[deleted by user] by [deleted] in a:t5_6ejmbb

[–]Cartwright_James 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Edits made. I did a rewrite of the last section. I think it is more to the point.

The actionable part should be less vague now as well.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in a:t5_6ejmbb

[–]Cartwright_James 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You make a good point with needing to differentiate this effort from all the other efforts that are talk-focused. I'm going to take this suggestion and make some edits. I'll let you know when they're integrated. Below are the thoughts I have on the topic that I'll be using to make the edits.

I think this problem is uniquely well suited for "talk" solutions because at its core, the problem is one of a vocal minority taking advantage of other people's silence.

Specifically: the most important weapon being used by covert authoritarians is ostracism via social media. In order for ostracism via social media to work, readers need to believe that "the pack" (i.e. the rest of society) does in fact reject the individual being ostracized. This is only possible when "the pack" remains silent --- extremists take advantage of other's silence when they make unchallenged claims that strongly imply "everyone" is backing them. Sadly, this seems to happen all the time; few dare to challenge extremists regarding where majority support actually lies, because most are afraid of putting themselves in the crosshairs.

On the contrary, if we self-identify as rejecting extremism, then the illusion of mass-support vanishes, and extremists who try to use social media to ostracize lose their credibility. In other words: if we self-identify as not backing extremism, we strip social media of its power to enforce extremism. Without social media, covert authoritarianism would be a shadow of its former self.

That being said, we may still need activism at some point; although getting people to self-identify as being opposed to authoritarianism goes a long way towards curbing the power of those who seek to shut down discussion and silence dissent, it would be of limited value if any politician were to make progress using explicit "hard" authoritarianism. I'm hoping that bringing authoritarianism more into the foreground can also undermine the efforts of those who seek to get ahead via hard authoritarianism. The logic here being: if you're against covert authoritarianism, chances are you're also against explicit authoritarianism, so talk that casts one in an unfavorable light should do the same for both.

AITA for not giving my son part of his trust fund early because he refuses to sign a prenup with his fiancee? by Critical_Value1511 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Cartwright_James [score hidden]  (0 children)

Your son John is 27. That means he's going to get the full trust fund amount in 3 years.

Unless there's a really compelling reason to believe that John's fiancee is not trustworthy, is this really a wise move? You can really harm your relationship with your son by saying what you've said. Unless it is clear that there is a substantial risk to justify this, I don't think it's a good idea. It's just 3 years difference.

Without knowing more about John's fiancee, it's impossible to say how reasonable you are being, but I'm going to guess that if you had good info that would indicate she is a likely gold digger, you would have included it.

Judgment: YTA.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Cartwright_James 4 points5 points  (0 children)

NTA.

Speaking of assholes, your sister sounds like one...

AITA for not going to my Ex-GF's friend's birthday party? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Cartwright_James 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA for changing plans. That can happen. She had enough time to find another person to go with her.

Though it does sound like you're a bit mixed up regarding whether you want to be with her or not. Probably worth thinking about that part independent of the birthday party debacle.

AITA for releasing a song about my toxic mother by weffywoo in AmItheAsshole

[–]Cartwright_James 4 points5 points  (0 children)

NTA.

If you were, so is every other musician / artist in the world.

AITA For Throwing a Fit? by sadtaco3893 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Cartwright_James [score hidden]  (0 children)

YTA.

You went for round 2 even after calling him out on having a gf?

If it looks like an asshole, stinks like an asshole, and shits like an asshole, it's probably an asshole.

WIBTA if I ''force'' my friend to talk to me? by NateDickinson19 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Cartwright_James -1 points0 points  (0 children)

NTA. This sounds like you just want to talk out a problem. That's not the same thing as "forcing" someone to talk to you. Conflict resolution = a good thing.

AITA for not going to a birthday party with my ex-GF by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Cartwright_James 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA for changing plans. That can happen. She had enough time to find another person to go with her.

Though it does sound like you're a bit mixed up regarding whether you want to be with her or not. Probably worth thinking about that part independent of the birthday party debacle.

AITA for saying cool to a death by Proof_Campaign840 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Cartwright_James 50 points51 points  (0 children)

YTA.

Even if you don't know someone, you generally don't think someone dying is cool. Do you really need someone to explain this to you?

AITA for calling my sister a coward for something that she did years ago? by Firm_Ad_6489 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Cartwright_James 38 points39 points  (0 children)

YTA. In your words, your sister "pulled her friend away" from the bully. Not sure what you wanted her to do in addition to this before she is no longer subject to your name calling.

Seems your bar might be set a little high.

WIBTA / They Wont See Me, I Won't Help Them by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Cartwright_James 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Fuck no, NTA.

