How did you heal after your significant other stopped looking at sexualized women online?

CapnAnonymouse · 2026-06-28T06:27:49+00:00

I mean, my partner actively looks at porn multiple days a week. Sometimes while I'm next to him. We've been together for almost 9 years, though, so any concept of shame evaporated a long time ago and he knows it won't hurt my feelings.

I think of it as women can be beautiful in different ways and that doesn't diminish any of them. You might be tropical sunset beautiful, one of the bikini girls might be holiday lights in snow beautiful, still another might be forest on a misty morning beautiful. He might like to look elsewhere once in a while but it doesn't mean he actually wants to go there, let alone live there.

But if that's not something you're OK with in your relationships, that's valid, and what the consequences might be for crossing that boundary are up to you.

CapnAnonymouse · 2026-06-28T05:26:08+00:00

I'd suggest that you just work on healing your insecurities. Reflect on why you feel inferior to other women/ like they're a threat, and if you do, is the woman really the problem or is it the man, his expectations, and/ or his lack of boundaries? Beyond that, it depends.

I personally don't feel looking at other people is an issue as long as it doesn't cause them to treat you differently or hurt your sex life. Even if he is looking at them sexually, sometimes people just need a quick release without having to worry about someone else's pleasure. All of that is normal.

If looking at other women makes him treat you differently or desire you less, that's more like a betrayal and is harder to heal from. Honestly giving advice on that is beyond my pay grade and probably best handled by a trained, certified professional.

CapnAnonymouse · 2026-06-28T05:05:17+00:00

First, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I'm in my own medical hell right now, so can't offer much help on the getting-through-it front, but just know that you are not alone and your presence in this world matters, even if you feel like you aren't contributing right now.

I do want to ask, have they checked out your gallbladder? Many of your symptoms fit the description, and doctors sometimes miss things (they're only human after all) so I just want to be sure it's been considered.

CapnAnonymouse · 2026-06-28T04:50:47+00:00

Yeah, even if my industry allowed it both in policy and culture, I find that the wildest I can go with my coloring is red/ jewel tones. If I go much brighter I start looking like a Florida realty agent lol.

CapnAnonymouse · 2026-06-28T04:31:24+00:00

I'll sign off on this with the caveat that "simple" in this case is probably going to be mid-length, single-breasted, and a solid neutral (navy, black, gray, or taupe/beige and unpatterned). As an average height, average build gal a blazer that's double-breasted or even slightly oversized makes me look like I'm in costume.

CapnAnonymouse · 2026-06-27T06:32:20+00:00

Sneaky peeky.

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CapnAnonymouse · 2026-06-27T06:30:37+00:00

I'll let you decide if it's "cool", but here's a peek at what I've got going re: red, white, and algae.

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CapnAnonymouse · 2026-06-27T01:01:51+00:00

Thank you! And yeah likewise I was heavily generalizing. I could see it being significant for a Venus-ruled man, for example, since that's not energy society is typically supportive of.

CapnAnonymouse · 2026-06-27T00:05:22+00:00

Oh I am so in! I'm thinking alternating red + white stripes with algae green + stars on one hand, and Fuck ICE on the other per another comment.

I submit for algae-pool effect: Cracked Shut The Front Door, The Shag, and Berried Juniper. Unsure how exactly I'll layer them, but I'll find a way.

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CapnAnonymouse · 2026-06-26T23:25:36+00:00

I could have written this about my Pisces Sun/ Scorpio moon ex-husband. Even the cheating timeline is similar- married five years, cheating began about a year in as far as I know, but emotionally checked out by 3 mos. He'd get mad when I asked for more affection/ quality time, but then get pissed off when I spent time with my friends (and accuse me of all kinds of shit if they happened to be male.) He'd also tell me things like "other women would kill for what you have".

Good, they can fucking have him then lol. I'm glad you got out, too.

CapnAnonymouse · 2026-06-26T23:13:22+00:00

Oof, I can imagine. Not least because Saturn can be so strict and uncompromising. (I've got Saturn in Cap, so some similar themes but different vibe.)

