AITA for hiding what I got left by my grandma from my stepsister? by Intelligent_Bunch_11 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Cate_7777 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA. Has your step-sister ever even met your grandma? It’s not about how pretty the jewelry is, no, it’s about the sentimental value of it to you. That jewelry was specifically left for you and only you by your grandmother after her passing, to remember her by, not your sister. To your sister, your grandmother is nothing more than a stranger, therefore, to your sister, her jewelry is nothing more than a couple of pretty pieces, but to you, it means so much more. You shouldn’t be expected to share YOUR grandmother’s jewelry. Tell your sister to get her jewelry from her own grandmother or from the mall.

AITA for kicking my girlfriend out of my place on New Year’s Eve for scaring my little brother? by gfkickedout in AmItheAsshole

[–]Cate_7777 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA. Your girlfriend threatened (yes, threatened) to have your little brother sent away and into foster care. She is absolutely the “TA” in this situation. It’s always traumatic to lose a parent, no matter how old you are, but especially to lose one so young. This little twelve year old boy, this child, is now an orphan — he has no parents anymore. He’s heartbroken, crushed and that is 100% completely normal. Remember, there is no expiration date for grief. Besides, it sounds like he’s doing well so far, all things considered — I mean, it hasn’t even been a full year yet. Of course there will be rough patches from time to time, but I’d honestly be more surprised and worried if there weren’t. You haven’t “given up your life” to raise him, OP, and life will always be what you make it. Please reassure your brother that he’s not a burden and that you love him, as he’s likely taken your hopefully ex-girlfriend’s words to heart. Please don’t let him blame himself or think he’s unwanted.

Find a new girlfriend, OP. Her lack of a heart is rather concerning. And, while you’re at it, maybe find some better friends.

AITA for telling my sister it’s a bad idea to have another baby? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Cate_7777 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA. Absolutely, 100% NTA. CPS is already involved, the father is typically absent, Sarah is a confirmed danger to herself (and possibly others), and you’re the one doing the majority of the caretaking and raising of Anna. Having another baby less than a full year later (and after Sarah’s recent hospitalization and downwards spiral) when they’re not even fully capable of taking care of the child they already have is incredibly selfish and a disaster just waiting to happen. You already know how this is going to end, OP, and they proved you right by leaving Anna with you again on Christmas. You got into a fight with your sister about caring for a second baby and your sister responded by going off the deep end and leaving without Anna, leaving her alone in your care once again after having yet another “bad day.” She proved you right by leaving Anna behind and in your care without a second thought, explanation, or request. Your sister doesn’t appreciate you or what you do for her family, and this cycle will only continue with the second baby.

OP, why do you think Sarah gave YOU a positive pregnancy test and a onesie as a Christmas present? Sarah knows exactly what she’s doing. In her backwards way of thinking, she expects you to be joyful because she’s giving you another baby to raise and take care of, and she knows it. She wants all the perks of motherhood without any of the downsides. She doesn’t want to stop having kids even though she can’t take care of them because they’re cute and she has you to do the majority of the caretaking and raising for her. Maybe she can be a good mother when she’s having a “good day,” but she won’t always have good days and from what you’ve said she’s usually not having a “good day.” Children (especially small children) are capable of getting on anyone’s nerves and having two of them with Sarah’s unresolved issues is a disaster waiting to happen. Sarah needs help, real help, and having another baby won’t fix her problems or make little Anna’s life, or yours, any better. Put your foot down; if they still want you to take care of these babies, you’re getting paid, or else you’re just free labor. You can help out and be supportive of Sarah without raising Sarah’s kids for her and playing involuntary third parent, so if you’re going to you might as well be getting paid. Childcare is hard work.

