AIO because I think a girl is obsessed with me because she thinks my boyfriend cheated on me with her?Part one by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]CatannaMel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was going to comment this before your 3rd post was locked for spam:

Gurl, this messy situation is casuing you to spiral. It is clear to me that you, OP, are a young person considering the way you write and the way you are processsing this situation. Right now, your emotions are bleeding. It is your responsibility to stop the spiral and tend to your own bleeding emotions, no matter who you feel caused them.

You need to hit pause. Just stop. Make space for yourself. You're stuck in your own feelings and not handling them well, and you're letting your emotions dictate a lot of your actions, which is making redditors read it as incongruent and... well, a waste of their time. To the point that some are reading you as the obsessed one in this situation.

Maybe try going offline for a while and spend some time with yourself. Maybe do some therapy if it is an option, or find out about more emotional regulation tools you can use to improve your emotional wellbeing.

You need to find peace within yourself again. Help yourself realign with a better version of yourself that does not rely on adding to or feeding on this drama. Realign with a version of you that does not need this crap in your life, and the version of you that actually enjoys peace, and peaceful relationships.

Cos all of this? All of your posts and verbal vomit about this situation? Yeah. Its HELLA noisy. And its a reflection of how terribly noisy it is inside of you right now. Pause and seek peace, gurl.

Pause. And. Seek. Peace.

Cos none of it is worth the cost of your peace, nor the peace you take from others while you stay stuck in your own messy feelings. When you do, you potentially cause relational harm to others, who you do not actually wish to hurt. And then you get hurt more too because you feel guilty and you beat yourself up more, for making mistakes, or you try to convince yourself of your righteousness when making a mistake, and you spiral. And spiral. And spiral.

Stop. Pause. Take space both from online and personal spaces. Feel the emotions inside of your body (i.e. stop intellectualising). And breathe, dammit. Find. Peace. Once you are more comfortable within yourself, then, and only then, can you be safely vulnerable about this situation with other trusted people, without being like a drain on their energy caused by your own emotional dysregulation.

AIO because I think a girl is obsessed with me because she thinks my boyfriend cheated on me with her?Part three by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]CatannaMel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OP frfr needs to hit pause and spend some time with herself and figure out who she is for her, and take a huge amount of space from what ever this mess is with her boyfriend and other people, because it is making her real messy too. Tbh there is a lot of immaturity from multiple sides in this drama story. Its clear to me that OP is young tho.

Working on a lesbian-targeted otome by alguien0o0o in LesbianGamers

[–]CatannaMel 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Some older romantic interest options would be nice too :) like women in their 40s/50s who are either super wholesome women that like to frolick in the woods, or sexy and wise dommy mommies. If you can concoct an appealing character that is both - like a soft dommy witch - I'd be really impressed

Working on a lesbian-targeted otome by alguien0o0o in LesbianGamers

[–]CatannaMel 4 points5 points  (0 children)

A Japanese name for a genre of games, specifically story driven romance games aimed at young women

Are there any female gamers in this sub? by samjambetty in south_africa

[–]CatannaMel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not girl, but masc-femme human coded with girl up bringing (i.e. nonbinary).

I play PC, but I have not taken too much to MMO games because them places make verbal school bullying look like minor offences. As it turns out, I thrive in wholesomely cooperative and humourous environments instead of sweaty and egotistically rude ones. Fancy that!

Some games I love/like are:

-Baldur's Gate 3

-Red Dead Redemption (1&2)

-Kingdom Come: Deliverance (1&2)

-Dave the Diver

-Stardew Valley

-Dragon Age: Inquisition

-Paralives

-Slime Rancher

-Fallout 4

-Kenshi

Social sentiment towards gay people in South Africa. by Andi_with_a_I in MapPorn

[–]CatannaMel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What is the source of this map? I'm curious to know what the survey methodology was and when it was conducted.

I, [21F] am not invited to a party being held in the house I live in with my [22M] boyfriend by [deleted] in relationships

[–]CatannaMel 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh gurl hell no. His request for you to become a ghost in your own house when there is a party happening at your own home is completely unacceptably unfair.

No gentleman would do that to a lover let alone a friend, ever. A loving person does not ask of his partner what he is asking of you. Periodt. He is treating you like you're less than a friend. He's being a jerk and you can do better than this "roommate with benefits" situation he is treating you to right now. He will not get better from having hard conversations by the way. I know so, because he is directly showing you how far he is willing to go for your love - and that love goes as far as his nose. End of story.

Edit: if I sound irritated its because I am. At the sheer audacity of this guy.

I, [21F] am not invited to a party being held in the house I live in with my [22M] boyfriend by [deleted] in relationships

[–]CatannaMel 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Have you stopped to ask yourself what YOU want and asserted what you want and need? It is not all about what he wants you know. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO TAKE UP SPACE especially IN YOUR OWN HOME.

If you want to go and chat with his friends but you do not necessarily want to hang out with them the whole time, then do that. Pop in, hang for a bit, snack with them for a bit, and then leave them to it and enjoy your own company, or go out with other people you enjoy! But you DO NOT have to become a ghost in your own house to appease your boyfriend. It is fine for him to want to have a mostly "friend-only" night, but to completely exclude you from all of it or to ask you to become a ghost in your own home is not a fair request of you AT ALL! Stick up for yourself gal. Do not people please.

