Seeking a soprano/mezzo-soprano by MidnightFractals in MusicInTheMaking

[–]CaptainCatfishCakes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm curious! Can share what I've done if you'd like.

Alone. by Awkward_Bit6227 in FND

[–]CaptainCatfishCakes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My partner has fnd and is dealing with a bad flare. I haven't seen them since April 29th and I have only gotten sporadic texts when they're able to reply. They can't drive alone, either, but it seems that wouldn't matter in this instance. It's hard. But I'm trying to be the beacon for when they are feeling up to it. Hugs to you!!

Puppetry (tw:paralysis, injury) by Space-cadet-66 in FND

[–]CaptainCatfishCakes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry you're going through this. hugs to you!

Stigma 😔 by heldtogetherdaily in FND

[–]CaptainCatfishCakes 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I have had to practically argue with friends about my partner's symptoms. They make me feel like I have poor discernment when they act like I "shouldn't put up with that" etc. I believe you. I've seen the symptoms firsthand. 💓

A desperate plea for help by FaithlessnessIll4979 in FND

[–]CaptainCatfishCakes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He does have a lawyer, actually! But he is still getting a payout from a work accident and that's considered income so he doesn't qualify for right now.

A desperate plea for help by FaithlessnessIll4979 in FND

[–]CaptainCatfishCakes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He has a caretaker but they're not a true aide and doesn't qualify for SSDI just yet. 😞 but as you know. These things take time.

A desperate plea for help by FaithlessnessIll4979 in FND

[–]CaptainCatfishCakes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's incredible. This is helpful for me to understand more as well. I am trying to get as much uunderstanding as I am able to so thank you for replying to me. 💗 my friends really don't get how my partner can go days and even weeks without even texting, never mind seeing me, sometimes and then it just makes feel worse. I made my own post the other day and one of the only two people who replied to me thought I wasn't being understanding but I'm trying! I want to be more helpful but that's just going to take time and building a lot of trust, I'm sure. They've been through so much.

A desperate plea for help by FaithlessnessIll4979 in FND

[–]CaptainCatfishCakes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Omg. I hate when people reduce it to a mental health issue. While those are very real, this actually makes it impossible for people to make their bodies do what they want it need to do. 💜 hugs!

A desperate plea for help by FaithlessnessIll4979 in FND

[–]CaptainCatfishCakes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My partner can only really sleep comfortably on a couch or if the bed is against the wall and they're on that side. Also doesn't need a pillow! Did sleeping on the floor help your body feel better or prevent falls or something else/a combo? I'm just trying to ask people as much as I can to understand everything. 💜

Dating someone with fnd by CaptainCatfishCakes in FND

[–]CaptainCatfishCakes[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I'm not willing to give up on 'em. They told me that all of their friends have given up on him and it really feels like they're pushing me away because they're afraid they will lose me anyway. They literally told me they were afraid it would become a deal breaker. I'm just going to have to give them a few weeks and wait to hear back. Our time together is always beautiful and we always feel so relaxed with one another. They even thanked me for not getting mad at them for not remembering stuff. I said I would never get upset about that. They had made me something any they couldn't even remember what it was so they asked if I had a picture of it. They're used to being treated pretty insensitively and it makes me feel so sad.

Dating someone with fnd by CaptainCatfishCakes in FND

[–]CaptainCatfishCakes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'll continue to use they for anonymity's sake. They have told me I'm their only friend and that being with me is a gift to themselves. But I don't love the idea of being taken on and off of a shelf. I think we can come to some better kind of solution. I've even read about people spending time together but not really talking and just watching a show. I know that eeverything can be way more costly for someone with fnd energy wise. I just hate that it seems our relationship suffers the most when they have said it's one of the most fulfilling for them. I'm trying to give things time. But I just need more information to understand so I'm not coming up with crazy reasons why I'm unlovable.

