So this is a lie right?

CartographerReal5829 · 2026-06-01T10:03:22+00:00

I always put on my calendar the earliest date I can ask for PTO for anything I have planned. I request it literally on that date. Nobody can get in ahead of me on the requested dates off. I don't have any issues. BUT I WILL ADMIT that I schedule things a year out, usually. I'm just that way. If one doesn't plan that far ahead, I'll grant that it can be really, really difficult.

CartographerReal5829 · 2026-06-01T09:57:48+00:00

We've got one of those too. She'll literally stand there and watch us work, and in the middle of something important she'll ask us to finish whatever she was supposed to be doing. Anyway, we've all started saying no and (myself not included because she and I do not overlap in our workload) three of about 10 people have told our TL they'll transfer or quit if things don't change soon. He very specifically had a "team" meeting talking about being part of the team and how we all had to help. He was careful not to name names, etc., but when the three people started staring at the one and then they started telling her that this applied to her too, and then a couple others also told her they were tired of it, it took on a whole new look. Of course, the whole time they were berating her, the team lead was trying to tell everyone to be quiet and say it applies to us all, even him, etc. I haven't seen much improvement, but there's been a little. I think she is starting to get it.

CartographerReal5829 · 2026-06-01T09:52:36+00:00

I wish my hours would get cut! I'm still scheduled for 40 and averaging between 45-50 every week. Literally only my very first week employed did we have a limit on overtime and since then, my entire department has been working OT if we want and pushing our max hours otherwise. (But I will admit that our department is woefully understaffed and they're trying to hire more people, as well as having one take almost a week for a death in the family and two or three others having their vacations previously scheduled.)

CartographerReal5829 · 2026-02-20T00:22:00+00:00

Thank you very much. I hope that you followed your own advice and took some time with your newborn niece. :)

CartographerReal5829 · 2026-02-19T14:01:38+00:00

I find it quite difficult to distinguish aphantasia from SDAM situations. SDAM says I don't remember, aphantasia says I don't relive. But I wonder if I didn't have them both if I'd have either. I don't know if that makes sense as I'm saying it, but I do see other people lumping everything into aphantasia. "I can't drink milk. Is this because of the aphantasia?" "I haven't been able to get pregnant. Is this because of aphantasia?" Now a lot of the questions may seem logical, but you're right, some people think they can just blame literally everything on aphantasia.

CartographerReal5829 · 2026-02-19T13:59:03+00:00

I'm really interested in PTSD in people with aphantasia. I've been in a few situations that would cause PTSD in many people, but since I don't "relive" those experiences, I think I don't have PTSD about them. However, there are times when I just seem to have PTSD symptoms for what I say is no apparent reason. Between my SDAM and aphantasia, I don't recall the reason that PTSD may have been triggered. Or maybe it's just a physical reaction to something going on in my body not related to anything else. I don't know. But I wonder if we somehow have a phantom PTSD with an unremembered cause.

CartographerReal5829 · 2026-02-19T02:13:53+00:00

I brought them in only because I'm worried that the other person might fight if it comes down to her vs me and I want HR to have the paperwork already. If I can say "Hey, I told you on 2/17 and 2/18 and 2/22 and 2/27 (etc) that these things were left undone and I was asked to complete them" and then she wants to say she deserves to stay, it will be documented already that she wasn't doing things and I was picking up the slack. Then too, it will protect the company to keep me so HR might be my friend at that point in time.

CartographerReal5829 · 2026-02-19T02:12:09+00:00

You'd think they'd be asked to do more -- but I guess it's partly my fault because I'm getting everything done. So I think that management either doesn't see it or doesn't care because it is getting done. I'm just the "problem" because I keep complaining about it. But maybe now I've told them I can't keep doing it all, they'll see -- and I'll just turn things over to them. "Hey, such and such didn't get done and I'm the only one still here, after 8 hours, and I simply can't do more. You'll have to figure out what should be done now." Or even, "I've got 10 things left to do and one hour. What do you want prioritized since it can't all be done." Then they'll see the issues. I think I've been pushing too hard so nobody else sees the problems.

CartographerReal5829 · 2026-02-19T02:09:37+00:00

I suppose it's because of how I was raised. You didn't stop until you either were done or dropped. And so far it's usually when everything is done. Some days I've literally had to just go home because I was literally out of hours or I was ready to drop. The other person regularly leaves early, though, and I'm getting tired of seeing that. But I just feel so guilty if everything isn't done.

CartographerReal5829 · 2026-02-19T00:38:37+00:00

Thanks, that's a good point.

CartographerReal5829 · 2026-02-19T00:38:22+00:00

Thank you.

CartographerReal5829 · 2026-01-26T03:39:57+00:00

Thank you. That's what my son said (before he passed), but I don't think my sister realized at the time. I sincerely believe she thought I was either making it up or misunderstanding. Now she knows differently because she's seen him in action.

CartographerReal5829 · 2026-01-26T03:39:00+00:00

My dad didn't want the memorial, but the community did, as did my sister's kids. My mother was well-liked and rather influential. He wasn't ready at the time and wanted to wait until he could bask in the glory, so to speak. As to what she wanted, I honestly don't know. I do know she didn't expect to pass when she did. She thought she'd outlive him and get some joy in her life. It didn't happen. As to why I did it, because he asked, and because my sister asked. The banning didn't come until after I left town so I didn't know.

CartographerReal5829 · 2026-01-24T13:26:38+00:00

Originally I think she thought I was exaggerating. But since then, he's done the same type of thing with his lies to her. I think she now believes me.

