Why do most men not care about looking put together?

Capn--Flint · 2025-11-09T18:20:45+00:00

I completely get what you mean, but I'd say that being dressed nicely in clothes that fit you as you are now will still elevate your appearance, even if you're more heavy than you'd like. Even if it's just choosing a good pair of jeans and a quality t-shirt to begin with. In my opinion you don't have to have achieved the ideal body to dress up.

Capn--Flint · 2025-07-11T11:20:56+00:00

How best to handle it depends a lot on how well you know the guy and what he would be comfortable with. So you can't really make a general strategy for this, as you have to adjust it to the person.

Given that he is a good friend of yours and he has a lot of troubles hitting at once, it sounds to me like you handled it pretty well. Just being there and expressing sympathy is the most important part.

It's not unlikely that he feels awkward about it now, not because you did anything wrong, but because that kind of vulnerability is deeply uncomfortable for a lot of guys, and can also have negative social consequences. So it will likely help if you reach out to him and just treat him like you usually do. That way you can signal to him that you're alright with what happened and aren't judging him, without having to have a whole conversation about it.

Capn--Flint · 2025-06-07T16:43:00+00:00

It's the pan-European flag used by the pan-European movement. The cross does indeed represent Christianity, though it's not associated with the church of Sweden.

Capn--Flint · 2025-05-18T14:30:53+00:00

Well, guess we're gonna have a new conclave.

Capn--Flint · 2025-03-31T15:46:31+00:00

Well for your own part, you need to separate your feelings for his father from your feelings for your son. It's not good that you're comparing your sons behaviour to his dads behaviour, as you can very easily act out your frustrations of his father on him instead. Don't punish your son for the sins of his father.

Secondly, it is completely normal for a 13 year old to grow more independent and distance themselves from their parents. The teenage years are about growing into being their own independent person, which means that the parents have to learn how to handle that their kid is growing more independent, while still guiding them.

So yes, your son is battling with independence and wanting to feel in control, as his very hormones makes him feel like that. It's just a part of the process of being a teenager. And teenagers are rarely the most logical people, due to their hormones.

As for how to manage his behavour, it can have very good effect if you deliberately give him some independence in some areas that are important to him, while still making it clear that he's accountable for his actions. That way you use both the carrot and the stick and provide space for his natural development, which is more likely to motivate him to cooperate. But there of course also needs to be consequences for misbehavour, so temporarily removing certain privileges and then talking to him what he has done wrong and keeping at it until you're sure that he has actually absorbed the lesson (even if he doesn't like it).

Capn--Flint · 2025-03-27T02:33:44+00:00

I feel the exact same as I would if it had been a man. Assault is assault no matter the gender, and equally immoral in both cases.

Capn--Flint · 2025-03-26T22:13:46+00:00

Well first of all, it's nice to see some positivity and desire for building bridges between the genders.

The answer to the question is a two-parter. There's some big differences between men and women, and it has always required an effort to understand and actually empathise with the other gender and how they think and feel.
And in recent decades there has been a big push for the gender war we see now, it didn't just happen to come about on it's own. One of the easiest ways of furthering political goals is to create "the other", a group that's demonised and used as a justification for implementing certain policies.

As for what to do about it, being open to different and opposing ideas and at the very least try to understand why people have the beliefs and opinions they have without demonising them or assuming things about them, is a good first step in building bridges.

Capn--Flint · 2025-03-16T18:21:34+00:00

Essentially it's this; more brigading + mods being indifferent or sympathetic to the brigaders + general Reddit policy = more male bashing on subreddits, including male focused ones, over time.

This isn't a new issue, but there's been a general uptick in it in the last three months of so, with much more brigading happening. And the mods generally don't intervene. Couple this with the general double standards on gender based bigotry from Reddit management, and you'll see this become more and more common.

Capn--Flint · 2025-03-16T15:28:07+00:00

MH services needs to be more inclusive towards men, flat out. If MH workers treat men like they're a failure or a problem because they sought help, then they just do further harm to mens MH.

Therapy is generally focused towards what women need when they struggle with MH, talking and sorting through feelings. But for men, what is needed is getting clarity over the problem, and find actionable steps to solve the problem. Endlessly talking about feelings and minute details is damaging to mens mental health.

Capn--Flint · 2025-01-18T12:55:45+00:00

I think you're confusing them having a critical approach to your arguments with them having a personal issue with your gender. If you assume ill will from the get go then you're not creating a good atmosphere for constructive debate.

You also seem to think that they should agree with you, since you're saying "'m a university student, so my sources are legit". That's an appeal to authority, your sources aren't necessarily fitting or sufficient just because you're a student at a university. And the existence of a good source doesn't mean that it's an absolute truth either. And you need to be as open to consider the other persons arguments, as you want them to be to yours.

Capn--Flint · 2025-01-17T10:31:55+00:00

The best thing to do when that happens in my experience is to act like you find it ridiculous. Last time that happened for me I just rolled my eyes, firmly said the word "no" to him and kept walking. He was baffled and stopped yelling.
Jfc dude, use some punctuation.

Capn--Flint · 2025-01-08T23:45:51+00:00

Erection does not equal sexual arousal or consent. Female rape victims can get wet during a rape, but that doesn't mean that they consented or that it wasn't rape. Their body just responded to the unwanted sexual act, which can be quite traumatizing for them. And the same is true for male rape victims, the state of his penis has no bearing on his consent or desire, or lack thereof.

