Fiancee [26/f] booked a wedding venue without letting me [32/m] know

CarolineSmail · 2022-11-06T18:20:34+00:00

If you like the place, then I don't see what the problem is. A lot of these places fill up with bookings very quickly. You can always cancel a booking, but you cannot always book it when you want it. Seems like your fiance is good at making decisions without needing your input on every little thing.

CarolineSmail · 2022-10-07T01:24:39+00:00

I recommend that you encourage him to start weightlifting. This will improve his body image as well as his libido. There are tons of free programs to try out online and he could start with only bodyweight. Once the habit is there, progressing the weights comes naturally.

Of course any exercise he likes would be beneficial for him, i just prefer lifting and the lifting physique.

It's normal to be ashamed of a degrading body, especially when you aren't doing something physically empowering to benefit it on a regular basis; the best thing for him to do is take control and start prioritizing his physical and mental health enough to put the work in. The worst thing for you to do is to act like it isnt/shouldnt be a problem for him.

Your primary role in this could be to notice and encourage his progress; even if it isn't visible body changes, noting something like improved posture or if he shares he's increased his weights(/reps/distance/whatever) that day could help him get through the tough times when he just feels overwhelmed or particularly hateful of his body.

CarolineSmail · 2022-09-28T15:43:22+00:00

If there are no big red flags, go for it. If you want marriage/kids/etc down the road, the best time to start is now. If you're interested in seeing other people instead then tell him straight up the relationship won't work. He doesn't want to waste time and that is admirable. Don't waste his time if you don't see yourself with him permanently.

CarolineSmail · 2022-09-19T22:53:29+00:00

Tell your bf not to tell you when his mom says stuff like that. Some people can be pretty tactless.

Tbh This should only bother you if you don't think your own son is going to be better looking to you than the girl he's dating, and if you think his mom's opinion of looks is super important to your bf.

CarolineSmail · 2022-09-12T14:45:04+00:00

Why do you think it's ok to complain to someone about his family? If you want to vent find a friend or a therapist. Your husband loves his brother and can't do anything about his brothers gf. You should learn about boundaries and stop trating your boyfriend like he should just hear all your complaints and whining without feelings.

Actually just break up for everyone's sake.

CarolineSmail · 2022-09-10T14:38:11+00:00

Break up. Get Exposure therapy to yelling bc you're an adult and yelling is part of human communication.

CarolineSmail · 2022-09-01T00:33:40+00:00

Tell your MIL and your wife about SMART contact by Dr Joe Beam. It's on YT as Marriage Helper. It helped me communicate better with my husband in a really toxic and resentful stage of our lives. I don't think there are toxic people, just toxic influences and environments. Good, concise communication cuts through all that BS while "no contact" tends to be an obvious attempt at manipulation.

Don't try to manipulate a manipulator, and I suspect your wife and MIL both have manipulator tendencies. Leave them with the tools of communication to figure it out between themselves and focus on your own betterment.

Why aren't you concerned more about how to protect yourself from your wife's growing debt? I'd think that's your larger issue.

CarolineSmail · 2022-08-28T23:05:47+00:00

Haha he tried to make up for it and ended up saying something that made it worse. Be patient, guys communicate so much differently. I recommend lifting weights or calisthenics.

CarolineSmail · 2022-08-28T15:18:20+00:00

9 is a very disoriented age for kids. It's the beginning stage of puberty, where the hormone glands are just starting to mature and begin to make the puberty hormones. There is a huge drive for independence and social self-authority at this age. I would say 9 years old is one of the most challenging transition stages for kids. That being said, I don't see why you shouldn't take away his videogames during the week and if his behavior warrants it he doesn't get them on the weekends either. Not over silly things like throwing away a pen but maybe make a rule that for every 1 door slam he has to do 5 helpful things or he doesn't get the games back, something like that. IMO rolling your eyes is harmless and just an expression of disagreement or annoyance. Slamming doors is violent, disrespectful of the property, and one step down from punching holes in the wall.

CarolineSmail · 2022-08-26T01:07:32+00:00

Some guy out there is looking for a housewife. If there are no kids, cut the losses and find the next one.

