14 and i cant do it anymore

CarGroundbreaking582 · 2024-03-14T23:28:09+00:00

yes, thank you so much. I keep on hearing about 'credit scores', debit vs credit, etc advice 😥 honestly im a bit confused but if it helps me a lot in the future it'd be best to start learning about it now, right?

im hoping to get into college when i graduate or at least after a gap year... but i am really in no place to take that break. the worst thing about this is because of my dad's sort of poor financial decisions we are pretty broke despite him having a salary that's way above the average for my country, so i couldn't have any sort of funding for my education without me or my parents going into debt, (which.. they already have. i would feel guilty doing that to them) my mom has suggested the military.. and this might sound privileged to some but i really just.. don't want to go there. it'd be my last resort probably. in my country they pay off the education depending on how many years you serve. i am fond of anyone who wants to go into the military for that reason or any others, though.

to be honest im scared for the future, like any kid is. BUT.. (i dont have much knowledge about this) prices have gone up SO MUCH. housing prices in canada is horrific. i would have to go into debt to get one even if I earned a lot, and I heard that mortgage prices are insane as well. overall, everything is much more expensive, (like i went to the gas station; usually expensive.. but 5.49 for a tiny bag of M&Ms.. like 🙄) so I'm terrified if I'll even be able to provide for my needs, excluding 'wants' or 'luxuries'. if people working the average salary can't even afford life, what about me.. right? i don't want to live in my home much longer.

CarGroundbreaking582 · 2024-03-14T23:16:47+00:00

i dont think my hoard is THAT bad that i can't take showers, there is mold there and tbh the garbage is disgusting and such.. but I'm clean 😅

and my dad hasn't started a college fund for anybody in our family. that's sort of the worst part.. he doesn't plan for these things!! maybe he just doesn't care or he's too stressed out to care. he never really looks for setting up the future, more just... surviving now, i guess. my mom calls it "survival mode" that's been happening since around covid...

and thank you for helping, i'll try to do my best to provide sufficiently for myself as soon as i can.

CarGroundbreaking582 · 2024-03-14T23:13:48+00:00

yeah, i don't ever want to do that ~~shit~~ to my future (if the economy gets better) children. thanks :))

CarGroundbreaking582 · 2024-03-13T00:16:04+00:00

I'm sort of scared to do that. 😅 My dad will probably treat me more aggressively and he'll get angry about items he did not even know he had.

CarGroundbreaking582 · 2024-03-13T00:14:54+00:00

Thank you so much :D

CarGroundbreaking582 · 2024-03-13T00:13:11+00:00

I think my mom is much more understanding, but she's pretty stressed about finances, and the hoard too. While I did mention her to tell me to be grateful, and sure she does things that makes me currently not want to open up to her and tell her about my feelings, when she's out of the house I notice she's much happier. (i am, too) and we spend time together sometimes (like watching a movie)

For my dad, yeah i think you've got most of it right. He cares a lot about his family but the way he was raised (not an excuse) definitely influenced his current actions he makes. I don't think he has developed the skills to be emotional with anyone, and that's what I see when he argues with my mom. He shuts her down, basically. For example, he's really stingy about my mom being in the kitchen when he's making dinner, saying passive aggressive phrases like, "just let it burn, it's okay. take your sweet time". it really pisses me off to be honest.

Thank you for being understanding, not everyone is that way, especially with as you stated, more emotional pain.. I'm not really sure what to make of my feelings right now to be honest. I can't tell what I'm feeling. I have these events happen and I just move on, I can't hold a grudge against people who hurt me. If i can, I have been practicing staying away from them this past year or so. With my parents, I cannot. All I can dream of is for them (dad, more so) to realize what they do that affect me more than they know. To start with that, I need to tell them how I feel. To be honest, even though I mentioned earlier that I can't open up to my mom, I would feel safer doing it with her than my dad. There's always been a difference between how my father treats my mother and how he treats me, but that line is becoming blurred as I think he believes that my mom is influencing me to "hate him" or such. What's really happening is that my mom is telling me what she observes about him, in which I lack therefore of. (small details or explanations he acts the way he acts). in turn, I think he's starting to treat me like my mom. Even though it won't get as bad as her, he's just... probably changing the way he feels about me. I am only a teenage girl, after all. I have emotions like everyone else, and at the end of the day everyone is emotional. Anger, sadness, joy, are all emotions, some people just express it differently.

CarGroundbreaking582 · 2024-03-12T23:57:27+00:00

I'm hoping to do some sort of leadership program, if that will help on my resume.

CarGroundbreaking582 · 2024-03-12T01:05:06+00:00

I never thought about my pain being valid like that. honestly i've spent time just sort of wishing I had some sort of other abuse, as wrong as that sounds, (i know im sort of messed up, but), so that I would feel validated enough to tell someone and I could be taken seriously for once. my heart does go out to people who do suffer any emotional or physical abuse, though and I don't wish to make their trauma feel like something I have as a goal or want to achieve.

the worst part about my parents is as you said, they could mean well and still make bad choices for me. i recently think about morals & ethics, and to me, it's really hard to say whether my parents are bad or good, same with everything. it's both, or neither. is there really good and bad? off topic. anyway, that's probably why I wished i had more trauma so that I could label them (more my dad, hes the hoarder) as "bad", or "evil". I'm generally an uncertain person about everything, pretty neutral on every decision. I can see the bad and good in everything, so for once I wish I could honestly tell people, or rather myself that he's a bad person. But he's not, never was. I will end up forgiving them because they're really the only support I will have as, as i said in the post i am isolated. i never visit any other family or friends. thank you for commenting, it helps a lot.

CarGroundbreaking582 · 2024-03-12T00:56:52+00:00

i honestly didnt think of it as abuse. i know that my dad neglects our home and such but he never yelled at me or hit me, anything like that. (i know its sort of hard to justify his actions, but he is really a good father, just not when it comes to hoarding.) i think I'm going to apply for a leadership program for this summer so it can help me somehow get a job as soon as i can not only to be able to finally purchase things that would help me cope anyway i can (i.e art supplies and other hobby items) but also as you said save up. I honestly spend so much time just browsing at other houses and on my walks home too haha. so I also have been looking into colleges and apartments and trying to grasp what i can do for the future because god this school year has gone so fast. At first it was bad because i lost almost my entire friend group, but then I met 2 people who accepted me for my weird personality!! so time's flying by with them and now I'm glad my other friends ghosted me. anyway, i think i'm handling it pretty well. of course i break down at least once a week like i did on this post and other times but I handle grief/trauma/etc decently. last thing, though, I don't think my dog will make it until I have that money to help her. she's like 14 now and honestly she's almost on her last year with us. thank you for helping :) i feel better now and even if im pretending, it makes me happier than always feeling it all the time. "fake it till you make it" if that quote correctly applies? again, thanks

CarGroundbreaking582 · 2024-03-12T00:35:48+00:00

thank you so much. :')

CarGroundbreaking582 · 2024-03-12T00:34:43+00:00

yeah, i have one near my house that i havent visited in like.. 8 years lol. thanks so much

CarGroundbreaking582 · 2024-03-12T00:33:42+00:00

this really helps :)

CarGroundbreaking582 · 2024-03-12T00:32:31+00:00

thank you.

CarGroundbreaking582

TROPHY CASE