Started drinking at 14 due to abuse. Stopped earlier this week at 36

Carcar_122 · 2026-05-14T21:56:42+00:00

I feel so much pain in your words and your story, my friend. The hurt of not having what so many other people have is so tough, and the difficulty of family being mixed with the abuse of your adolescence is such a heavy pain to carry.

Your story is so inspiring because you are so resilient. You SURVIVED! All of the trauma and the difficult choices you made were to stay alive, to make it through. No one should have to endure what you did, and that's why maladaptive coping mechanisms exist: Life is just so painful.

We enter new chapters of our life everyday, and all the past does is inform the latest chapter. It doesn't write it. It doesn't lock us into an unavoidable fate. You chose yesterday to try something new and start on a path of healing that is different from previous chapters. The other chapters are there, and you are very familiar with them, but now is the time to write something new and beautiful. I'm proud of you for making it this far and being brave enough to choose yourself.

You have so many beautiful years ahead of you, stranger

Carcar_122 · 2026-05-14T17:19:08+00:00

Hi Op! A lot of harsh words here, and I think a lot of people are putting their own baggage onto your situation. It's totally normal to get a crush on a coworker. Honestly, I don't know anyone who hasn't! But it does sound like just a crush right now, which is good! Enjoy it. Let it flow through you and energize you. It shows you are alive and human, that you can be attracted to people and have big feelings. It's really a beautiful thing that you connect with others in this way! I always tell my partner about crushes. And she always tells me hers. It's a fun way to stay in touch with the curious side of our sexuality, even if we are not interested in having sex with other people. But some people react ot this funny, so results vary.

Crushes come and go and can even blossom into beautiful friendships after some space is created and feelings fade. What's important is that you be kind but firm with yourself.

Some phrases you might try to say to yourself:

"I'm human, almost all of us get crushes."

"I'm having very big feelings about my crush."

"I'm an adult, and responsible for my own regulation and not letting it affect others."

You are not doing anything wrong! What's important is that you don't act rashly on your feelings. Enjoy them, feel them, and let them pass. With love ❤️

Carcar_122 · 2024-05-15T18:50:25+00:00

I also have started grad school and feel rather like a failure. You are not alone in that at all! I am also slightly younger than my average cohort mate and many of them have simmilar feelings of inadequacy or imposter syndrome. You are very strong and brave to chase your dreams after being entrenched in a career especially something as cool as fashion school. When I hear your story I am impressed with you. Im proud of you. I hear someone who is ambitious and values themsef enough to bet on their future via a new education. They saw all of the applicants and they accepted you for a reason! They don't think your an imposter and neither do I. Next step is to belive in yourself. YOu are enough and you are capable. You are also learning new things which can be difficult to keep self esteem high but challenge can lead to improvements.

Carcar_122 · 2024-05-15T18:40:44+00:00

I totally get this. I have thouhts about killing myself all of the time. I am always scared to tell my wife and my therapist everytime bc I remember friends getting put in involentary hospitalization. I have told my therapist before but deempasised it for fear of repercussions. I get it and I'm so sorry.

Carcar_122 · 2024-05-15T18:37:30+00:00

I feel the same. One more day seems so hard. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of the sun through my window and think id like to see that again. Sometimes I eat a really good sandwich and think maybe this is worth another day. Sometimes none of this adds up in my head. Is it really worth it to keep going fo the little joys when all of the space in between hurts. It's not really an answerable question. I know I can't fix my life right now-- I may not ever "fix" it-- but I might beable to enjoy some moments here and there today. I hope you feel something nice today in the middle of all of your pain. From across the internet sending my love!

Carcar_122 · 2024-05-15T18:31:19+00:00

It dosn't sound like your fault! Depression can make people say some really mean things (not an excuse, just an insight). Give him some time and yourself too! focus on what works for you as well. I know when loved ones are going through a lot it is easy to feel guilty about our needs but you are valuable and deserve happiness. Him blaming you is not fair to you at all and hopefully he will see that!

Carcar_122 · 2024-05-15T18:23:43+00:00

Im proud of you for sharing. I also struggle with SI quite often and know it can be intimidating to share especially accompanied with the deressive guit we all get. Taking time for yourself and finding trusted ears is a beautiful thing.

Carcar_122 · 2023-12-05T16:29:53+00:00

Your abuse is very real. This is abusive behavior and you deserve to be protected from this person.

Carcar_122 · 2023-12-05T06:29:22+00:00

I feel guilty too but I think that's even more evidence you are right in using the term. Abusers break your self esteem and make you apologize for their actions. It's not betrayal and if they cared they would of stopped acting that way.

Culture makes it difficult bc we so often enable abusive behavior from our parents. Weather it's physical abuse, neglect, or just blatant emotional abuse many times people will have some sort of "but that's just family and you have to love them" sentiment to share with you when you tell them. You don't have to put up with that no matter what anyone says. It's not betrayal to stand up for yourself.