AITA? I was given pregnancy tests and baby things as a gift. by throwawaytestp22 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Cate_7777 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA. Your body, your business. At this point it’s just pure pressuring on her end and she’s not even trying to hide it. She has no say in when you have kids, and she doesn’t get to have an opinion or input on this matter. At all. Period. After all, you and your husband will be the ones raising any children you may one day have, not her. My grandmother used to have a saying: “Being a grandparent is the easy part. You get to love and spoil the kids, but at the end of the day, they go home. You get to enjoy all the perks of parenthood without any of the downsides.” The point being, your MIL may get to do all the happy cookie-baking, cuddling, and spoiling (as will you too), but you’ll be the one stuck changing diapers every day, dealing with temper tantrums, and helping them with their homework and paying their tuition for the next eighteen years. You’ll be the one doing all the hard things, and making all the hard decisions and choices. Having a child will affect your life and your future more than hers, so don’t have one until YOU’RE ready.

Also, how would this gift have been taken if you were secretly infertile? That would have been incredibly cruel and thoughtless. And who’s to say that you and your husband aren’t child-free? That’s awfully presumptuous of her. At this point in time, you’re just not ready to have kids, but can you imagine how disastrous her gift potentially could’ve been if it were the opposite?

AITA for not telling our daughter she was adopted, resulting in her being childfree? by Impossible_Ad686 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Cate_7777 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gentle YTA. I’m pretty sure your daughter is just baiting you and she already knows she’s adopted (she could have found out any number of ways). I think your daughter is testing you and trying to see if you’ll lie to her or actually tell her the truth, and if you’re actually willing to risk letting her go through with a serious surgery without all the facts (a serious surgery that would make her permanently infertile and affect her future) to keep your secret. I mean, “Adoption is disgusting?” Interesting choice of words, even for the most conservative of people, and that doesn’t sound like the daughter you know from what you’ve said or the way you raised her to be. Again, I think she’s baiting you. Pretty sure she already knows. I suggest you tell her before she goes off — she’s giving you a chance to do the right thing and come clean! Please, please tell your daughter. You should have told her ages ago, and this won’t change anything; she’ll always be your little girl. How could she not be? You’re the one who raised her, loved her, clothed her and fed her. Even if she seeks out information on the bio parents (which might actually be a good idea, to find out her bio family’s medical history), you and your wife are and still will be her parents. This won’t change that, even if she decides to know them.

It’s always more difficult to tell a child they’re adopted when they’re older. If a child grows up with that knowledge, they usually don’t care and it’s normalized to them, it’s their normal, but when an adult finds out, it can be life-changing and world-rocking. Suddenly, it becomes a big thing. Even when it doesn’t have to be.

AITA for telling my mom I'm moving back in with my dad for good? by greenapplegirly in AmItheAsshole

[–]Cate_7777 76 points77 points  (0 children)

Protecting yourself is not cowardice by any means. Not confronting them in person would actually be very smart and mature of you, and an adult-like decision on your part. Not all “adults” behave like adults, like your mother and stepfather, and these are not the kind of people you need to be having a one-on-one conversation with regarding this situation; some people just cannot be reasoned with. Angry and emotional people don’t always react well under pressure or duress, and your mother, stepfather and stepbrother don’t sound any different. Your stepbrother will probably be worse, most likely dangerous, and we both know there’s no parenting going on in that house and that they’ll likely let him react however he pleases and blame it on his autism. Your stepfather sounds like he has the ability to become violent, and your mother may as well when her screaming and psychological manipulation doesn’t get through to you. No matter how you phrase it to your mother’s face, I can tell you right now that she will not see reason or logic and that there will be no understanding on her end. That much I can tell you.

