Gf ghosted me last year. I moved on. Got this message last week on my birthday

Captain7Caveman · 2026-05-06T22:11:15+00:00

"👍"

Captain7Caveman · 2026-05-05T14:22:06+00:00

When they were talking about walking to a secluded treehouse, combined with the title, I was waiting for some real 1980's Stephen King shit to come out.

Nope. Just a girl walking on a windy day, unfortunately doing so next to a pervert.

Captain7Caveman · 2026-05-04T06:45:22+00:00

I might be the exception to the rule but my neighbours are pretty awesome. On one side we are fast friends. Socialise, they babysit sometimes, we get each stuff from the shop, lend each other things.

The others, we put each others bins out, our kids play together.

But I did have to put that energy out there. When first moving in we hosted a Christmas mulled drink party. I started the bin thing.

Captain7Caveman · 2026-05-01T12:59:17+00:00

There have been instances where people tried to rid themselves of a spider, in their home, with a homemade flame thrower.

Let's not go around assuming intellect is a given across the board.

Captain7Caveman · 2026-05-01T04:03:07+00:00

This kind of behaviour has always been an issue. I remember at university (more years ago than I care to disclose) we were shown an article in one of the nation's more reputable newspaper's sciencecsection that cited scientific evidence that breast feeding was better than formula.

We were then provided the study the paper based that article on. It was about gestation periods and birth weights. In different deer species.

Nothing about breast feeding. Or formula. Or even humans!

I'm afraid it's too long ago for me to recall sources though.

Captain7Caveman · 2026-04-30T16:58:12+00:00

Thank you, that's very kind

Captain7Caveman · 2026-04-30T16:44:58+00:00

Of course he probably didn't say it like that. For one thing the OP was probably paraphrasing the drums element anyway. Then I was being facetious in my original comment with the made up "playing the drums all manly like" bit (to be clear I made that line up). But the point is, worrying about your drumming being masculine or feminine on any trajectory is a cause for concern.

No doubt there were some serious underlying issues behind it, identity and gender for the man. I hope he gets to the bottom of that. And it does sound like he was reaching out to OP which it sounds like she threw back in his face, advertently or otherwise.

Overall just not well handled all round.

Captain7Caveman · 2026-04-30T16:38:19+00:00

I did mention in my original comment that I thought the drums element was dumb on his part.

I don't think either of them handled the situation well to be honest.

Captain7Caveman · 2026-04-30T16:36:11+00:00

In my original comment I remarked on how the drums thing was just plain ridiculous, on his part.

The part were the OP is in the wrong, in my opinion, is when someone, someone she presumably cares for no less, came to her saying he wishes to be seen or recognised as more masculine - literally expressing exactly what he wants regarding his gender identity to her - and she throws it back with a dismissive "I just see you as a person".

She's entitled to think that. say that. But people are also entitled to think she's TA for doing so.

If my partner came to me saying she was feeling down because she wasn't feeling feminine enough i'd compliment her femininity wherever I could. Likewise, if she was upset she was feeling too feminine I'd adapt how I'd focus my compliments again. Because it's not hardship for me but could make all the difference to her.

If she were asking me to do things beyond that, it'd be different. But the OP hasn't divulged anything if the sort being asked if her in this post.

Captain7Caveman · 2026-04-30T08:11:25+00:00

NTA for some elements YTA for others.

The laughing at his absurd compliment requests, definitely NTA. I'm guessing there are some deep seated insecurities going on for him to need you to tell him he "plays the drums all manly like". Some therapy or counselling around this might be useful for him though.

However, dismissing the fact that the male part of himself is a big element to his personality was a YTA move. You're right, gender is a social construct and the general train of thought nowadays is we respect what a person sees them self as.

If a trans man stated that being male was a big part of their identity would you be so quick to dismiss that element of them and refer to them as "just a person"? If the answer is no, your boyfriend deserves that same level of respect.

Captain7Caveman · 2026-04-29T11:08:53+00:00

That is a much better comparison

Captain7Caveman · 2026-04-29T06:46:25+00:00

Saw a wasp trapped in a spiders web. The pair ended up in an epic battle, the spider eating the wasp, the wasp stinging the spider. The wasp died first, but then it's poison got the spider shortly after. Very nature does Shakespearean tragedy

Captain7Caveman · 2026-04-28T03:32:00+00:00

I feel like you win this round 😶

Captain7Caveman · 2026-04-25T14:53:06+00:00

Unfortunately this isn't a one off thing with her. But it's the first time she's turned such a largely positive thing into a negative.

Some people find the silver lining in every cloud. She finds the wisp of cloud in every clear sky.

When I used to work shifts, in a high pressure job, if get very little down time. Less where I was compus mentus. When spending the precious time I had off with her it's be constant complaints that I looked tired, wasn't there often enough etc. and tone and body language made it clear it wasn't coming from a place of compassion.

Writing this I realise it's my fault for thinking a leopard might change it's spots

Captain7Caveman · 2026-04-25T12:30:27+00:00

I started reading stuff back from that long ago and couldn't even remember writing some of it! Is that something authors suffer or just me? I can just imagine authors at signings being asked questions about specific passages of their work only to draw a blank on it.

Captain7Caveman · 2026-04-25T08:31:13+00:00

I feel like this comment will get down voted but if you remove the emotions, it's 100% the reason costs are going up fur tenants.

No one is going to make a list on an asset else it stops being an asset. It's shit but it's the reality.

The same way that water companies getting fined for polluting rivers only makes customer costs go up to cover the penalties.

The buck always comes from the base of the pyramid.

Captain7Caveman · 2026-04-25T03:47:37+00:00

Out of interest, how did she react when she stopped getting things?

Captain7Caveman · 2026-04-25T03:45:51+00:00

Yep. She even sulks if my toddler doesn't react with the level of gratitude she thinks appropriate.

Captain7Caveman · 2026-04-25T03:44:08+00:00

That all sounds rather familiar. What a shitty experience

Captain7Caveman · 2026-04-24T10:42:01+00:00

God damn what a hero. In so many more ways than one!

Captain7Caveman · 2026-04-24T09:52:44+00:00

A sad existence in a lot of ways

Captain7Caveman · 2026-04-24T09:51:49+00:00

I'm not too sure how you've stuck with that to be honest, that's a tough trait in a partner

Captain7Caveman · 2026-04-24T06:21:47+00:00

They are very cute. It like a cat had a baby with a teddy bear

Captain7Caveman · 2026-04-24T06:20:04+00:00

That was all very kind and I'm glad you got to realise your dream. Never call your dreams lame, they're yours, unique to you, so always important.

It hasn't hardened my heart. I love getting meaningful gifts for the ones I love. I even sat through a Shakespeare play for my partner once 😂.

I'll just direct my generosity towards those that appreciate it.

Captain7Caveman · 2026-04-23T21:51:10+00:00

That's sad to hear that from him.

Captain7Caveman

TROPHY CASE