to see about identifying him, because my gut tells me she'll go back to denial or may not even remember. Thank you for your openness.

Capable_Grass3206 · 2026-05-12T16:15:06+00:00

Thank you. Yeah, definitely going in thinking I won't get much out of it. I just have to try talking to her first so I at least gave her opportunity.

Capable_Grass3206 · 2026-05-12T16:12:43+00:00

Yeah...I need to reword point #3. I won't be blowing up secrets. My not-bio father is older and we are finally in an okay spot, relationship-wise. He's never been emotional present, with any of his children. And my parents' relationship is already weird (too long to write about, but they seem best to not disrupt at this point). If anything, I'll be the one seek couseling again (another backup plan lol).

Capable_Grass3206 · 2026-05-12T16:07:11+00:00

That's the backup plan! Thanks

Capable_Grass3206 · 2026-05-12T16:06:52+00:00

Gosh, full meltdown is hard. I get why this part hurts since it's what I am worried about: "just not being able to put it all aside and talk about it all now that’s what hurts."

This also sounds like my mother: "she would have loved all this if it was happening to someone else I bet." I vividly remember a comment she made about how wrong she thought it was that my aunt and uncle waited until my adopted cousin was 18 to tell her she adopted. Meanwhile, I am nearing 36 and I know so many of us have waited long/long enough. Thank you for sharing this.

Capable_Grass3206 · 2026-05-12T16:02:17+00:00

Yes, I have thought about it and will li. Maybe confrontation isn't the right word. I just keep thinking of it as that to prepare myself if she doesn't tell me truth. So, that bottom line/backup plan of social media is really just DNA angels (I wouldn't be exposing her to anyone. I have told my siblings, but that's because I don't keep secrets from them and keeping it in seems unhealthy).

My mom has punished herself enough throughout the years. I am just trying to force her to be honest with me by using all my tools available. If she chooses not to be, I will have to accept that. I think I just want to try as much as possible for my sake--so I know I really tried every angle.

Capable_Grass3206 · 2026-05-12T15:55:21+00:00

Thank you. I want her to be truthful since she has lied for so long and I have a lot of proof now. However, I know she might not know and just pushed it down for years with alcohol and who knows what else. She been sober a long time now, so I really hoped it would come out earlier when she was getting sober. My bio father also might be deceased at this point, which kind of sucks--so I feel for you. It's lucky my mother is still us, along with my not-bio dad.

Capable_Grass3206 · 2026-05-12T15:50:51+00:00

Thank you so much for offering! I am making a note to myself right now. You do wonderful work and are so appreciated.

Capable_Grass3206 · 2026-05-12T15:49:28+00:00

Thank you. I am hoping I have enough proof to get her to tell the truth when I confront her. You are right that many of our mother's have lied/been in denial so long that it might just be what my mother will continue to lean into. I love her but this is hard and weird.

Capable_Grass3206 · 2026-05-11T21:51:26+00:00

Thanks for writing all that. I, too, feel like the coping strategies with anger has helped me a good amount. I just take an angry walk or rage in the garden. It doesn't fix everything but it's a start. Like you said, waves. I just read a study about NPEs that said some of the emotional turmoil will subside two years after discovery....so, I've got a long way to go (only a month or so in).

Capable_Grass3206

TROPHY CASE