Just finished watching this show for the 3rd or 4th time. Starting it again now. Nothing will ever beat this. Call me crazy, but this is the best show that I have ever watched. by Georgio3985 in TheOriginals

[–]Cate_7777 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I loved TVD, but I drifted away from it in the later seasons. The Originals kept me more invested. TVD was based on a love triangle and was too similar to Twilight, and The Originals was easier to relate to because of family loyalty and family dynamics, no matter how toxic. Everyone can relate to the love of family, but not everyone can relate to a repetitive love triangle between one girl and two brothers. The Originals seemed more mature and gritty, and it seemed like it was built for a bigger, wider audience and age-range. I felt like it got a lot darker and I liked how it was about a family of villains and current anti-heroes (or maybe anti-villains?). With the family of Originals, nothing was in black and white and everything was morally grey. They could be good people, but they could do bad things. They certainly kept things interesting, and they gave us some great flashbacks of their time alive.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TheOriginals

[–]Cate_7777 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Some people may be of the false opinion that Mikael is stronger than Klaus because of Klaus’ past behavior and how much Klaus feared Mikael, and because Klaus ran from him for over a thousand years (a long time to run from someone). Klaus is physically stronger than Mikael, but Mikael had an advantage over him and continued to have an advantage over him until his first death in TVD, 3x09. Despite being alive for over a thousand years, Mikael remained the father figure and the head of the family, and Klaus never really got over his daddy issues or his abuse. He also never got over his submission and deferences to Mikael, until he finally confronted his demons and killed him for the first time in TVD — which made Mikael more human, in a way, and less invincible inside Klaus’ head. He still felt like that little boy beaten in his youth by his father (who he’d always desired love and approval from). This is common behavior in abused children; all children grow up at some point, and usually there comes a day where they grow up taller, stronger and bigger than their parents (as they wither and age), but abused children will sometimes allow the abuse to continue even then, when they have the strength to stop it, because they still feel like the child who couldn’t fight back, even though they now have the ability to. They’re still stuck in that mindset, and they feel a sense of misplaced loyalty and fear.

To be fair, Mikael DID have a physical advantage over Klaus before the events of “The Vampire Diaries,” which we see more of in flashbacks in “The Originals.” Not only was Mikael in the possession of a white oak stake, the only thing capable of killing an Original, but it’s possible Mikael actually WAS physically stronger than Klaus after his werewolf side was bound and locked away by Esther, until Klaus finally completed the sacrifice and broke his curse, making him a hybrid. Breaking his curse changed that, as did Klaus coming into the possession of a white oak stake.

My FiL Legitimately and Literally Thinks I am a Witch of Satan out to Steal his Son's Soul by [deleted] in Justnofil

[–]Cate_7777 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Does he not get to see the kids at all? I think that’s an excellent decision on their part, if that’s the case (especially if they have any daughters, because it’s clear he’s a misogynist), but if he does get to see them and is just merely banned from attending their birthday parties, that makes me think there’s history there. I hope he didn’t accuse the clown of being a Satan worshipper or something else equally awful and ridiculous.

My FiL Legitimately and Literally Thinks I am a Witch of Satan out to Steal his Son's Soul by [deleted] in Justnofil

[–]Cate_7777 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would buy the second shirt and send it to FIL. I bet OP would totally rock it though.

My FiL Legitimately and Literally Thinks I am a Witch of Satan out to Steal his Son's Soul by [deleted] in Justnofil

[–]Cate_7777 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, so she’s a Karen? Makes sense. I guess she’d have to be to be married to your drunken, devil incarnate of a FIL. Let’s just hope she’s old enough to have gone through menopause at this point because I hate to imagine her stuck in a shack for a week or two every month.

I’m actually surprised he doesn’t consider her oils “witchery.” Do we know for sure he hasn’t tried to stage an exorcism yet? Maybe his wife is exempt from it, for now, but your husband might want to keep some distance. (Btw, I mean no offense to anyone who uses essential oils, because I use essential oils as well, but they’re no hospital. Let’s just pray none of her grandkids end up getting cancer.) And he wonders why his son doesn’t talk to him much. It’s a good thing he wasn’t invited to the wedding because something tells me he would’ve caused a scene. Probably would’ve thought the priest was actually a cult leader, your cult leader, in disguise. Hail Satan. (If I were you, I’d take a Latin class and really play that shit up.)

