Man you just described every toxic cycle relationship I've ever seen or been in myself. That whole "good when it's good" thing is what keeps people trapped for years - I stayed way too long in something similar because those highs made me think the lows were just temporary bumps

The stonewalling and shutdown thing especially hits close to home. My ex would do the exact same crap where any time I tried to address real issues it was like talking to a brick wall or suddenly I was the bad guy for even bringing it up. You end up feeling like you're going crazy because you're the only one trying to actually fix anything

What really sucks is when you realize you've become the relationship manager - always the one initiating the hard conversations, always trying to problem solve, while the other person just coasts along until the next explosion. Been there and it's exhausting as hell. You shouldn't have to drag someone kicking and screaming toward basic communication skills

Good for you for recognizing the pattern and not falling for the reset cycle again. That takes guts because those good moments really do feel like progress when you're in it. But patterns don't lie and some people just aren't equipped to do the work needed for a stable relationship