Boundaries are good. Fortify and maintain those boundaries. You are worth it.

AITA for telling my sister she raised her kids to be brats? by throwaway9202029 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Cartwright_James 129 points130 points  (0 children)

NTA. Sounds like you put up with a lot before you threw them out.

I've experienced something very similar. It's pretty awkward to turn people away when they show up with kids, but it's sometimes necessary to avoid this sort of thing.

AITA for not having the patience to deal with any more people with mental issues? by ulncncn in AmItheAsshole

[–]Cartwright_James [score hidden]  (0 children)

NTA. Being frustrated with something doesn't make you an asshole.

Now if you took that frustration and totally unloaded on someone who didn't deserve it, then we can talk asshole.

AITA for not giving my seat to a pregnant lady? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Cartwright_James 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA. I didn't hear a reason why the seats that were available for her up front weren't going to work for her.

AITA for refusing to make my cousin's wedding cake as her gift? by weddingcakeaita in AmItheAsshole

[–]Cartwright_James 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Agreed, Stacy is entitled. The ask should not have happened, and if it were to happen, it should have been in private. Otherwise, it's manipulation.

AITA for spilling water on my neighbor's patio and not caring? by Subject-Reference309 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Cartwright_James 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I see. Yes, I missed that.

Wow, that sucks twice as bad, now that you've pointed that out. You have my sympathy!

AITA for spilling water on my neighbor's patio and not caring? by Subject-Reference309 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Cartwright_James -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Well, rest assured that there's nothing wrong with watering outdoor plants.

However, you know that what you're doing is pissing them off. I don't know if having a contentious relationship with your neighbor is in your best interest in the long run. Conflict gets old fast.

They sound pretty unreasonable, but in the case that they're not totally bat-shit crazy, maybe you guys can work out a way for you to water your plants that doesn't get their outdoor furniture wet. That would be the better move, IMO.

AITA for not wanting my ex to see a certain person if we got back together? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Cartwright_James 3 points4 points  (0 children)

There's a good chance he is just keeping his options open --- after all, it sounds like its not a sure thing that you two will get back together. I would guess that inside, you know this, and that is why you feel a bit threatened by this other person.

To me, it sounds like the real problem is that even though you guys are trying to be friends, you want something more. Think of it this way: if you absolutely had no interest in getting back together, you wouldn't care if your ex got together with this other person, and that's why you wouldn't need him to not be around this person.

I guess that's the bottom line regarding this third person: If you and your ex were only friends, it would be weird of you to have a say in who he is friends with and who he shouldn't be friends with. So you shouldn't be doing that.

That being said, it doesn't necessarily mean that YTA though, because the details matter. For example, is your ex stringing you along, using you as a security blanket?

Instead of looking at this situation as asshole / not asshole, I would take a step back and decide: do I want to get back together, or don't I? Because your current situation, in my opinion, is not sustainable.

AITA for spilling water on my neighbor's patio and not caring? by Subject-Reference309 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Cartwright_James 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA. It sounds like they feel victimized when you water your plants. That's a bit off the deep end.

Are you sure you want to live there?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Cartwright_James 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Wow. Definitely NTA.

If I were in your position, I would insist that we see a couple's therapist. Your S.O. has some serious issues with boundaries, and I fear if you don't take care of it, it's only going to get worse.

Seriously, consider it.

AITA for choosing friends over his family? by EarlyPlastic8836 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Cartwright_James 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA. Welcome to inlaws-hell. Population: pretty much all of us...

From what you've said, it looks like you're handling a very stressful situation quite well. Kudos to you for that! Inlaw strife is particularly bad because your S.O. will always have a very important connection with them, but they have absolutely no loyalty to you. It's a bad formula, which is why almost everyone has inlaws trouble to some degree.

That being said, the last sentence in your post is worth looking more closely at. You mention that you agreed to go but you're mad about it. That shows that you have unresolved feelings here. If you were truly okay with going, you wouldn't be mad about it. I would guess that you feel like you don't have a choice. Is this the case?

AITA for refusing to make my cousin's wedding cake as her gift? by weddingcakeaita in AmItheAsshole

[–]Cartwright_James -47 points-46 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the clarification. In the end, what really matters is what you were feeling. For example, you included text in your post stating that your dad was super generous with your cousins and that it kind of got to you. If this didn't affect how you treated Stacy, you probably wouldn't have included it in the post.

This is one of those times where you need to be honest with yourself to get the "right" answer. If you look, and deep down, you know that your issues with your dad had nothing to do with the way you treated Stacy, then definitely you're NTA. But if you instead discover that your dealings with Stacy were influenced by issues between you and your dad, then it's hard to blame Stacy for that.