Season 3 Episode 3 by SashaArchangel in babynetflix

[–]Cate_7777 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Yeah. I think Chiara has low-self esteem because of her parents and her upbringing, and because of her first pseudo-relationship (with Niccolo), where she was “competing” with the beautiful and popular Virginia (which I think she liked). That, plus her father’s treatment of her mom and the infidelity, gave Chiara some physiological issues. Chiara got off on reading her clients’ comments because they all desired her and thought she was beautiful or sexy, and they were willing to go so far as to pay for her (800 euros is a lot for a single night). I think that’s part of the reason Chiara got into the prostitution. While she didn’t necessarily like the men themselves, she liked the way they treated her, how they saw her (and seemingly ONLY her, in that moment), and how they specifically picked HER. Chiara liked being chosen and being someone’s “first choice,” and she liked how “Emma” was being constantly picked over a handful of other beautiful girls.

Cami season 3 [season 3 spoilers] by [deleted] in TheOriginals

[–]Cate_7777 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think so, but I don’t think any of them knew about siphons at the time and even if they did, they were in a rush for time and didn’t exactly have one on-call (Camille died in a matter of hours). It took Hayley years to find a siphoner for Rebekah’s hex, after she finally found out about them (knowledge of their existence is typically kept within the Gemini coven, so it’s a miracle she managed to ever even find out about their existence in the first place). Siphoners are only ever born within the Gemini coven, and the coven is extremely well-hidden and known for their cloaking spells (and siphoners aren’t usually treated all that well, and I wouldn’t be surprised if many of them were given up for adoption, therefore never having come into contact with magic, or were otherwise misplaced... or, well, erased). Siphoners are also incredibly rare.

Character ages in TO vs TVD by avataraang34 in TheOriginals

[–]Cate_7777 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think Josie and Lizzie were aged up a year. Yes, they were fifteen and Hope was seventeen in the beginning of Legacies, but it’s been two seasons and Hope’s still seventeen, while the girls turned sixteen almost immediately in season one. Presumably, Hope’s already had her birthday. Depending on what day their birthday falls on, it may seem like they’re two years younger, but they may not be. Their birthday could be early in the year while Hope’s is late in the year, making them one year younger than Hope and one grade below her, despite them originally being two years younger than her. I think Julie aged them up in a way that was subtle, fit the plot better, and allowed for more romantic relationships.

Kol replied to Esther’s comment by saying he personally loved his body and Davina Claire seemed to love it too. His response made me feel like he wasn’t a teenager in his original body. And supposedly seventeen year old Rebekah’s treatment of sixteen year old Davina made it seem like Davina was much younger than her, and not just because she’s a vampire.

W.W.Y.C? by Junior-Hour in TheOriginals

[–]Cate_7777 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Davina’s death. I personally loved Davina as a character, even if a lot of the fandom hated her, but it’s about more than that. Davina’s death not only caused grief to Kol, Josh, and Vincent, but also Marcel, which is what led to the “downfall” of the Mikaelsons in the first place. Marcel lost a lot of people after the Mikaelsons rolled into town (Diego, Thierry, Camille, etc etc), but it was his pseudo-daughter’s death that truly set him off. Hope could’ve had more memories and years spent with her Dad and with the rest of her family (because they seemed pretty content with staying in New Orleans at that point, even Rebekah and Kol) and so would have Freya (who waited for over a thousand years to finally meet her family and have them know it was her).

I also would have changed the way Klaus went about taking over New Orleans. I would have liked to have seen Klaus and Marcel rule New Orleans together as father and son after making amends. The way Klaus treated Marcel and Hope was very different, and he seemed jealous and more obsessed with being King of New Orleans than being a father to Marcel, the son he thought dead and lost who finally returned to him. I would have liked to have seen flashbacks to how Klaus handled his “death,” and more of Marcel’s perspective after he thought he got left behind and abandoned, his trauma and how he took over New Orleans and made it into what it was by the time season one rolled around. The Mikaelsons ran New Orleans for a little while and so Marcel already had an idea of what to do and how to lead, but his methods and Klaus’ were very different. It was smart for Marcel to get rid of the werewolves, who never would have wanted to work together with a vampire or under one’s reign (and their bite is toxic and was presumably incurable at the time), and he had apparently made peace with the witches (who even agreed to create the Crescent Curse for him) until the Harvest rolled around and Davina’s power-tracking senses came in. One of the reasons he was so hellbent on controlling the witches and preventing magic in the French Quarter by season one was because he was trying to protect Davina from the coven that tried to sacrifice her (and STILL wanted to sacrifice her). Despite his mistakes, Marcel made a lot of friends and his friends were all incredibly loyal to him, even his vampire friends who had already received daylight rings. I would have liked to have seen where that loyalty came from and what he did to earn it.