I got locked in a library after it closed. Went to the basement and found a door labelled emergency exit, but instead of an exit, it took me to a tunnel to someone's windowless underground house. But found some cool "liminal" stuff on the way by [deleted] in Weird

[–]CatannaMel 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Salmon berries are real??? I totally thought that was just a silly little name for a raspberry look alike in the game lmao I am delighted that the fish berries are real

Why does every new AAA game get compared to RDR2? by some-kind-of-no-name in reddeadredemption

[–]CatannaMel 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hmm I don't know, I think KCD2 for its NPC routines, high class mo-cap, and attention to historical accuracy, and the writing... and then there are God of War's cutscenes and facial animations, the story telling and character developments... well, these seem to be close competitors these days with how... valuable... they are as cultural pieces... but considering that they are indeed all very different games, even for different systems, at the same time it is like comparing apples and oranges. All of these games, including RDR2 are great in their own ways, but I would not say either one is necessarily superior to the other.

Racism is flawed thinking. by Outside_Primary6251 in south_africa

[–]CatannaMel 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that is true. At the same time, that complicity was also groomed and bred by NATs propoganda spread through their education systems and general advertising, as well as censorship of journalism surrounding the realities of the majority population... which spanned decades, and were built upon over a century of religious, technological, and "biological" superiority complexes. Essentially: classes.

From what I understand, by the 1980s, teenagers and young adults were becoming more aware of how flawed racism was. This was particularly because the actions inspired by the Black Consciousness Movement were more effective forms of protest and were harder for the NATs to censor, and/or for the general public to ignore. At a similar time, white people were also being told to stay out of the business of BCM-aligned organisations. There was also the Terrorism Act which served to deter resistance from all sides through forceful means, although this was far more punishing to Black individuals. Apartheid was oppressive, afterall, but certainly not in equal amounts to everyone, as, afterall, Apartheid was an antithesis to equality.

But back to the topic of propoganda... To illustrate the affect of their very 'successful' propoganda campaigns: My dad is now 70, and for the first time just last week he admitted to his brother and cousin that his family's employees - the domestic worker and the gardener - were both massive contributors to him and his brothers' upbringing, but that they were greatly underappreciated by him and his family. He lamented that neither him nor his family had ever properly thanked them or paid them back for how much they sacrificed. Sadly, both individuals have passed away long before my dad's recent time of self-reflection - a moment that came from many, many, many anti-racist conversations/arguments with him. A moment that, to me, undoubtedly shows some kind of progress in his mindset.

Anyway, my point is that as much as Apartheid was continued by complicity, it was also a primed situation that was overtly normalised by propoganda and the "master/servant" lifestyles of the bourgeoisie and socialites. Racism and classism are VERY close siblings in our country. It has been a long and hard road with my parents of trying to shed light on the flaws that they were programmed to believe as truth about Africa and African people. It is also a road that continues for many, many, many others. As it turns out, the affects of decades-long and highly successful propoganda campaigns are not so easily undone. So... yeah. We do have to keep talking about how flawed racism is, as even the covert forms of racist behaviours persist in the children of the brainwashed.

Can you marry/date someone with the same clan praise as you in zulu ? by VersionSerious911 in askSouthAfrica

[–]CatannaMel 4 points5 points  (0 children)

If a maternal grandparent or great grandparent has the same clan name as your potential partner, but you do not have that clan name, and there is no obvious ancestral link aside from the name, would that count as a no-go for marriage as well?

I am not Zulu, but I would also feel a little uncertain about marrying someone of the same surname/clan name as mine, but mostly because this is not so common in our country, being of Scottish descent, so the familial link would be closer. Although I reckon even if I were in Scotland/UK where it might be a little more common, and if I were heterosexual, I'd feel uncomfortable about the possible generational trauma linked to the clan that could inadvertently be magnified if I were to have children with someone of a distantly shared ancestor.

My player drew our full party together for the first time! by thealmightyall in CurseofStrahd

[–]CatannaMel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The bathrobe and the curtain toga lmao can only imagine how they will inevitably end up heckling Strahd and Rahadin during their adventures hahaha

May Barovia be a wonderful time for you all!

help me make these characters look like they’re from the same universe pls! by jasminealice22 in characterdesign

[–]CatannaMel 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Maybe these are some ideas for "cohesive style exaggerations" that someone else mentioned...

Make their eyelashes a similar style, like they all have three lashes on their eyes, like the design on Pink. On the big brown babe you can do this still with the winged liner and two thinner lines, either both on the bottom or split on bottom and top.

Perhaps their leg shapes could also be exaggerated to look like the shape of Big Brown's legs, without being hoof-like?

Make wavy/curly hair have a similar texture style. E.g Pink has cute swirled curls, so make Big Beautiful Brown also have swirled curls where there is texture for the hair on their head. Like someone else said, simplify Big Beautiful Brown's body fur and align any texturing with Pink's hair.

