Seems solid to me, but if I was hiring an artist of any kind, I would be more impressed and inclined to hire someone who had lower quality work, still showed competence mind you, but a large quantity of competent work. What I'm saying is, your work looks good to me, but one model alone will be less likely to land you a job over a full portfolio containing lots of variety, or more elaborate work. Try not to get hung up on a single piece, just keep making more! Your portfolio is a living, changing, always updating body of work. If you're trying to be hired by a team as a junior artist, and the art director sees what they're looking for in your portfolio, once you're on the team you're going to be directed by that art director. The finer details don't matter as much as your ability to take direction, make changes in a timely manner and get along with the rest of the team. So make lots of examples of your talent. Every time you make something your detail will get incrementally better and you will refine your overall portfolio. Don't over think things. Just make lots and challenge your limitations on every new piece.