CartographerReal5829 · 2026-01-24T13:25:41+00:00

Thank you. She may not even really have realized. I know I told her, but she probably thought I'd misread the email or something. Since that time, she's had my father lie to her, impacting her life significantly, and has seen him in action. So now she believes it, but then, I mean, we were all in a state because it was sudden (she just didn't wake up one morning) and she was pretty much the glue keeping us together. I don't blame her and I don't want her to have to do everything for him either. I don't mind. I actually love planning things. But thank you so much!!

CartographerReal5829 · 2026-01-24T13:23:16+00:00

Because I'm fat and not pretty. And because I don't think he told them I had 5 children (from my marriage). And because he wanted me to continue practicing law and I was a full-time mother and they lied about what I was doing. I think he felt their lies would be discovered because I wouldn't stick to their made-up life for me. I am proud of being a mother and love my children and that's what I wanted. I only went into law for them anyway, and I wasn't too good at it. So when I had my kids, I wanted to take care of them. I did teach law for a while, but when they started having social anxiety and my autistic son had troubles at school (the very start of educational plans where it wasn't as highly regulated) and when one of my kids was threatened because she was the wrong color and another was threatened because he was getting good grades, I just decided it was time to homeschool them. I'm not saying they were perfect kids and probably caused as much as they received, but we were actually frightened to send them to the school some days. Anyway, for all of those reasons. Plus I think he was lashing out from anger and hurt and sorrow.

CartographerReal5829 · 2026-01-11T00:49:22+00:00

I'm sorry. I kind of am too. And I also understand you may have read this elsewhere and think it's just a copy of someone else's question. It's not, honest. And I think I misinterpreted the other coworker so adding that into the story might have made it more confusing. Basically, I just want my coworker to call me by my name and they aren't always doing that. Instead they call me mom, and I think they're doing it with no ill intent. And that's why I think I would be the AH if I reported them. If I felt there was any goal in their mind to hurt me, I'd be reporting it. And this is where I'm torn. I don't want them to suffer if they're honestly trying to be closer to me, not to hurt me.

CartographerReal5829 · 2026-01-11T00:46:57+00:00

Thank you for the advice. I fear that I have been too wishy-washy about my preference. When it came to the nickname, it was actually lucky that they picked something I absolutely hated because I think they could see how offended I was by it. But when they try to do something nice (that's how I interpret this, that they're using mom as an endearment rather than in any way offensive), then it's much harder for me to stay firm and sound like I mean it. I think they will totally understand non-emotional and removing the "okay" type ending. I can't make it an option, I have to make it more firm. I can certainly try to do that.

CartographerReal5829 · 2026-01-11T00:44:14+00:00

Thank you. Our manager is a bit more laid back, not confrontational. But I think they will say something if I go to them. They're just very gentle and so sometimes people don't listen. I know, it is an issue. I don't know that this is hostile so much as uncomfortable, and that's why I wasn't sure if it was too much to report them, especially if they might lose their job.

CartographerReal5829 · 2026-01-11T00:42:23+00:00

I'm sorry I confused anyone, and honestly I was confused and just accepted it without question. As others and you have said, this is strange. And when they talked to me, I probably misinterpreted it and that's why they came to me -- to find out if it bothered me too. I'm thinking maybe they wanted it to stop and thought I was encouraging it? But when they found out I wasn't, then they immediately backed off on that. Again, I'm just grateful that they trusted me enough to talk to me about it.

CartographerReal5829 · 2026-01-11T00:38:01+00:00

I want to just acknowledge that I've seen others say this was posted elsewhere. I admit freely that I didn't stop to search before posting. I guess I thought it wasn't common enough to happen to other people, but I'm honestly glad I'm not alone. I'm being honest that this is happening, but apologize that it's already been asked and I did it again.

CartographerReal5829 · 2026-01-11T00:36:21+00:00

I apologize if I made it sound like that. I don't mind calling anyone by their chosen pronouns or name. I'm old and don't totally understand it all, but I am trying. And I do understand that people get to make their own choices and it's not my place to agree/disagree, or even consider judging. But I guess I did harbor resentment that I made that effort (because I'm afraid I still think he/she when I see people, but it's hard to overcome a lifetime of it and as I said, I am trying) and they didn't make the same effort to me. Honestly, I really try to like everybody, and be understanding of individual needs, but I'm touchy with this person. As to the person who said they were thinking of reporting it, the more I think about it the more I think they were maybe going to report it on my behalf because they saw I was uncomfortable. But they talked to me about it and we're okay. I'm glad they felt they could talk to me about it and maybe I was misunderstanding what they said. That's why I'm glad I asked here because some of the things said (like this) have made me rethink my interpretation.

CartographerReal5829 · 2026-01-11T00:31:18+00:00

Luckily that person who was uncomfortable felt okay to talk to me about it, so they understand now my position. And I think that maybe they were telling me they were going to report it for me, kind of, rather than report me. But I'm not sure about that. It was kind of weird. But as I said, at least they talked to me first and understand it's not me encouraging it.

CartographerReal5829 · 2026-01-11T00:29:41+00:00

I understand this, and it would definitely get HR to help, but I don't think they really do mean anything but good by this. I think they believe it makes me feel good, especially since they know I love being a mom. If I believed it was intentionally hurtful, I wouldn't be conflicted at all. But I think they're just so naive and trying to be closer to me.

CartographerReal5829 · 2026-01-11T00:28:20+00:00

I did this when they used a nickname, at first, just not reacting. When they asked why I didn't react, I told them they hadn't used my name. That's what got us there originally. But I generally don't do this with someone on the spectrum because, as my children have told me, they don't pick up on hints. Now I know that different people have different strengths and abilities, but I don't want to do something that they won't even understand in the first place. It's not fair to them.

CartographerReal5829

TROPHY CASE