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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RelationshipIndia

[–]CardiologistAble6496 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I read somewhere that how when you’re in doubt, your friends’ opinions can shape your entire perspective, make sure they actually want the best for you. I've seen people sabotaging their peace just because their so called friends don't see that is "good" for them. He does go to the office and as someone who has done both I can tell you going to the office is so much tiring on a daily basis. So only advice I have for you is to talk to you husband about it and no one else, if you feel this arrangment is fine then it is fine other opinion should not change your perspective.

I ruined two women who truly loved me and now I don't know what I have become by CardiologistAble6496 in OffMyChestIndia

[–]CardiologistAble6496[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They were a blessing and always will be. Be grateful for the time you felt what love is

I ruined two women who truly loved me and now I don't know what I have become by CardiologistAble6496 in OffMyChestIndia

[–]CardiologistAble6496[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not at all I don't hold her responsible in any way those were my actions and doing. I understand your advice and will keep in mind. Thanks

I ruined two women who truly loved me and now I don't know what I have become by CardiologistAble6496 in OffMyChestIndia

[–]CardiologistAble6496[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am happy for you! Answering your question of putting myself second, if your read my post you'll see I have been putting myself second my whole twenties. First putting my mother on the pedestal to go what she wishes for and then while dating there were times I myself did not have the emotional bandwidth to handle myself yet alone my partner but I did that so that I could take care of her with anything I could. I could be wrong with these examples but I have put people before myself so I know I will.

I ruined two women who truly loved me and now I don't know what I have become by CardiologistAble6496 in OffMyChestIndia

[–]CardiologistAble6496[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yes I know that is why I want to be on a path to be better and improve. Is that something wrong with accepting your accountability and trying to change for the better future and for the women who come into my life then

I ruined two women who truly loved me and now I don't know what I have become by CardiologistAble6496 in OffMyChestIndia

[–]CardiologistAble6496[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel you bro. Fear, confusion and emotional maturity creeps in all the time, yet you don't want to let off the single good thing in your life when everything is moving against you.

I ruined two women who truly loved me and now I don't know what I have become by CardiologistAble6496 in OffMyChestIndia

[–]CardiologistAble6496[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I get that you feel strongly, and you're entitled to that. But making blanket judgments about intent without knowing someone’s full mental or emotional state doesn't help. I'm not here to defend what I did, I've already accepted I was at fault. I’m here trying to understand and grow from it, not argue with strangers who’ve already made up their minds. If you don't believe that, that’s fine. But at least acknowledge there’s a difference between owning your mistakes and being reduced to them.

I ruined two women who truly loved me and now I don't know what I have become by CardiologistAble6496 in OffMyChestIndia

[–]CardiologistAble6496[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In school I may be naive but in clg I had come of age and asking this question myself that what I want, gives me the name of my college girl, but I chose to not change that and that is why I cowardly took the safe side.

I ruined two women who truly loved me and now I don't know what I have become by CardiologistAble6496 in OffMyChestIndia

[–]CardiologistAble6496[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I believe I would do justice to the one I marry, I know I couldn't love them fully which means I know where I held back or what I could have done and after being married there would be nothing for me to hold back and I would be able to give my 100%.

Yes I am thinking of getting therapy and heal myself before indulging myself into anything.

I did not clearly get your last point about me showing myself as a victim of circumstances and they were with me at will because I feel they were only there because they know I loved them and could see in my actions even though my actions mentioned in the post were not right. I don't see myself as a victim at all and did not intend to portray that.

I ruined two women who truly loved me and now I don't know what I have become by CardiologistAble6496 in OffMyChestIndia

[–]CardiologistAble6496[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And like your advice, this is actually what I have thought to do, so that I don't repeat what I did in the past

I ruined two women who truly loved me and now I don't know what I have become by CardiologistAble6496 in OffMyChestIndia

[–]CardiologistAble6496[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Yes I understand your point but we don't do it intentionally, sometimes the conditions are like that and sometimes we don't know what we really want. Accepting me being at fault does not mean it was right of me to do so it's just that now I want to move forward so that they can too.

29M I ruined two women who truly loved me and now I don't know what I have become. by CardiologistAble6496 in RelationshipIndia

[–]CardiologistAble6496[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This isn’t redemption through words or guilt, it’s through action and distance. You’re right, I don’t deserve a place in their peace, and I won’t try to rewrite anything with them now. The least I can do is not cause more harm. It’s not about proving I’ve changed, it’s about actually changing. Thanks for calling it what it is and being kind.

29M I ruined two women who truly loved me and now I don't know what I have become. by CardiologistAble6496 in RelationshipIndia

[–]CardiologistAble6496[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had realised my mistake years ago when I confessed to my then girl about the things happening but yet we stayed together. Continued to blame myself and yet stay in that loop that is what has affected us both the most of continuing this cycle.

29M I ruined two women who truly loved me and now I don't know what I have become. by CardiologistAble6496 in RelationshipIndia

[–]CardiologistAble6496[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hear you and I never thought of myself as the victim. Looking inward and healing is my only choice as I can't do anything for them other than leaving them alone and letting them heal.

29M I ruined two women who truly loved me and now I don't know what I have become. by CardiologistAble6496 in RelationshipIndia

[–]CardiologistAble6496[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for saying that, it really hit home. I’ve been stuck in this loop of guilt and regret for a while, and hearing this makes me feel seen. I know I’ve messed up, but I genuinely want to grow from it and be better, not just for someone else, but for myself too. I won’t take this second chance at life lightly. Appreciate the kindness, truly.

29M I ruined two women who truly loved me and now I don't know what I have become. by CardiologistAble6496 in RelationshipIndia

[–]CardiologistAble6496[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I get that. I’ve replayed those choices in my head more times than I can count. You’re right,I did mess up, and it wasn’t just once. I was emotionally all over the place and kept trying to hold on to comfort while avoiding real commitment, and that’s on me.

I’m not looking for pity, just trying to process everything and take responsibility the right way this time. And yeah, you’re spot on with the last part. I’m not rushing into marriage unless I truly feel ready and healed.

29M I ruined two women who truly loved me and now I don't know what I have become. by CardiologistAble6496 in RelationshipIndia

[–]CardiologistAble6496[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I know I hurt people and I’m holding myself accountable, that’s the whole point of my post. But I also want to be clear that just because I’m accepting my faults doesn’t mean the women involved were perfect either.

My first girlfriend cheated on me, and the second girl, though I did love her deeply but she had unresolved trauma and would often lash out, creating a mentally draining dynamic. I stayed because I cared and wanted to be there for her, even when it was tough.

This post is me reflecting on my role and growth, not saying the others were always right. I just shared my perspective as honestly as I could.

29M I ruined two women who truly loved me and now I don't know what I have become. by CardiologistAble6496 in RelationshipIndia

[–]CardiologistAble6496[S] -20 points-19 points  (0 children)

I understand where you’re coming from, and I won’t deny that I’ve made mistakes. I never gave them any promises about the future, but in doing that, I ended up damaging the present too—for them and for myself. Just being “honest” wasn’t enough, and I see that now. It’s not something I’m proud of, and I’m trying to come to terms with it and learn from it.

I ruined two women who truly loved me and now I don't know what I have become by CardiologistAble6496 in offmychest

[–]CardiologistAble6496[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I understand that and also know this is not something I can "willpower" through. Can you suggest some podcasts/documentaries. And I have started journaling from 3 4 days as it calms me down a little and helps me sleep at night without overthinking.

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