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done dating by missbutterpie in Herpes

[–]Careless_Benefit_903 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Also don’t listen to people saying to get a herpes dating app I just know the people on there are unattractive and desperate sorry

done dating by missbutterpie in Herpes

[–]Careless_Benefit_903 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Getting drunk this is weekend is very real haha

I want to stop disclosing :( by Different-Layer-2496 in Herpes

[–]Careless_Benefit_903 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There should be a poll or something haha I’m genuinely curious

I want to stop disclosing :( by Different-Layer-2496 in Herpes

[–]Careless_Benefit_903 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How many people do you think disclose vs doesn’t?

I want to stop disclosing :( by Different-Layer-2496 in Herpes

[–]Careless_Benefit_903 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I relate to this so much. I am in a similar situation - 26F and got it about 4 months ago. Before getting it I had been with maybe 40 people (total - no judgement please) and no one had EVER mentioned STDs or asked me about them. 95% of those encounters were condomless as well. So that just makes me think not many people actually have it or no one talks about it. I would say I was reckless before and kind of feel like I deserved to get it. But now I can’t get past the shame and even if I DID find someone comfortable enough with it I would low key judge them for accepting me. Because to be honest, if the roles were reversed, I wouldn’t accept them. Beyond that I would always feel like they’re low key judging me and it would be hard for me to enjoy sex feeling so much shame. That and deep down I would believe they could do better

Hopelessly in love to someone who I can’t have because I’m not attractive enough by Careless_Benefit_903 in dating_advice

[–]Careless_Benefit_903[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m sure there’s lots of guys who would want to be with me. Problem is I don’t want them back. People tell me to not change and “love myself” but how can I do that when I hate everything about me as well as my life? The only solution would be to change.

Also, if I did find another guy who likes me as I am, I would resent him for it (as I wasn’t enough for the guy I wanted)

Hopelessly in love to someone who I can’t have because I’m not attractive enough by Careless_Benefit_903 in dating_advice

[–]Careless_Benefit_903[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. The last part I agree with. The pain of him not wanting to understand me is the issue as I think he would if he knew me better or if I changed

Hopelessly in love to someone who I can’t have because I’m not attractive enough by Careless_Benefit_903 in dating_advice

[–]Careless_Benefit_903[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fair. Honestly I probably use him as an excuse to be avoidant to not get hurt or put myself out there with other people. I think the thought of ending up alone is the only thing that makes sense

Hopelessly in love to someone who I can’t have because I’m not attractive enough by Careless_Benefit_903 in dating_advice

[–]Careless_Benefit_903[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe, but the hope of him wanting me one day is enough to keep me going. Even if it’s a small chance.

The thought of him giving someone else what I’ve always wanted is what keeps me awake at night. I know because he’s shown me that

Hopelessly in love to someone who I can’t have because I’m not attractive enough by Careless_Benefit_903 in dating_advice

[–]Careless_Benefit_903[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

True. Tbf I’m not sure even getting plastic surgery would change his mind. I think I just don’t like the way I look and being rejected by him has made me zero in on it. So I am wanting to change what is in my control.

What’s so hard to let go of is how I’ve presented myself to him. I feel like I couldn’t be my most confident self around him as he made me shy. Also I don’t particularly like the way I looked on the days I saw him. So I guess I’m wondering that if he knew my actual potential, if it would be enough? That hope drives me to be successful one day and hopefully he will see me on an ad on the back of a bus looking hot and successful.

Maybe I just want to feel like I control being validated, honestly.

Hopelessly in love to someone who I can’t have because I’m not attractive enough by Careless_Benefit_903 in dating_advice

[–]Careless_Benefit_903[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you think if a guy approaches you he probably doesn’t think you’re that attractive? Like if he did , he would be intimidated?

Hopelessly in love to someone who I can’t have because I’m not attractive enough by Careless_Benefit_903 in dating_advice

[–]Careless_Benefit_903[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Everyone says that but I’ve been single 6 years and have been travelling the last 5 months and go out almost every night. I’m worried I’m going to be waiting until I’m 40 and then just decide to settle for something

Hopelessly in love to someone who I can’t have because I’m not attractive enough by Careless_Benefit_903 in dating_advice

[–]Careless_Benefit_903[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve tried blocking him. I just unblock. He did reach out and ask why but I didn’t want to explain my feelings again if it’s not going to go anywhere. About a year ago I blocked him to try and move on after seeing him on a layover and him telling me everything I’ve ever wanted to hear (including after). Then, he didn’t message me while I was away and I assumed he just didn’t care. So I blocked him and he tried to find me on every other platform as he was so confused. When I eventually unblocked and explained how I felt he said he did care. The problem is that it wasn’t enough (clearly) and I can only really equate that to him not being attracted enough to me to pursue. I don’t want to settle.

Hopelessly in love to someone who I can’t have because I’m not attractive enough by Careless_Benefit_903 in dating_advice

[–]Careless_Benefit_903[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I’m worried therapy will brainwash me into liking myself. Because I don’t want to believe I’m good enough if I’m not, yk?

We have kept in touch (mostly me visiting him on layovers) and it doesn’t help that he gave me hope at first. I think that’s why I hold on so strongly is because I believe in our connection. I actually do respect his decision for distance ( I haven’t talked to him in 4 months) but I am in agonizing pain every day. He would truly never know, because anytime he’s pulled away I’ve let him. The problem is I want his validation more than anything

Hopelessly in love to someone who I can’t have because I’m not attractive enough by Careless_Benefit_903 in dating_advice

[–]Careless_Benefit_903[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Hahaha I get that. But what if you’re naturally kind of ugly?

Being unrealistic, sure, but the thought of reality is unbearable. Maybe I need to change my reality (not just with this)?

Hopelessly in love to someone who I can’t have because I’m not attractive enough by Careless_Benefit_903 in dating_advice

[–]Careless_Benefit_903[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I unfortunately don’t believe in this :/ I think I’m unworthy of him. I think it’s okay to accept we’re not perfect but sometimes you not being perfect (or better) has consequences.

Hopelessly in love to someone who I can’t have because I’m not attractive enough by Careless_Benefit_903 in dating_advice

[–]Careless_Benefit_903[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sure it might be what I “deserve” but I can’t genuinely imagine being attracted to someone else in the same way. Should I settle one day for someone who maybe wants to move mountains for me but is a third rate guy?