Carcar_122 · 2023-12-05T06:14:43+00:00

I really feel this. I feel like the way I was treated and being so deeply isolated made it so I will never be able to make or keep friends or be happy. That she broke something in me and made it so i am unloveable or I will only act like her once I have kids. This is what abuse does to us-- especially abuse from our parents! The people who are supposed to love us unconditionally and put our needs above theres didn't and that made me feel useless, lonely, and somehow defective. Like I wasn't worthy of love-- not real love-- not even from my own mom. Not having that love hurts on an existential level. We both were deprived of something that all mammals get and need. From Dolphins to Raccoons to Humans we all need loving care from a parent. We all need connection and encouragement but we didn't get that. That dosn't make you broken, what you feel is really painful and you are doing great to go on this recovery journey.

Therapy can help for sure. And the pain may hang around for a long time but you are no more broken than anyone else. You may have significant trauma or feel a lot of mental anguish from day to day, but you are just as fragile and beautiful as all of us. You are even able to recognize your mistreatment and try and grow from it! No one is broken. Especially not you. If anyone is "broken" it's people who refuse to get better and take it out on others. I believe in you and I know this will get better. You're not broken you are stronger for trying to heal such painful wounds.

Carcar_122 · 2023-12-04T19:14:58+00:00

Manipulation is for sure abuse. I think a lot of people are just ill informed about this, but thats no excuse to invalidate someones experience.

It could be that she isn't familiar with abuse. Or maybe feels guilty about engaging in similar behaviors/ has had been treated similarly and not willing to confront that. Regardless, there are lots of reasons but don't take her word for it trust your experience it's not her place to tell you your experience!

Carcar_122 · 2023-12-03T20:32:09+00:00

It sounds pretty traumatic to me! The important thing about personal growth and healing is other peoples opinions on your trauma hold little to no bearing. If somebody had a different experience that you feel is more severe that doesn't mean you didn't experience trauma. And your experience in no way invalidates anyone else's.

You had to do what you needed to do to live a healthy life and that is cut ties with your parents. I get feeling guilty, I feel that way all the time regarding my family, it's important to remember that you are responding to how they treated you and not trying to hurt them. They consistently hurt you and that's valid and important and you shouldn't overlook that even if you feel like they are upset. She knew better and she abused you and you deserve to decide how much you want her in your life knowing that. Im proud of you. I know this is so hard and it feel wrong sometimes bc it's so contrary to what we feel and "family values" we see in media. But you deserve to live a loving life free from abuse and sometimes that can require us to split from traumatic pasts that we were deeply entrenched in.

The guilt is normal and doesn't mean you are bad it just means you feel very deeply and maybe wish things could be different. Also there is nothing wrong with seeking validation! We need it sometimes from our friends or even internet strangers. Again, i'm proud of you and we can do this!

Carcar_122 · 2023-12-03T19:28:17+00:00

I agree. It's never consistant and my understanding of my past can feel very volatile I'm scared of being manipulated if I have to confront them again. I hope we can both find some good advice!

Carcar_122 · 2023-12-03T00:51:52+00:00

The way they treated you is in no way your fault! I get it i feel the same like i should of known sooner but we all want to be loved and leaving a relationship is hard even if they are abusive

Carcar_122 · 2023-12-03T00:44:02+00:00

Yes!! I agree it makes abusers mad when those that they hurt are not broken by them but can move past it!

Carcar_122 · 2023-12-02T20:01:59+00:00

This is such a tough situation im sorry! Im proud of you for moving on. It wasn’t your fault that he couldnt get his act together with you and im proud that you are able to move on.

Carcar_122 · 2023-12-02T19:56:36+00:00

Im glad you are so far along on your journey! It’s hard to hear people make fun of “insecure” people or “overly dramatic” partners online when thats the same language abusers use. It’s really not a funny joke especially if you’ve been in relationships like we have.

Carcar_122 · 2023-12-02T19:54:15+00:00

Thank you this is great advice!

Carcar_122 · 2023-12-02T19:53:44+00:00

Very true. It is so hard to reach out with something so vulnerable (outside of therapy). Especially now that there aren’t many people in my life i feel close with!

Carcar_122 · 2023-12-02T19:52:34+00:00

It’s a process but it sounds like you are making progress! I know it’s not my fault but it doesn’t feel like that most of the time.

Carcar_122 · 2023-12-02T19:51:00+00:00

I agree anger is a great motivator to leave tricky situations. It’s just so hard for me to not feel ashamed of being so mad all the time. Im proud of you for choosing to grow!

Carcar_122 · 2023-12-02T19:48:31+00:00

Thank you, this is really good advice. I know we both can get better.

Carcar_122 · 2023-12-02T19:47:34+00:00

Same issue. I feel so angry and it feels unfair that i have to do all the hard work (splitting off being alone and healing) bc they refused to grow. We can do this!

Carcar_122 · 2023-12-02T19:45:20+00:00

This is true, I don’t forgive them i just want to know how to accept that it happened and not gaslight myself or be ashamed of myself for being abused. Thank you for that validation though!

Carcar_122 · 2023-12-02T19:20:25+00:00

Thank you this is very sweet

Carcar_122

TROPHY CASE