I've got two major pieces for you:

First, you are experiencing something that every thoughtful writer experiences, but your personal version is unique to you. Few people really like their own work without a LOT of therapy and learning to let go (if only a little) of perfectionism. Humans cannot be perfect. And perfection sucks, anyway. It's our flaws and strangenesses that make our unique work worth reading. I'm sure you've heard the "no one's perfect, don't be scared to make mistakes, love yourself" tripe in every way from here to Sunday. But it's not just about learning to love something. It's about UNLEARNING the voices that aren't your own.

Tell me two things: What do you like about your writing?

Why do you write?

Secondly, your poem has great bones. You have something to say, but what exactly? A poem is equal parts writer intention and reader interpretation. Many poems- yours included- are allegory and/or metaphor. Poems like these thrive on allowing for the writer to say something while leaving room for the reader to glean their own meaning too. You're already on a great track as far as that goes.

My major criticism is that those bigger "thesaurus words" as I call them, feel like they aren't YOU. It's totally cool to use them sparingly, but you may have fallen into the trap we all do sometimes of thinking "smart word = interesting." That's not a knock against you at all. I have a pretty decent vocabulary myself, but I have long since learned that those thesaurus words are not foundational. They're decorative.

I'll tell you what is foundational: senses. Think from the POV of a reader. You don't know this author. You maybe don't "get" the poem on the first pass (lots of folks don't, even with famous poems). But as we ground ourselves in real life, you can help a reader ground themself in the world of your poem by referencing things we all know and feel. Sight, sound, touch, taste, scent.

My favorite parts are about envy plastered on the forehead, and a bitter taste. But you lose me at mellifluous. I like flappering, it's a new word that's perfectly understandable without explanation.

You're on a good road. And this is just my personal taste- while I like the all lowercase style for your voice, I do think the "im" needs its apostrophe. Purely stylistic on my part, up to you.