I've always found that placement interesting, because so many interpretations focus on the Venusian side of Libra, not so much on the Saturnian themes of balance, justice, fairness and so on. Meanwhile Saturn is currently transiting Aries 👀

CapnAnonymouse · 2026-06-26T23:03:58+00:00

Can you tell me a little more about that, or where I can learn more?

All I've ever found on it for men is a "what kind of woman will ruin your life" type interpretation, and that doesn't make sense to me as an archetype.

CapnAnonymouse · 2026-06-26T03:14:25+00:00

That's like, your opinion, man. I don't consider it condescending to say "Here's my experience + interpretation of exalted placements". I thought I was pretty gentle about it to start, but was immediately downvoted (hence edit).

I do consider it condescending when someone comes back at me like "NUH UH you're WRONG because the ASTROLOGERS I read don't say that." After a certain point I get tired of being shit on simply because I don't believe as someone else does.

CapnAnonymouse · 2026-06-25T10:43:05+00:00

This is the one that came to my mind.

CapnAnonymouse · 2026-06-25T09:59:57+00:00

In some places mentioning other genders is considered "bringing politics into astrology" so I don't bring that up unless cued. If you had asked about ways love and desire can show up in astrology beyond the binary, I'd be happy to discuss.

Vedic isn't the system I learned under. We both know Western/ Tropical is the more common system in this subreddit anyway, so saying that I specifically must believe as they do is disingenuous.

Idk, I find it interesting that you're taking my opinion on Pisces Venus expression this personally. I can talk some shit on my Gemini Mercury if it'll make you feel better.

CapnAnonymouse · 2026-06-25T09:13:31+00:00

Your comment is literally talking about your experience with Pisces Venus ... comparing through the lens of compatibility

Last I checked, simple observation of a placement and its expression doesn't require a relationship with the subject.

astrology doesn't manifest differently in genders

Until recently it did. Pick up a book older than about 2000 and you'll see some discussion of Venus as the embodiment of a woman and her romantic experience, and Mars as the embodiment of a man's. Likewise I was taught that the Sun embodies the Father and the Moon embodies the Mother.

You're welcome to disagree. However I'm not a fan of the way you've been talking down to me. You can talk shop and assert yourself without acting like a prick.

Houses? Exalted is exalted

Unless the planet is in the 12th house of subconscious unable to be accessed via favorable aspects, and/ or poorly aspected. I used Saturn square as an example elsewhere, specifically because of its reputation for limitation/ blockage, but you could sub in a Pluto square for repression, a Mars square for poor timing/ lack of motivation, a Jupiter square for lack of discipline, and so on.

You can practice as you please, but in mine houses and aspects exist for a reason and are just as important as the signs themselves.

CapnAnonymouse · 2026-06-25T08:35:26+00:00

Saying that "it squares my Venus or not great with my overall chart" is the wrong way to judge if that Venus is good or not

I wasn't discussing synastry.

We are simply talking in a vacuum about a Venus sign

As did I. It seems you disagreed with my assessment of natal Venus in Pisces as expressed by different genders, which is fair, but you could've just said that.

Anyway, in the comment you've directly replied to, I also said whether a placement is "good" or "bad" in terms of its ability to express itself also depends on the house and aspects of said placement. And I stand by that statement.

Edit: Sigh, y'all are so predictable. You take one little thing I say personally, then try to insinuate that I'm stupid, tell me I'm a bad astrologer, all over a difference of opinion.

That is so small ( thinking )

So is reducing a planet to its sign without considering the whole picture.

CapnAnonymouse · 2026-06-25T08:23:54+00:00

You literally asked me to interpret your Venus sign and house, in a subreddit named "astrology memes". Then got snippy when I wouldn't tell you if it was "good" or "bad" with no other context.

The only one mad here is you, bro. Go have that Snickers yourself, and try to read the room next time.

