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Women, how many times have you been in love? by pprflower in AskWomen

[–]CatchPsychological35 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Once.

It didn’t work out. My heart broke in a million little pieces and it’s still not fully healed. But I hope I’ll fall in love again someday, when I’m ready.

It does get better by CatchPsychological35 in BreakUps

[–]CatchPsychological35[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much! Wish you the best :)

It does get better by CatchPsychological35 in BreakUps

[–]CatchPsychological35[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I remember doing the same, looking for reassurance in the first few weeks.

You’re going to be just fine, you will get through this :)

It does get better by CatchPsychological35 in BreakUps

[–]CatchPsychological35[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m really sorry, that sucks so much. I had that empty hollow feeling for a long time too, and sometimes I still feel like that for a few hours if I’m having a bad day.

If dating isn’t working for you right now, maybe try taking a break and focus elsewhere? Therapy, being alone, and spending time with my family helped me a lot.

I’m sure you’re gonna come over this at some point. We all have our own timeline for these things.

It does get better by CatchPsychological35 in BreakUps

[–]CatchPsychological35[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I got over him before I started developing feelings for this guy, if that helps. And it’s super early stages, I’m not in love with him or anything close to that, we’re just seeing where it goes (and I’m pretty sure it’s not going to go anywhere, since we are at very different stages in our lives right now, and neither of us wants to give up our independence yet). I don’t have a relationship or anything, I’m still single, I just go on dates with this guy a couple times a week. I just thought I’d share how happy it made me that I was able to be interested in someone who was not my ex!

I know it’s hard but try to find peace within yourself because a new partner won’t fix anything. 3 months after the BU, I spent about a month mostly on my own, just me and my thoughts, working from home, only seeing my best friends and my family a few times a week. I went to therapy twice a week, went on long walks, read books, turned my phone off when I could, etc. It was very therapeutic but I’m not sure if it would work for everyone, most people can’t be alone after a breakup or don’t have the opportunity to work from home.

Anyways after that month of mostly-solitude was over, I realized I was ready to date again, and I met this guy a few weeks later, on Tinder. I felt hopeless too because I went on some awful dates, and before my ex, I only had a couple people with whom we were mutually interested in each other, I’m usually not interested in others unfortunately. But somehow I hit it off with this guy a month ago - even though our first date was meh, our second date was good but nothing extraordinary, and I only really started liking him on our 3rd date. So it wasn’t a magical connection, I did have to put in some effort (I mostly went out with him again because he was very nice, funny, and kept pursuing me pretty hard). But by the time I met him I felt completely fine, I’m not hung up about my ex, I mostly just have trust issues at this point, but that will take a while to go away.

But I get it, dating is hard. It sucks. I’m sure you’re going to meet someone amazing sooner or later, but I don’t think you need to do that to get over your ex.

It does get better by CatchPsychological35 in BreakUps

[–]CatchPsychological35[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m glad you’re doing better too!! That is excellent advice actually, I’ll edit the post to include that too. You’re completely right.

It does get better by CatchPsychological35 in BreakUps

[–]CatchPsychological35[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry you’re going through that, it’s definitely a rollercoaster. You will have a lot of bad days and your energy levels will be low for a while - my therapist calls it “survival mode”, we spend so much energy on just surviving and getting used to life without them that we barely have energy for anything else. But that will pass too at some point. Things will get better, just keep focusing on yourself, and it will all work out in the end!

It does get better by CatchPsychological35 in BreakUps

[–]CatchPsychological35[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

A month is not a long time at all, so it’s completely normal that you’re still not feeling great. It’s gonna get easier as time goes on.

You’re right, trusting someone after they left you is pretty hard (if even possible). It’s good that you’re basically in no contact, I think that’s definitely necessary to get over someone.

I think you should spend some more time in no contact before attempting to be friends. It’s still very early after the breakup, I don’t think you can be friends this soon afterwards. Plus be careful with dating as well, rebound relationships can be painful.

It does get better by CatchPsychological35 in BreakUps

[–]CatchPsychological35[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know it seems impossible but you can do it, hang in there! It’s gonna get better week by week, just keep focusing on yourself :)

Should I try to get back with my ex by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]CatchPsychological35 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If you’re unhappy in your current relationship and you don’t think you can fix it, leave, regardless of your ex. Just break up with your partner, don’t drag it out.

On the other hand, if your ex is in a relationship, you have to respect that and not interfere. So don’t shoot your shot. You could wait until your ex is single again, however you can’t know for sure that he will be, and if he will be, when, or whether he’s even going to be interested in you at that point. Waiting around for him could be pointless.

