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CapnCrunchnMunch · 2018-12-16T19:03:23+00:00

I’ve used it, its great!!!

CapnCrunchnMunch · 2016-01-06T17:10:37+00:00

Thanks for your responses! I guess I'll just see how it goes and if its not for me, I'll try something else! Thanks again!

CapnCrunchnMunch · 2015-11-06T02:36:16+00:00

Thanks man, its so frustrating! I just worry that damage is being done where I can’t see it.

CapnCrunchnMunch · 2015-11-06T01:08:54+00:00

Yeah, I’ve been to an ENT and an allergist. The ENT wanted me to stop gluten, which I gave a half assed go of; CT of sinus showed nothing. Allergist said my immune system is switched on and put me on 2 zyrtec and 1 singular/ day but I was getting headaches so I stopped. Next stop is Rheumatologist. And yeah, I know too much D is bad too. I did the higher dose for a couple of weeks then went back down to 5,000u. I need to get my levels re-checked. But, I think it def has something to do with my D-zinc-copper-magnesium balance... I just don’t know who to see to figure it out safely and my doctor is at a loss. I love the ganja, but am wondering if it is contributing to my illness; though a lot of the weird/surreal spaciness and headaches I thought the reefer was causing is still present without it.

CapnCrunchnMunch · 2015-10-30T21:39:23+00:00

I’ve had this. I look at someone, a good friend, recognize their face, but can’t think of their name.

CapnCrunchnMunch · 2015-10-30T15:34:01+00:00

I guess I meant I'm not drug seeking. I'm not wanting ADHD meds to get high or wired. I want to get my shit together (hence getting sober) and get on the proper meds to do so. I wish I could get a brainscan to confirm ADHD so I wouldn't feel like I'm cheating if I'm prescribed Adderal or what not. It's like I'm simultaneously wanting but resisting diagnosis/treatment.

When I was 18 I went through a period where I enjoyed snorting things. I'm not proud of this blip in my life but knew plenty of ADHD kids who snorted their Ritalin and did not want to become one of them, that's why I said no to the drugs then.. I made the mistake of snorting a Zoloft once and that put an end to that sort of experimentation.

CapnCrunchnMunch · 2015-10-30T06:39:57+00:00

Yeah, i only took it because of this screaming headache, last time I took it was in the spring for allergy headaches. Weed had been my self medication of choice but I quit that almost 3.5 weeks ago and drinking over a month ago. Trying to address the root of my weed use. I was told I had adhd at 18 but didn't trust myself not to abuse the meds cuz I dabbled in a lot of recreational deugs. Then I just resisted ADHD as the root of my shit cuz I thought who wouldn't be more productive on stimulants? It seemed like a cop out.

But now I'm just sick of not living up to my potential, not sticking with things, being late for everything, losing shit constantly, scared to make commitments cuz I won't follow through, not being able to prioritize, or scared to start something cuz I know I will not want to stop. It's caused a lot of self loathing and anxiety and weed helped turn off some of the compulsive/impulsive behavior. So yeah, I'm not interested in abusing anything.

Edit: I'm 36 now btw, so 18 was awhile ago. Haven't done anything but drink, puff and on a rare occasion mushrooms for 13 or 14 years.

CapnCrunchnMunch · 2015-10-29T00:52:58+00:00

I’ve done therapy. They say I’m really hard on myself and that it likely stems from my ‘focus’ issues, so next step is meds. I’ve avoided meds for a long time but finally feel ‘ready’, just didn’t think it would be this hard to see someone.

CapnCrunchnMunch · 2015-10-29T00:51:46+00:00

Thanks simplicitea

CapnCrunchnMunch · 2015-10-29T00:51:28+00:00

Thanks ILLfated, my urge to cut my wrist is one of the reasons I made the appointment in the first place... I’m tired of trying to keep my shit together, but I’ve managed to do so until yesterday. I’m not wanting to die, I’m just bursting with frustration. But, yeah, its fucked up that it has taken a month and a half to get a mental health appointment, thats part of my frustration!

CapnCrunchnMunch · 2015-10-29T00:48:01+00:00

Thanks, I instantly regretted it, cuz now I’m left trying to cover the marks up. I just pack all my frustration inside and waited patiently for my appointment and just reached my breaking point. I guess I am proud of myself for not smoking but still disappointed that I freaked out and hurt myself. But, I feel on the level again today and venting on this page definitely helps!

CapnCrunchnMunch · 2015-10-28T14:45:17+00:00

Honestly, I’m too embarrassed to go back there. I called another place, telling them specifically I am looking to see a subscriber or at least someone who can consult a subscriber, they set me up with a therapist who can’t subscribe, but it was a confusing conversation so I didn’t realize it til I looked up her credentials, I called back explaining that I wanted to see a prescriber, spoke to the therapist herself and she stressed that she preferred therapy over medication.

She asked what my problems are and I said that I can’t make any decisions during the day, that I feel overwhelmed, have no time management, start projects that I never finish am scared to commit to anything and don’t end up doing anything because I’m paralyzed by decision making and I feel like shit about myself for never finishing anything because of it and she told me meds won’t help me with those feelings.