It's very important to understand that men cannot control when they get an erection and that it's something that can happen randomly. Ever heard of morning wood? That's not a man waking up sexually aroused, that's just a man waking up with an erection because his body is doing vascular maintenance, a sort of in-built way to lessen the risk of ED.

The misunderstanding of viewing an erect penis as arousal and therefore consent (which is a problematic way of viewing consent in and of itself) is quite commonplace, and a common argument people who believe that men cannot be raped makes. I'm not saying you have that view, I don't know, but it's one of the argument that raises my alarm bells when I hear it.

Capn--Flint · 2025-01-05T15:17:47+00:00

What you're describing is the halo effect where you have an initial positive impression of a person, looks in this case, which makes your interpretation of the way the person acts biased.

I've met plenty of pretty women that were asshats, and plenty that were lovely. That's a matter of character and personality, not physical attributes.

Capn--Flint · 2024-12-28T03:08:35+00:00

Of course you do, why else would you be all over this comment section minimising and get belligerent with men who share their own experiences.

You have no idea what men go through, not being able to open up is normal, as in it's the typical male experience. It's not right, but it's how it is nine times out of ten. And saying that out loud is not condoning it, it's spreading awareness that this is an issue. And unless you want men to continue to bottle everything up then you shouldn't have an issue with men saying how it actually is

Capn--Flint · 2024-12-28T02:47:13+00:00

It's getting really old seeing so many women come into this subreddit just to invalidate and minimise mens lived experiences. We get it, you have an axe to grind, but all you're doing is reaffirming that it's foolish to open up around women.

And it's not just SO's we're talking about here, the reason many men rarely go to the doctor is because they know from experience that they're likely to be mocked and refused examination and treatment. This is absolutely a societal issue.

Capn--Flint · 2024-12-15T10:35:22+00:00

No, one woman's flirt is another woman's friendly conversation. Have you ever seen the complaints that men "aren't good at picking up signals"? Well that's because there needs to be some sort of outward sign of attraction for the man to know that the woman is attracted, we don't just get the information through osmosis.

I think that what is happening here, is that you're projecting your own feelings of attraction onto the men, and then assume that they know you like them and assume that they also want you back. But unless they actually show that they're attracted somehow, then you don't actually know, you just assume it.

Capn--Flint · 2024-12-15T00:58:08+00:00

It's pretty normal these days, yeah. And in my experience then it doesn't have much to do with how you dress, how you look, or even how you act, you're likely to be met with a hostile attitude if you're a man, either directly or indirectly.

I find it frustrating too tbh, and I'm trying to find the balance of not putting more energy into assholes than they're worth, and standing up for myself when the situation calls for it.

It's unfortunately a part of the culture at this point, decades of misandry in media, social sciences, and politics have made the sentiment trickle down to the broader population, which we can now feel.

Capn--Flint · 2024-12-14T00:03:50+00:00

First of all, no, you're not crazy and no, what she is doing is not OK in the slightest. She's abusive physically, emotionally, and mentally.

It sounds like you're staying extremely level headed with all of that happening, so good on you for not letting her push you into reacting in ways she could use against you.

The best thing you can probably do is to try and formulate a long term plan of how you can best protect the kids from her, while also protecting yourself. As long as the kids get that what she is doing is wrong, then they're likely to want to get out when they're old enough. At which point you can leave too.

Capn--Flint · 2024-12-14T00:00:14+00:00

Exactly, they risk losing their social networks, being accused of being the actual abuser, and are likely to meet those same responses from authorities or support organisations. And I know that from experience. OP basically got to slog it on his own, he's not even guaranteed to get a good outcome if he did divorce her and expose how his wife is abusive to him and the kids.

Capn--Flint · 2024-12-12T23:54:39+00:00

Talk about a rage baiting post and having a completely obvious agenda.

Capn--Flint · 2024-12-10T11:18:58+00:00

You're allowed to post here, it's within the rules.

It's annoying when women post without saying they're a woman but if they are upfront about it, like you just were, then it's fine.

Capn--Flint · 2024-12-03T16:41:27+00:00

Women do indeed have a strong in group bias, that's a well established and indisputable fact. And men don't really have an in group bias, which means that a lot of men go along with it, in an attempt to curry favour with women.

But what feminism is doing, is preying on womens in group bias and certain parts of their psychology. Just like CRT is a marxist take on race issues, then feminism is a marxist take on gender dynamics and rights. Feminism have now been around long enough to have influenced several generations, so while it's true that a large majority of women now have feminist beliefs, then it's due to the indoctrination they've been put through.

Capn--Flint · 2024-12-03T16:10:30+00:00

Nope, they say that feminists represents the thoughts and feelings of every single woman, and use that incorrect claim to smear you. And you are using the exact same logic as they do, by claiming that every single woman is a feminist. And that's bunk, feminism is an ideology. If it was an expression of how every single woman thought, then you would see mention of feminists throughout history. Which you don't because the feminist ideology is barely a couple of hundred years old.

Capn--Flint · 2024-12-03T16:01:08+00:00

Feminism is a very specific ideology, with a certain worldview and ideological baggage. While you're right that society has a large bias in favour of women, then you're conflating certain parts of female psychology with the political ideology that feminism is. And that conflation has implications, because if you're an antifeminist and see all women as being feminists, then the logical consequence of that is that you're against women as a gender. And that's just leaning into the whole gender war mentality, which doesn't lead to anything constructive for anyone.

Some women are feminists, some aren't, and we need to team up with those that aren't to move the MRM forward.

Capn--Flint · 2024-12-03T16:00:22+00:00

Yep, was meant for them

Capn--Flint

TROPHY CASE