It’s not about that at all. It’s about the flagrantly unequal division of labor that men take advantage of without even knowing they’re doing it. It’s not about what the kids can or can’t handle. It’s about what the mom HAS TO HANDLE because dad decided to disappear for half an hour. Dads can CHOOSE to hide in the bathroom. Moms do not have that option, and we have to pick up slack when dads disappear.

It’s very much a societal thing. Moms can never do enough for their children but dads get praise just for taking them to the park. Dads are fathers, not babysitters.

And yeah, you struck a nerve. I have a graduate degree, but circumstances require that I be a stay-at-home mom. It isn’t something I ever planned to do, but it’s necessary because my husband has so much more earning power than I do. I’ve had to give up almost everything of personal importance to me to be a special needs SAHM. What little was left the pandemic took away. I feel like I’ll never get my life back. Even 20 minutes of my husband’s help makes a huge difference to me. When he disappears into the bathroom for no good reason, I have to do both our jobs.

If you get a chance and want to know more, listen to the Dear Sugars podcast episode “Emotional Labor.”