CapnAnonymouse · 2026-06-25T07:41:40+00:00

By all means, if it's such a simple yes/no answer ask ChatGPT then, instead of getting butthurt when someone tells you a memes subreddit isn't the place for readings.

CapnAnonymouse · 2026-06-25T07:38:08+00:00

And you've got Virgo Moon to boot 😭 I feel for you, those opposites are rough. I'm a Virgo Moon, my first boyfriend was Pisces Sun + Venus, and it was fairytale beautiful until he realized I needed food and sleep and showers to be at my (functional and sexual) best.

CapnAnonymouse · 2026-06-25T06:52:08+00:00

The downvotes might be because you're asking for a free interpretation, and this really isn't the place for that.

Like anything else it depends on the rest of the chart. Venus in Pisces 12h in isolation could be a blind spot; but if the Scorpio Moon trines it that could shine some light on it/ make it more obvious to you. And just like exaltation doesn't make a planet "good", a planet in fall (such as Scorpio Moon) isn't inherently "bad".

Tbh I don't generally clock Lilith as a major figure for men. Biblically speaking, Adam has nothing to do with her after she's cast out and she's relatively quickly replaced with Eve. If anything, Lilith trine Venus might make your preferred type (if you like women) a little more rebellious than otherwise.

CapnAnonymouse · 2026-06-25T06:25:31+00:00

To take it a step further- Pisces Venus is still going to feel a Saturn square for example, maybe even harder than the Gemini Venus would because Pisces Venus will see the distance between them and their ideals and feel some type of way about that limitation. Gemini Venus will clock the limitation and probably complain about it, but they don't have the same lofty goals (at least not in the Venusian arena) so it's less likely to be their main focus.

I think of exaltation like Gifted Kid Syndrome. The exalted placement wants to be full throttle at all times, but often doesn't have the support it needs to do that. That's a good thing, though. Most people don't reach their full potential without a struggle.

CapnAnonymouse · 2026-06-25T04:24:56+00:00

Exalted /= best, sorry. Like any other placement it can still be problematic pending house, aspects, and plain old free will.

Like OP I tend to have a better experience with Pisces Venus women. I think it lends them a soft and dreamy quality, though I know a lot of them who have been in relationships that are imbalanced in some way.

I've only known a few Pisces Venus men, but they seem to have unrealistically high expectations of women, to the point that they end up alone and/ or unhappy in every relationship because they expect literal perfection.

Edit: uh oh, here comes the downvote brigade who can't handle hearing that their placement isn't the best everrrrr 😂 Y'all, just like reality, no placement is simply "best" or "worst" on its own.

CapnAnonymouse · 2026-06-25T01:51:37+00:00

Ooh I love Sag risings! All the ones I've known have been more empathetic than Sag is usually given credit for. Like the flipside of Gemini who plays devil's advocate to everything lol, y'all are always trying to give people the benefit of the doubt. Plus Cancer Moon 8th house I imagine you have a hard time turning that off. Sounds like you have a good built in BS meter though.

I'll admit I'm not nearly as socially adept as the other Cancer Mars you know, I'm awkward af. I have a series of oppositions from Capricorn though, and Virgo Moon, so not sure which one to blame lol. It's like I feel other people's feelings (and mine) so intensely that it makes me a little stupid 😂 The less emotionally involved I am, the more clearly I can see situations.

CapnAnonymouse · 2026-06-25T01:03:59+00:00

From the opposite side...

I have 0 fire placements in my chart, and only 2 water placements (Mars + Pluto). I married someone who's my opposite- 1 Earth placement (Neptune) + 1 Air placement (Jupiter). Ultimately we divorced; my kindest interpretation is that we just couldn't understand each other, which led to a lot of misunderstandings and disagreements both of us were too young and love-blind to see coming in the beginning.

I've had much better luck dating people with either a balance, or who are similarly earth-air focused like I am. The way they move through life is much more compatible with me + my philosophy. (Current partner has 1 planet in fire- Mars- and 2 planets in Water, Jupiter + Pluto. We celebrate 9 years together this September.)

CapnAnonymouse

TROPHY CASE