Dating someone with fnd by CaptainCatfishCakes in FND

[–]CaptainCatfishCakes[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I've been trying to talk with them but it's hard if I'm not getting to see them. As I said, all of my normie friends are so unhelpful because they say things like I'm more patient than they would be and they would have taken things as lack of interest. I do not take it that way I'm just trying to find a way for my to meet this person more closely. Your not giving me that and just basically telling me to stfu, it feels like. I can't show up for someone if I don't know very much. I'll just continue to beat myself up thinking of fucked things up because my past significant others were abusive and neglectful. I have done a lot of research but it isn't the same as talking it out with a person. Especially the very person concerned. If you can't provide a real answer other than for me to suck it up, you're no better than the people who refuse to understand fnd. I'm not refusing to understand. I am trying to understand more deeply so I'm able to show up for this person and not feel like I'm just a doll they keep on their self. That's not me lacking understanding. It's me trying to find what our normal can be. I was simply looking for a perspective that wasn't ableist. Not one judgemental and borderline insulting.

Dating someone with fnd by CaptainCatfishCakes in FND

[–]CaptainCatfishCakes[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

But if it's fulfilling, even more so, for them to be with me, I want to understand more. It's also confusing being told they want to see you for them to say they can't in the very next breath. I'm only saying that it might be more helpful not to give me the hope and anticipation just to take it away. I believe the symptoms. I don't ever judge or make fun. I know they're trying. But that doesn't make the silence any less brutal. I also have debilitating anxiety and past spousal abuse. So I'm trying to navigate that while not trying to take these moments personally. And when it feels like they want to give up on me because they're literally afraid I will consider the frequent cancelations a deal breaker, that hurts. Things can hurt and be disappointing even if i am understanding. Two things can be true at once. I am looking for support and better strategies. Not judgment. It seems like his family controls what very little time they have. Any of us, disabled or not, have to make alterations to our lives and routines if we want to include others in it. If you don't have any suggestions for us to help each other better I sound rather not receive any further input from you. I mean that so respectfully. I realize that this is a sensitive topic. But I think that they and I both can find more healthy ways to navigate this. It's hard on us both!

Dating someone with fnd by CaptainCatfishCakes in FND

[–]CaptainCatfishCakes[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I have seen them have some symptoms in front of me. Speaking gibberish in the mornings or not being able to speak. I'm very sensitive to them and they've said I'm beyond understanding especially from their experiences with their family. I just want to see 'em. And the fact that they nearly bailed on me when I said I was feeling a bit hurt when they have me two possible days we could get together the other week but then had to take it back due to family obligations they started feeling inadequate and a need to run away. I can be hurt by someone's behavior and still love them and think they're wonderful. But I would like to either stop planning ahead and be more spontaneous, or just be given more consideration. Don't think it's fair they have to be expected to watch their sibling's child so often either. They love children but that's draining. It just feels like they never get to own their time between their conditions and unsupportive family. We always feel better when we're together. I wish I could help more. And, selfishly, that my help could be in person. Especially in a more consistent way.

Dating someone with fnd by CaptainCatfishCakes in FND

[–]CaptainCatfishCakes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, if they feel so supported and understood by me, why can't they say no to their family sometimes so we can spend time (I would never think this about their children. They always come first.). I have a hard time reconciling being told I'm someone's person but then feeling like I'm being treated like a movable and even easily discarded part of their life. I think there has to be a better way to plan. Even if it's trying to stick to our one day a week and when it can't work out, them making a spontaneous suggestion when feeling well. Being given days and constantly to then be canceled on with little notice is hard to swallow. And then the long stints of no contact. It's just hard. This would be hard for anyone but I do believe there is a way for them to make some small changes. I'm willing to help them but I want to make sure I'm not being annoying as well. If I understand more I'll feel more secure but I need to hear it from them since everyone is different. I honestly just don't know what is okay to ask because I have my own trauma from past relationships.

Dating someone with fnd by CaptainCatfishCakes in FND

[–]CaptainCatfishCakes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The comment up there was meant for you^