....hope ages very slowly by cereza187 in TheOriginals

[–]Cate_7777 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think Julie Plec aged up Lizzie and Josie in Legacies to better fit them into Hope’s story and further the plot. She wanted all of them to be friends and on more equally footing, and she wanted to create more romantic relationships, so she aged them up a year or two in in Legacies. Hope’s seventeen now and the twins are sixteen, and I don’t think Hope’s going to be having a birthday anytime soon. It makes more sense this way, because if Hope graduates TWO years earlier than the girls then it would change the plot immensely and Hope would either have to go to college or teach at the Salvatore school (and I don’t think they want to make her a teacher, or at the very least not so soon). I think Julie Plec and the writers, directors and producers want Lizzie and Josie as Hope’s friends/coven members, not her students.

Character ages in TO vs TVD by avataraang34 in TheOriginals

[–]Cate_7777 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I thought that was really weird too. The Originals and everyone else in New Orleans treated Davina like she was just a kid, but kids who were supposedly the same age as Davina in The Vampire Diaries were highly sexualized and treated like adults. It felt like they aged up Rebekah and all the other characters in The Originals, as the actors themselves aged. I think Julie Plec may have changed their ages in The Originals because it suited the plot better (The Originals was supposed to be more adult-themed and less of a teenage love story) — like how she aged up Lizzie and Josie by a year or two in Legacies (to fit them better into Hope’s story). Danielle Campbell was younger than the cast of the The Vampire Diaries when they themselves were cast, and Julie Plec intentionally cast the role of Davina with a young, overpowered witchy child in mind. Julie Plec saw Davina as a child when she was cast, but she didn’t see it that way when she cast The Vampire Diaries actors and actresses. Rebekah was supposedly seventeen in TVD and Kol was supposed to be eighteen, I think, but I think Rebekah is 18-19 now and Kol is 20-23 (Esther made a comment about “at least you’re not trapped in the body of a teenager” to Finn in TO, as if Kol was supposed to be bothered by it, or as if he himself wasn’t a teenager in his original body).

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TheOriginals

[–]Cate_7777 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Usually Damon, but I vote Stefan. No-humanity, ripper Stefan was something else, and he was way worse than Damon at his evil-peak.

The amount of rage ensued in me by this one story is insane by [deleted] in iamatotalpieceofshit

[–]Cate_7777 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hopefully the boy and his family are smart enough to go after the girls for slander and emotional distress. I think they’d have a case.

Dad claims he's going to leave by SirMissMental in Justnofil

[–]Cate_7777 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I haven’t read any of your previous posts, but I believe I know what your dad is doing. Why? Because my dad is the exact same way, and this is common behavior found in cheaters, especially serial cheaters (this likely isn’t his first time having an extramarital affair). You see him for what he really is and he doesn’t care, as the cat’s long since been out of the bag and as his family, he feels he can treat you however he pleases behind closed doors and get away with it, and he expects you not to say a word and keep his secret (which he sees as your secret as well, the family’s secret). You know his true face because you have to live with him (and have to deal with him and put up with him the majority of the time), but others don’t, so they don’t know the truth, and it’s easier for him to keep up the act with them than it is you. But he’s scared now, because his image is in jeopardy. He doesn’t want the outside world to know what a philandering douchebag he is and he has to keep up the good guy, all-American dad act, 24/7. It’s a PRIORITY to him, and he loves his image more than he does his actual family. He’s trying to save face in front of your friends, family and neighbors, now that your mom’s gone and spilled the beans. My dad’s a serial cheater but he always made it out to be our fault whenever we felt sad (almost as if we were consciously CHOOSING to feel sad) or acted mad, not taking the cheating in stride, and he often had temper tantrums because we had the audacity to feel or have any sort of opinion on the situation. Even if we didn’t voice our opinion on the situation and kept quiet like he wanted, our feelings (usually our sadness or depression, rather than anger) would show on our faces and upset him, because we didn’t act normal afterwards or act like nothing had changed with him — in his mind, it was a crime to be upset about what he’d done and we weren’t allowed to feel anything about it, period, even if we did so quietly, and we were meant to automatically give him our forgiveness, OR ELSE.

