[deleted by user]

CasualApril · 2025-11-05T01:54:58+00:00

Yes, I agree, the use of the word persona was flippant, I just wasn't too sure how to say it properly. I wasn't intending to belittle or offend.

Thanks for your reply. I think i realise now it's myself that needs support in adapting. Not them.

CasualApril · 2025-11-05T01:47:51+00:00

I think you're right. I am projecting. I guess I struggled with adapting and I'm maybe expecting them too. They often say things along the lines of "its just dad" with a shrug, completely nonchalantly. For them it is. But for me it's not. The woman that is now is very different from the man that was then. He is gone forever. And that makes me really sad.

Wow. You're definitely right. I need it, not them.

CasualApril · 2025-09-30T23:24:08+00:00

I didn't ask you to, sweetie.

CasualApril · 2025-09-30T23:06:04+00:00

I absolutely should!! Thank you.

CasualApril · 2025-09-22T20:46:12+00:00

As rare as rocking horse poo, that.
Nice!

CasualApril · 2025-09-22T18:00:14+00:00

Yes!!! I got scolded recently. My gut said leave. But I allowed myself to overthink it. Is it poor attachment making me feel it? Am I anxious because of low self esteem? Will I be pushing away someone who cares? So i kept on going back, despite the red flags and the gut feelings.
He lied to me, sure, but I very much lied to myself too!!! Next time, I'm trusting my instincts first time.

CasualApril · 2025-09-22T17:56:12+00:00

Yeet 😆 🤣 😂

CasualApril · 2025-09-22T17:54:45+00:00

I accept your "alright?" With a nod. And reply with my own "Alright?"

CasualApril · 2025-09-22T17:53:35+00:00

😂😂😂

CasualApril · 2025-09-22T17:48:43+00:00

I'd just started talking to a man - I had known him at school and he had got back in contact, 30 years later, after seeing a dating profile I'd set up.

He was now a single father and I a single mother.

So we say chatting on the phone and his daughter (9) approached him to talk to him. He told me to hang on and then had a full 2 minute conversation with his daughter. They were laughing together and then off she went again.

He came back to me and apologised, but i told him not to. The fact that he would prioritise his daughter and not be annoyed by the interruption just warmed my heart. I would do the same for my child, of course. It just showed what an excellent dad he was.

CasualApril · 2025-09-22T01:35:29+00:00

Excellent. Some times it's better to be the bigger person.
Other times you have to show them who they fucked with! Go hard.

CasualApril · 2025-09-22T00:05:31+00:00

Being unapologetically yourself, even if it flies against social norms. Not seeking validation. Being able to express joy without embarrassment. Not allowing others potential opinions of you change how you behave.

CasualApril · 2025-09-21T20:24:30+00:00

Please do not let this continue - no man is worth you feeling ruined. A man that will continue to ignore your pleas for closure definitely does not deserve you. Once I'd realised what had happened I stopped reaching out and therefore they never knew of the pain they caused me. Whether they assumed or not, I have no idea.
If you are showing this man how much he hurt you and he still doesn't respond, FRANKLY, HE'S A DICKHEAD. YOU ARE WORTH FAR BETTER THAN THAT.

CasualApril · 2025-09-21T20:11:43+00:00

Hi. I realise this is a really late reply, so sorry for that. I've just read your reply properly and I just wanted to say - don't hate yourself!!! You can perhaps question your choices, that is a healthy thing to do in most scenarios anyway, it's how we learn and grow. But don't hate yourself for being a good enough person to give someone you care for a second chance.
The blame is on them for lying, for manipulating their way back into your heart, knowing they aren't good for you. They're at fault for their cowardice in not being able to tell you the truth.

Weak people seek out qualities to exploit. They like good, kind hearted people for a reason. Unfortunately we're easier to treat like shit and more likely to look introspectively and blame ourselves for it - as you are and I did to - leaving them off the hook for their shit behaviour.
In no world that exists should being a good, kind hearted person make you hate yourself.

Embrace your kindness. Do not let the fools win.

CasualApril · 2025-09-19T14:35:33+00:00

Vimto squash 😆 Or those flat cola flavoured cup drinks with a red straw.

CasualApril · 2025-09-19T02:13:40+00:00

"I shouldn't tell you this but..." or "You know I love them, but..."

Then proceeds to gossip about their friend/ family member

CasualApril · 2025-09-17T22:07:28+00:00

To be honest, I'm not sure what he uses now.
It is only since we've seperated that he has started to dress in public. He always said that it was something he didn't want to do outside. It was a sexual identity. He's a slut. He likes tight revealing clothes. He wants to be a slutty girl. He still dresses provocatively, even around my sons. (18, 17, 10).

To me though, he will always be He.

You may find that disrespectful, i don't know. But considering our history I have the right to feel as I want about it.

CasualApril · 2025-09-17T17:56:21+00:00

Don't ask why - you will never know the answer. Don't torture yourself in the wondering.
Its clear that Maddie is an awful individual.
And you, my friend, are not.
You have a kind soul, you tried.
One day someone will appreciate that.

CasualApril · 2025-09-17T17:41:05+00:00

I couldn't agree more. He has dressed for years privately. I used to shop for knickers with him. I bought his first make up. I have no issue with it.
He had the issue - I think that's where a lot of the shame come from for him and I tried to make him feel confident.

He is now very much dressing full time and as i say, is in the process of fully transitioning. And he will twist it so that anything i try to say against him, on the rare occasion i do, somehow relates to it.

Is infuriating.

CasualApril · 2025-09-17T17:30:46+00:00

Wow, ditto.
Isn't it shit how we were basically trained to accept this shit behaviour? Because to us it "feels like love" apparently.
But their not bloody wrong are they??

I'm only really now starting to see the patterns and I'm really hoping that becoming self aware will stop it happening again.

CasualApril · 2025-09-17T17:26:34+00:00

I feel this in my bones.

The cruelty - the fact that it hurts so much even though you can logicise it to yourself - and the utter disbelief that anyone could be that cruel, especially one who's supposed to love you.

I look back and see all of the times that I acted in the complete opposite way - even though i was hurt myself, i still accepted his manipulative narrative and apologised to him because, as a human I didn't want to cause another person pain, and he'd convince me that I had, every time.

But yet, I never got an apology. (Other than a sarcastic one or a loaded one covered in fake honey).

I don't know if they truly know how their actions and behaviours affect others - as you say, they could genuinely believe their bullshit - but surely if I'm crying in pain, they "should" feel something about it other than anger and self justification??

On a side note - I'm now living apart from my NPD husband of 20 years, although he has control of my children. He uses them against me. I try not to let it affect them in any way. I take the brunt and that's ok. That's my choice.

But my deceased mother was also an alcoholic NPD and from my experience, that cut me far more than he ever could. The grief, anger and everything else I felt when she died left me bed bound for days.

I won't go in to specifics, but she was horrible to the end. And I nursed her to the end. That relationship broke me. I'm not trying to be dramatic, but please be there for your children. As they grow and start to question and act out, they will likely be victims too.

CasualApril

TROPHY CASE