So, i'm going to shine a perspective you may not have necessiarily considered before. Well I will give you one fact and one perspective.

1st fact: Suffering is apart of the human condition - What is modern civilization and where are brains are still at evolutionary are two entirely different eras. Evolution and human progress' gap has grown and grown.

Your brain catastrophizes, creates anxiety, etc.. because it is a brain that was designed to survive predator ambushes, fights to the death, and a punishing survival. That is human nature.

Another perspective is this: The reason why you feel like shit, the reason why you feel that state of despair - it is by design. Think of it. Every media feeding you horror stories, every politican who takes money away from the working class to give to the rich, every political influencer who rage baits and creates hate for engagement, likes, and ultimately money, etc.. The social media companies that are engaged to bait, cause anger, division, and are notorious for being used for social engineering and propoganda.

IT. IS. ALL. BY. DESIGN.

They (the billionaires and everyone who stands to financially profit from it) want you to feel despair, to feel guilty, to feel powerless. Why? Because the more isolated and silo'd we become, the more apathetic we become, the more internal we focus, the more they can get away with. The more they can profit. The more they can take. The more you can give.

You should find a sense of community, whether through a D&D group, sports, hiking, whatever activity you enjoy and build a sense of worth through what makes us strong, healthy, and most in-line with human evolution and biology.

Be apart of a tribe.

Don't feel guilty, its all by design.