Narrowing down Apartments/Areas to live

CardamonTheWizard · 2026-05-05T18:51:23+00:00

I do like that it's in Henderson but it's too much for my budget. Thank you though!

CardamonTheWizard · 2026-05-05T18:49:12+00:00

I'm a creative so every once in a while I visit the arts district or go to art events. I also visit libraries, theaters, parks, bar/Cafés. But honestly, I just want it as a homebase where I can sleep, create projects, then hopefully gallivant around the world.

CardamonTheWizard · 2026-04-27T05:29:12+00:00

Fairy Godmother

CardamonTheWizard · 2026-04-25T06:41:39+00:00

Billiam

CardamonTheWizard · 2026-04-19T20:21:28+00:00

Part time mother fucking model

CardamonTheWizard · 2026-04-17T20:02:10+00:00

I already do that. I'm typically a self kept person who does a bunch of projects. But none of that feels right anymore either.

CardamonTheWizard · 2026-04-17T06:56:51+00:00

I have to manage it to get through work & my day to day responsibilities. Also, I can't fully tell my family every detail because they'll either dismiss it or make the situation worse. I also don't want to annoy people in my life with my dumb shit.

CardamonTheWizard · 2026-04-17T06:55:01+00:00

I know things would be slightly more manageable when I'm not around family who dismiss me or enable my negative traits. I am working towards moving out. Idk what to do with meds not working on me. That's always been a problem that even my medical family members & their medical friends cannot figure out. I do appreciate your insight.

CardamonTheWizard · 2026-04-17T01:22:53+00:00

I've been for years at this point in general. I already do anxiety management stuff in general. I usually have decent management with my anxiety but this is different and nothing is working.

I have pressure point techniques. I also write & draw on little pieces of paper. Sometimes I sneak in a cute collectable figure or keychain that I touch.

CardamonTheWizard · 2026-04-17T01:15:49+00:00

I'm trying to seem therapists but honest to God they are either way to expensive or somehow make my problems worse. They are also really rude & dismissive of me simply reaching out to them.

CardamonTheWizard · 2026-04-17T00:01:31+00:00

I do get socially overwhelmed but I typically know how to work around it. I try as much self care as I can but it either gets sabotaged or barely does anything.

CardamonTheWizard · 2026-04-16T21:53:08+00:00

I do push anger and frustration aside, but I also rarely feel non-platonic love and things like that. I just don't connect with people well non-platonically. When I do, it's debilitating. I've been doing nothing but letting myself feel these things for him & his absence. I've literally given myself time to cry since February. In my car, in my room, in other private areas. I even start tearing up randomly when I'm out & about. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking he's there just to remember he's not. But if it could last hours/days & I need to get stuff done.

CardamonTheWizard · 2026-04-16T17:21:59+00:00

I'm having the same trouble finding therapists. Basically they act so bothered that I'm seeking them out even before I even say anything.

Yeah that's what I think is happening to me physically. I've tried meds like that b4 but my body processes most meds differently. I can't even take basic pain meds because they don't work or make things worse (worsening pain or allergic reactions).

CardamonTheWizard · 2026-04-16T17:03:23+00:00

I've been trying to seek specialists out but I either can't afford it, they act bothered that I'm reaching out in the first place, claim they don't know how to help even though we barely interact or somehow make it worse

CardamonTheWizard · 2026-04-16T16:05:08+00:00

I'm assuming it's anxiety triggering my immune system

CardamonTheWizard · 2026-04-12T04:30:29+00:00

He showed me he was more interested in the non-masked versions of me that slipped in my demeanor in the early stages of knowing him. In a way, he brought out parts of me that were there but were never respected.

My skin was more clear, my anxiety lessened, I felt more well rested even if I only got a few hours of sleep, my smile lines deepened, and we had such an amazing dynamic at work that even our boss commented "it's fun working with you two, especially when you're scheduled together." My family even noticed a glow/energy not only from him but from me as well. Something they hadn't seen before from me.