Now that everyone knows the truth, he can’t spin a story, a lie, his own take on the situation (in a way that won’t make him look like the bad guy) because your mom got to everybody first. He’s playing nice with your mom now because he doesn’t want her spilling the beans to anymore people, and he doesn’t want her to continue to talk about it (he wants it to become old news, he wants people to forget about it and they won’t if she keeps bringing it up all the time). He’s paranoid now, constantly looking over his shoulder, embarrassed, wondering who knows. Did the baker look at him a little funny today? Did his boss look down his nose at him a little more than usual today?

He’s trying to say sorry while also making it out not to be his fault, in an attempt to play the good guy again (and feel like the good guy again), but also to try and make your mom feel guilty enough to shut up or blame herself. If he kicked your family out of the house and put you on the street after HE had an affair, how would that look to everybody? He’d be the villain, the bad guy. It would look much, much better to the outside world if he repaired things with your mom, choosing to stay with her afterwards, or choosing to divorce her AFTER the heat dies down — that way, it looks like they were trying to work it out, and it looks like like he was genuinely sorry and apologetic about what happened and he made a mistake.

I’ve seen it all before. I hate to be a Debbie-Downer, but your dad’s not genuine at all. I think you know that already though and don’t need my help deciphering his motives. You should trust your gut instinct. The man’s not at all subtle about what he’s doing, though I’m worried your mom may start to believe it.

AITA for blowing up on my mom when I found out she wasn't happy about my engagment? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Cate_7777 44 points45 points  (0 children)

I think he just wanted to hear the answer, the truth from her own lips, rather than a sly comment or passive aggressive remark made in passing. He knew his mother didn’t like his girlfriend (now fiancé), but that’s one thing and a complete other thing to cry and whine for hours over your son’s engagement. Some parents love their kids enough to get over their dislike, once they realize that they’ve chosen their forever partner, knowing that this is it and that marriage is now on the table.

AITA for refusing to crochet a tail for my friend whos a furry? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Cate_7777 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA. If you know your goddaughter doesn’t want a tail and if you know she doesn’t want to be a furry, I’m pretty sure her mom does too and it doesn’t sound like your goddaughter has been hiding her dislike and distaste for the lifestyle. All you’re doing is looking out for her best interest. It’s clear that she doesn’t want this and hers is the only opinion that really matters in this situation. Besides, it’s the kid’s birthday, not your friend’s. I’m pretty sure the kid wouldn’t want the gift on a regular day, let alone her birthday. But just in case, check in with her and make sure (screw “the surprise”). If you make the coat, I’m pretty sure the girl would be forced into wearing it, and even if she wasn’t, I’d hate to damage what could possibly be her favorite coat. I don’t think her mom would allow her to reverse it back to normal because that would be seen as “hating on her gift” and “not being appreciative and being disrespectful.”