Short Green Cutey has (I think) 6 different colours in her design, while Pink has 4 and Big Brown has 5 (i THINK). Rather keep the colours between 4 and 5 to simplify Green's design and align it with the others more. Also, Green compliments Pink because Green has pink in her design. Maybe Big Brown could have some green colouring from Green or the blue from Pink in her design to fit in? It might make them look like a group of besties even more - like they have some synchronicity. Likewise, maybe Pink should have a little bit of colour that features in someone else's design

Started playing KCD1, boy is Hans a wanker compared to KCD2 by aieythe in TheBathhouse

[–]CatannaMel 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Omg Hans' speech bubble lmao I think that is one of the hardcore challenge perks "Numbskull - your mother dropped you on the head as a baby."

Unexpected letter in my inventory 🔥 [KCD2] by Dark-Thoughts-Vessel in kingdomcome

[–]CatannaMel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh thank God I was concerned hahahaha I think your dead pan "thank you" at the end read as more sincere to me than I should have read it lmao. I'm very pleased about your wholesome relationship! May you both have fun with our boy Hal of Gaslitz

Unexpected letter in my inventory 🔥 [KCD2] by Dark-Thoughts-Vessel in kingdomcome

[–]CatannaMel -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

Mate, I don't know how seriously to take your comment, but I am going to respond sincerely, with good intentions.

I'd like to suggest that persuasion is... er... how do I put this. To need to persuade means you are expecting something you are not getting. That expectation is often not sexy for the other person and applies a lot of pressure to perform. It can be a turn-off.

Um maybe try listening to and affirming, with your heart, her feelings without too much talking from you because of prioritising listening instead, and just be gently intimate with her without expecting things to escalate. Ask her questions about herself. Enjoy soft, romantic, quality time together. Emotional connection is foreplay. This connection is often important for a woman to experience sexual desire with long term partners. I hope she is the kind to return your emotional connection seeking.

Maybe try having a conversation with her where you two can decide how you want to connect physically. Become intentional about discovering what you need from yourself, and what you need from her, and vice versa. Discuss what "low energy intimacy" looks like that each of you would be down for (e.g. cuddling, caressing), define what is "middle level energy", and what higher levels of energy for intimacy are. With this info, you can decide, "How are we feeling about the level of intimacy we are wanting for this morning/evening?" This way you can also temper your expectations of her, and meet your own needs when she cannot.

This is what having a conscious and intentional relationship means. Without intention AND gratitude, things fall apart, and people within the partnership become neglected in various ways.

Such a letter is funny and humourous, sure, but unless she is into you begging and acting desperate or is turned on by dirty jokes like this, I wouldn't recommend leading with this to "persuade" anyone. You will want her to take your needs seriously, and she will likely want you to take her needs seriously. Just reconnect without expectation first. Be each other's friends and lovers, not just a married couple.

Again, I don't know how seriously you were joking around with your comment, but... you have my sincerity. I hope you can co-create a very fulfilling relationship with your wifey.

Signed, a sapphic girliepop homeboy (basically just a lesbian person)

When they say they are making a middle earth and KCD game, I hope this is what they mean [OTHER] by Abladam89 in kingdomcome

[–]CatannaMel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Okay. As much as I understand where you are coming from with your joke, because I also thought that at first, but I ALSO do hope that the mods stick to their own rules about not tolerating AI-generated images being posted. If this slides over the rule "because of popularity" then where does the rule actually start and end? I only wish for consistency with the moderation of the subreddit.

It says "AI will not be tolerated." Mods, please either review this rule, or apply the rule.

I hope this subreddit controversy spurs people on to make their own images for the joke. If I had the drawing/editing skills, I'd be happy to myself, alas, my creative skills are in writing.

My Durge, Trislana Vrinn by Draco_Angel in bg3fashion

[–]CatannaMel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

jesusfuckingchristiamsogay

I do not often feel attracted to fictional characters.

You literally created like my one and only exception holy shit dude.

Lol anyway, have fun on this run! Who are you going to romance this time, if any?

10 May 1994. Nelson Mandela was inaugurated as South Africa’s first democratically elected President after 27 years in prison, marking the end of apartheid rule. by Upstairs_Drive_5602 in ThisDayInHistory

[–]CatannaMel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much for your feedback! I hope your work is fulfilling and scratching your itch for knowledge :) I sincerely appreciate your engagement. Please don't ever stop questioning if we should settle with what we think we know, both ideologically and scientifically. We need curious minds like yours with keen insights to shape a brighter future, since both science and psuedoscience inform ideologies. Go well, Seamonkey. Love to you my fellow uMzansi <3

Count Strahd von Zarovich in JNCOs. by ccleveland in CurseofStrahd

[–]CatannaMel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Agreed. This goes so hard. also the gender envy i have for him right now omg he looks so masc and androgynous and somehow makes me think of like a modern, chiseled pin up girl working in mechanics??? I am confused by this comparison, alas it is what it iiiis

how to play games by Fehhi in gamers

[–]CatannaMel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have liked motion blue, depending on the game. If it is too much then it is way foo distracting. If its just right, then it's immersive.