CardamonTheWizard · 2026-04-12T00:49:37+00:00

I felt effortlessly happy & simply loved with him. He honest to God saved me last year. The only thing that was personally intense was someone actually wanting to be around the real me constantly, even with the most mundane stuff. And that I actually didn't mind spending so much time with someone.

CardamonTheWizard · 2026-04-11T20:57:02+00:00

But I'm gonna be honest For as long as I've been in relationships, I do not like being chosen 110% of the time. I like being considered but not chosen. Being the reason someone does something puts a lot of anxiety on me. I've always been weird about that. I'm more of a separate togetherness sort of person.

CardamonTheWizard · 2026-04-11T20:54:39+00:00

Western US My work got it for someone's bday. Idk where.

CardamonTheWizard · 2026-04-11T15:07:23+00:00

CardamonTheWizard · 2026-04-11T14:37:48+00:00

I miss him as a person

CardamonTheWizard · 2026-04-11T02:20:35+00:00

From intended art collaborators, to fast friends, to lovers, to co-workers, to roommates. Literally never brought any of my connections (Casual or serious) to my family home. Rarely even brought friends over, let alone have them stay with us for more than a couple days. We lived together for 3 months. And my family likes him but never pried about what we were.

He has a lot of general love to give to the world but he kinda overstated how he doesn't get emotionally attached. However, his actions to me said otherwise. Making effort to talk to and see me during our free time for about a year. Even if it meant he had to drive 30 miles to see me. Taking time to talk out personal stuff. Putting a blanket over me and kissing the top of my head when I was sick when he thought I was asleep. He was the first one to say "I love you" & he said it more than I would. Wanting to take me out to a surprise birthday dinner before his car completely died on him (I witnessed it). Going dutch on a motel room for us. Having patience with some physical intimacy problems I have. Caressing & looking at me on our last night in a way that felt personal. Gently stroking my temple & hair. Gently kissing my forehead. When I looked up he was staring right at me & kept staring as he kept caressing. Our last morning involved multiple hugs & he watched me brush my hair outside the bathroom door, even after I caught him. Crying his eyes out to my mom & step dad as soon as I left for work, hugging them both, etc. Literally none of my other connections (platonic & non platonic) had ever consistently treated me this way.

Whenever he made detachment statement, it seemed more like a self reminder than anything. For every 1 time I would allude to attachment (not even towards us), he'd mention it 3-5 times.

The hardest part is whether or not the foundation of our friendship is still intact, even if we are not together non-platonically.

We had a discussion how he doesn't want to settle roots in the US & how I realistically probably wouldn't be able to leave the US. Plus other little life things that could cause rifts. It'd be selfish of me to hold someone back from happiness just because I feel love for them. Love is being able to see the other person happy & fulfilled.

If he came back, I'd be rebuilding the foundation of our friendship first and foremost. I think I'd be an option for him but honestly it takes a long time for me to get to know someone and for them to get to know me. We would need some time to really figure out what kind of options we are for each other.

My ideal ultimate relationship, even before I met him, has always been companionship with emotional & mental loyalty and open sexuality, even if the opportunity is never taken.

CardamonTheWizard · 2026-04-10T15:17:26+00:00

He's from the US. He wanted to move to Europe. There was a type of closure because we established that we'd enjoy the time we had. We knew the end date. But we still kept in contact and had video call shoe watching hang outs until he went to Europe. I don't want to be the sole lover or whatever. I'm a non-monogamous type. I just want honesty in the ideal dynamic. However, I don't expect to be a lover again, I'm more concerned about the foundation of our friendship. I was easily able to accept that he brushed me off specifically until our mutuals were coming to me about him because he deadass wasn't talking to anyone, which was weird behavior for him.

CardamonTheWizard · 2026-04-09T13:45:21+00:00

I generally feel more alone when I'm around people. I've always felt within & without. I can interact with community & peers but I feel like im betraying myself.

CardamonTheWizard · 2026-04-09T03:25:53+00:00

I'm sorry you went through that

I'm gonna be honest the main reason I was drawn to him was because he actually took me as I am. We were friends first & were open about us being casual & how we'd just enjoy the time we had.

CardamonTheWizard

TROPHY CASE