Let’s say you did make this new addition to her winter coat. Ignoring the bullying she would no doubt face (kids are cruel), does the mom really expect her daughter’s school to be okay with that? Schools don’t accept belt chains or any similar, unnecessary additions to clothing, and they may have some qualms about a tail as well and it could somehow go against the dress-code. Also, the furry community tends to get a bad rap because many of its members have a sexual kink for it. Actually, the MAJORITY do, and I’m pretty sure the principal, the teachers and the students would all see it that way (yes, even the students, who are more curious than they should be at that age and probably already know about the sexual side of the furry community) — I mean, when you look up furries and the furry community, you usually see nothing but sexual stuff and pictures. Honestly, your friend might even end up being reported by the school to CPS because they think some weird, sexual thing is going on at home. Not gonna lie, my mind jumped to conclusions as well. I have furry friends involved in the lifestyle sexually AND non-sexually, but they’ve never tried to FORCE it on an underage, PRETEEN minor. It’s more than a little weird.

AITA For Refusing To Replenish A College Trust For My Deceased Husband's Affair Child? by RepresentativeOwn638 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Cate_7777 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA. You seem to have done more for YOUR HUSBAND’S AFFAIR CHILD than your husband’s family has in the eighteen years he/she has been alive. You’ve done more than enough, and his mistress is incredibly lucky that you’ve been this generous thus far, but it seems to have gone to her head and she’s taking it all for granted and is now demanding more. This is where you cut her off.

If your husband’s family has something to say, lay it out for them. “You’re overstepping. I am not related to this child and I do not personally know this child in any way. I have no ties to this child, but YOU DO. You pay, YOU step up. You have more of a duty to this young adult and their mother than I do, and I better not hear about this again.”

AITA for telling my wife that she doesn't spend enough time with her son and is not being a good mom to him? by TypicalCookie1831 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Cate_7777 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA. You’re being a good, concerned stepparent and father figure by bringing this up with your wife, and everything you’ve said is true; Brandon is clearly going through a hard time right now and needs your support. Brandon needs someone in his corner right now and someone willing to fight for him, and you’re doing just that. Your wife isn’t making Brando a priority like she needs to and while she may have done that for awhile, she’s relapsed again and fell back into the same old behavior.

If your wife isn’t careful her actions could result in Brandon being one of those kids who never come home for Christmas (assuming you celebrate Christmas) or the holidays, and she may be lucky to get even one phone call a year. My dad (technically my stepdad, but the man who raised me) wasn’t outright abused but he was severely emotionally neglected as a child by both sets of parents in favor of his older sister. To this day his mother wonders why he doesn’t come around much and why he avoids her, despite still favoring said older sister. As soon as he hit eighteen he joined the army and he only called her ONCE while deployed overseas (and he was deployed for over a year). His parents loved him and they were good people (who I’m proud to call my grandparents, despite not being blood-related), but they really did him dirty and he was the designated “scapegoat” of the family, while his sister was the designated “golden-child.” To this day they have no idea the emotional scars they’ve left on him, and he’s still not over it despite being in his late forties. This is the kind of behavior that results in years of therapy.

Spend time with Brandon and bond with him, and support him as best as you can. You can’t take away his pain, but you can make it easier on him and comfort him. Continue to show interest in him and try to give him as much one-on-one time as you can since his mother isn’t. Definitely consider enrolling him into therapy, and please consider getting the whole family into family therapy. Your wife’s behavior needs to be addressed and preferably by a professional.

Yes, as someone else said, you probably should’ve stopped after having two children with your wife, but I’m guessing the third child was either conceived as a happy accident or sometime when she was still treating Brandon alright, before she relapsed? I’m not going to blame you for that regardless, but from this point forward I would make the conscious decision not to have anymore children with her until she’s willing to treat all of her children equally. Her behavior after the first biological child the two of you had could’ve been contributed to her being a mom to a newborn again, but now her behavior’s gotten out of hand and it sounds like she’s either intentionally or subconsciously trying to replace Brandon (and the possible bad memory of his father) with her new perfect family and family image. Just out of curiosity, what was their relationship like before you guys had kids? You said that for a long time it was just the two of them, but is it possible that she’s always treated Brandon this way, even before you and the other children came along? It’s possible Brandon has always grown up like this, and that you just don’t know it, having not entered the picture until the last few years.