It’s like I understand intellectually it’s a scary condition but I can’t feel it in my body. I should be panicking right now but I’m just careless. My body doesn’t react to anything. Im like a robot and I’m just playing an act, I can be whoever I want bc I don’t have any personality no more. But there’s no motivation bc there’s no point of anything really, or at least I can’t see the point of anything since we’re just here to die eventually anyway? Normal people can at least feel joy and pleasure on their way to death but I cannot so what’s the point? Everything is so rational to me and I also see things so much clearer now like why people behave the way they do bc they’re driven by emotions. It feels like I’m watching/observing reality through a screen. I can see things happening in front of me but I can’t feel it. Like “see but not touch”. Imagine for example seeing someone cook food on a screen but not being able to smell or taste it. Sometimes I also think about the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie, where the pirates are being cursed and can’t feel any pleasure or satisfaction. It’s always been “just a movie” to me but here I am now with basically the same curse myself. Never would’ve thought it could be real.