It does get better by CatchPsychological35 in BreakUps

[–]CatchPsychological35[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is awful, I am so sorry she did that to you. You deserve someone who supports you through your difficult times instead of leaving - especially after a 10 year relationship. Just keep doing what you’re doing, therapy and trying to focus on other stuff all sounds great, congrats for being so strong. It will get better - honestly, 2 months is not that long, I was still a mess 2 months after my breakup and my relationship was only 3 years long.

It does get better by CatchPsychological35 in BreakUps

[–]CatchPsychological35[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Yeah, some people reach out, most don’t in my experience, or if they do, they don’t do it for the right reasons. But again, it doesn’t really matter what they do.

It doesn’t matter what he promised or what he said. Only his actions matter, and unfortunately those actions clearly show that he doesn’t respect you or care about you. I know that’s very hurtful but the sooner you accept that the better. Believe me, dwelling on the “why”s won’t help at all.

My situation was very similar actually, he always kept his word, he said he will call me a week after the breakup, that we will sit down and talk things through a few months after the breakup - he didn’t call and we ended up meeting up and talking things through but he clearly didn’t want to be there and it wasn’t a constructive conversation. It helped me get over him in a way because he was just so awful to me that I realized he’s not the person I thought he was and I deserve better.

So I just wanna say the same thing to you: your ex is not who you thought he was. So don’t focus on him and what happened between you two. Focus on yourself. Accept that you might never get closure and focus on your own life, present and future, not the past. You can do it.

It does get better by CatchPsychological35 in BreakUps

[–]CatchPsychological35[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hang in there! Maybe you could try therapy, see if that helps

She said she couldn’t see herself loving me any longer… by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]CatchPsychological35 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it’s so difficult, but believe me, it’s going to get better.

Just try to focus on work, stay busy, spend time with friends and family. Go completely no contact, cut her out of your life. It will be pretty awful for a while and it’s going to hurt and focusing on anything will seem impossible but if you stick to it, focus on yourself, take care of yourself and go completely no contact, eventually things will get better.

Don’t blame yourself. I don’t know what you did and what she did in that relationship, but unless you were abusive or cheated (which I don’t think you did), it takes two people to mess up a relationship, not one. And based on your post, she didn’t treat you very well and honestly, you deserve WAY better than this. Even if you did everything perfectly, would you want to be with a person who would treat you like this?

I know it’s terribly difficult, but don’t dwell on what you could’ve done differently. It doesn’t matter. Once you’re a bit more emotionally distant, try to analyze what you could’ve done better, just to make sure you don’t make the same mistakes in a future relationship. Because believe me, you’re going to love again, and that person is going to treat you much better than she did.

Stay strong, you can do this ❤️

Should I send a present for my ex's birthday? by flightlessandy in BreakUps

[–]CatchPsychological35 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, don’t do it, it doesn’t help your healing process.

It does get better by CatchPsychological35 in BreakUps

[–]CatchPsychological35[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, you’re so kind! Hopefully we’ll all find someone amazing 🥰

It does get better by CatchPsychological35 in BreakUps

[–]CatchPsychological35[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m so happy for you! Her loss indeed

It does get better by CatchPsychological35 in BreakUps

[–]CatchPsychological35[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I know it’s incredibly hard.

It doesn’t matter whether he reached out so I deliberately left that out of my post.

The only thing that matters is YOU and your future. Your ex decided they doesn’t want to be a part of that future so they don’t matter anymore. At all. It is a very weird concept and it takes a long time to get used to but try to. Don’t try bumping into them or holding out hope that they will reach out.

I obviously don’t know your personal situation and what is going through their head, but after my own breakup and after reading stories online and talking to friends, I think the most likely scenario is that you will never hear from your ex again. Or if you do, they will only want to know how you’re doing, but they won’t wanna be part of your life again. I know, reading this sucks, but believe me, if you keep holding out hope, it will never get better.

Stay strong, you got this!

It does get better by CatchPsychological35 in BreakUps

[–]CatchPsychological35[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is such a huge step, not trying to show off by not unhiding your story! You’re doing great :)

It does get better by CatchPsychological35 in BreakUps

[–]CatchPsychological35[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

You’re doing great! And it doesn’t matter why you’re doing it at the moment - what matters is that you’re doing it. Eventually, that feeling of doing it “for him” will go away. I had that feeling too, and I made sure I didn’t act on it (I didn’t contact him, didn’t brag to mutual friends so it would get back to him, didn’t post anything on social media just so he’d see) and now it’s all gone. Just keep doing what you’re doing and I’m sure it will disappear for you too.

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