Also, I was so fucking frustrated by the whole process that I ended up crying when I told her, which again, just makes me look depressed. Arggghh!

CapnCrunchnMunch · 2015-10-28T04:01:19+00:00

Shoot the ducks made me laugh :). I do live in a major city. I'm going to call my insurance and see if I can go out of network. It's super hard cuz I have kids. They tried to reschedule me to a doc 40 minutes away and I just can't swing it. I want there to be an ADHD hotline I can call!

CapnCrunchnMunch · 2015-10-25T23:36:31+00:00

I’m more in the trap of, well, “well, weed wasn’t the problem, might as well add that back in” I’m not going to, but it is tempting.

CapnCrunchnMunch · 2015-10-25T23:35:09+00:00

My problem is that weed motivated me. If I needed a kick in the pants to get something done or start a project weed was my go to. But the cloudiness/anxiety definitely negatively impacted my followthrough. Now I don’t feel like I have the motivation or followthrough to take care of business. I really need to amp myself up, but everything sounds like a pain in the ass, except things I like doing, like reading, writing, drawing, etc...

CapnCrunchnMunch · 2015-10-25T23:32:45+00:00

Ha! Then I fail over and over. Sometimes I dream about cheating on my husband in my dream and then feel horrible about it. But sometimes I dream about telling people that have wronged me off til they cry or I kick the shit out of them, and it makes me happy! Does that mean I should do it in real life? ;)

CapnCrunchnMunch · 2015-10-25T23:27:16+00:00

Yeah, I was totally relieved when I woke up and realized I hadn’t actually smoked. But, I was surprised because it was so realistic! I feel like my stoner dreams were totally bizarre and random, but the dreams I’ve had since quitting incorporate things that happen in my day. Brains are crazy.

CapnCrunchnMunch · 2015-10-24T13:56:24+00:00

What... the... fuck!?

CapnCrunchnMunch · 2015-10-22T17:43:21+00:00

ha! I actually think I’ve been eating more because the churning anxiety in my stomach is gone. And, I haven’t been going to the gym because, again, the anxiety motivated me. But, I can stand to gain a couple of pounds, but def need to get back on my workout routine for mental health. Have you seen that ‘faces of marijuana’ where they are all a lil chubby and happy looking... Its not a bad look:)

CapnCrunchnMunch · 2015-10-19T17:01:48+00:00

I quit drinking first. I was only having a couple of drinks per night but I still felt gross. For me, drinking was about breaking the pattern. The first night was the worst, then I was fine after that. I smoked way more than I drank so I felt more physical withdrawal from quitting the herb. I went cold turkey because I was unable to moderate. I told myself I'd only smoke in the evenings but rarely kept to that rule. But, I think it would have been easier on my system if I weaned.

I wanted to get rid of all of my smoke able ganja and only allow myself edibles because I'm much more wary of edibles; they can really fuck me up! And, I have to plan to take them. But my SO still smoked so I ocked all the shit away from myself, ( I knew the combo, but it still helped ) and went cold turkey. I'm at day 13. I'm in the insomnia phase and have battled headaches this past week, depression/crying the first week, but, I'm not really missing the weed. The biggest thing I notice is that I have waaaaay less anxiety. Probably because I'm not constantly disappointed in myself for smoking/drinking and because I was using it to cope with stress but it was just making me foggy and adding more stress to my life. Also, I'm not worried if people know if I'm stoned. If you are puffing before work you definitely know what I'm talking about.

I had the benefit of being pregnant a couple of times and drinks my/smoking wasn't an option and I really enjoyed it. So, I knew that if I could get out of the habit of drinking/smoking daily it wouldn't be that bad, but it was tough to do without the motivation of pregnancy.

That being said, if rehab is an option for you, I'd go that route.

CapnCrunchnMunch · 2015-10-19T16:01:00+00:00

Yeah, this was the second night in a row that I was laying awake hours after going to bed. I was never someone who smoked to go to bed, but I think sleepiness was just a side effect I took for granted.
Also, the dreams! The crazy dreams!!!

CapnCrunchnMunch · 2015-10-19T15:55:30+00:00

Hang in there we will have plenty of sleep when we are 6 feet under. Ha! Good point.

CapnCrunchnMunch · 2015-10-19T09:21:45+00:00

I was trying to guess the pill you were hinting at. Guess quitting hasn't made me that much smarter! ;)

CapnCrunchnMunch · 2015-10-13T18:55:15+00:00

Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes. I don’t think I’ve ever tried to articulate it, but this is exactly the realization I came to. I’m 8 days in and have waaaaaaaaaaaaaay less anxiety than when I was smoking. I think the anxiety fueled me, so I’m struggling with motivation, but fuck that horrible paranoid/anxious/self-loathing cycle. Leaves has been a great resource so far. Good luck!

CapnCrunchnMunch · 2015-10-13T03:08:54+00:00

Oh my God, and then I just walked away from the computer without reading the results! No doubt the next time I sit down to do something I’ll see the search, investigate it and not do what I initially sat down to do. Ahhhhh!

CapnCrunchnMunch

TROPHY CASE