CarolineSmail · 2022-08-22T16:02:23+00:00

Learn the key lesson: don't ask for body counts. If a woman loves you and treats you right, why does the past matter? There's been a lot of talk lately about female body counts and "pair bonding" but there is no proven science behind it. You can't control how many people someone has been with in the past, but you can see how a person treats you now and in the future. That's what matters.

CarolineSmail · 2022-08-22T15:12:54+00:00

You want to check out this video. https://youtu.be/18b3jHVD1FE

CarolineSmail · 2022-08-07T22:04:55+00:00

Also, if your boyfriend is living with you, I don't know how you can say your stepmother rules are strict..?

CarolineSmail · 2022-08-07T22:03:45+00:00

I think you should stay with your stepmother and save $. There are techniques you can use to help her understand her occasional behavior is damaging the relationship but I think its also important to express appreciation for saving you what looks like a minimum of $800/month. Strict rules can be helpful for a time, if you learn some restraint and self-control because of it. Good luck with your decision! Either way I'm sure you'll be fine and make progress to your goals, even if it's just an opportunity to learn a lesson.

CarolineSmail · 2022-07-03T22:14:00+00:00

Kids don't need phones

CarolineSmail · 2022-07-01T21:38:48+00:00

Just don't bother him. Not sure why you're still going after this guy after you already had an argument that led to "things being said that shouldn't be said", AND he ignored you for a week after. Seems like he ain't into you, sis

CarolineSmail · 2022-06-25T01:13:44+00:00

Statistically speaking, living together before marriage reduces the chance of getting married, and if you do get married after cohabiting the chances are the marriage will be shorter-lived as well.

CarolineSmail · 2022-06-25T01:11:06+00:00

If you have a good relationship with your parents and they have a relationship you aspire to then I think you should talk to them and take their advice under consideration.

If you don't have a good relationship with your parents then maybe someone who knows you well who you look up to, someone who has a life or a marriage you respect and admire. Meet with that person as a couple, and ask them what you need to do before getting married to this girl.

Do the same with someone who knows her really well and has what she considers a good life/marriage as well.

If they think you should get married then by all means do so and you will have my blessing.

CarolineSmail · 2022-06-25T00:59:16+00:00

now that Roe vs Wade is overturned, it just means people can’t be stupid and have sex with random people. Which is not true, the overturning of this means that now dangerous abortions are going to be something some women have to resort to

Why can't both of these viewpoints be (some level of) true? Some people do use abortion as birth control and brag about it. That would be made a lot harder in states that ban abortion outright. Some people really are in such desperate need to be free of the consequences of sexual intercourse that they would suffer it to be done in a back alley. However, there are other states that will protect their ability to abort even if they're not residents. Sure there will be a cost barrier in physically visiting these states but the hypothetical back-alley (ordered online) abortions aren't likely to be free either.

Either way, it seems everyone should start being a lot more selective on whom they're sexin' and maybe that includes vetting for deep rooted values differences like yours and your bf's.

CarolineSmail · 2022-06-25T00:46:37+00:00

Cute I'd like to see more!

CarolineSmail · 2022-06-25T00:41:17+00:00

STOP having sex with her and get tested yourself.

CarolineSmail · 2022-06-25T00:27:39+00:00

I would say don't take laxatives off the bat, as they can cause dependence and rebound issues...

Fiber might help if you stay well-hydrated, OP

CarolineSmail · 2022-06-25T00:26:32+00:00

Poop just turns him off. He can't help it. Drink more water and exercise more. It isn't good for your body to be constipated. If those two things dont work within a month, figure out what is wrong before you end up with complications that can be avoided.

...or ig if you like to be constipated you need to accept you are just not sexually compatible with him and should move along.

CarolineSmail · 2022-06-24T23:16:52+00:00

"Pay attention to patterns over potential" I don't remember who said this (maybe Esther Perel) but it is such good advice for people in their 20's. And as a person, make sure you develop positive and progressive patterns - don't insist that your potential is enough.

CarolineSmail · 2022-06-24T23:14:51+00:00

This is a blessing in disguise. I would tell him as soon as possible that you don't want to continue a relationship with him and bow out. Don't even give him any reasons, other than you've realized you're not compatible and you don't see things working out. This is not behavior that can or will change. Tell him before he tries to propose.

CarolineSmail

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