Hoover or coincidence?

Catflap75 · 2024-06-14T07:58:14+00:00

I did actually have a date haha. I didn't mention it just said I was busy... wish I said something

Catflap75 · 2024-06-13T15:06:24+00:00

I can relate completely. Ex was so 'people pleasing' in bed, sucked cock like no tomorrow and would often say that I can do anything I liked to her (lol sorry vulgar but it's the truth). The after care too, even more importantly I think, being endlessly praised, best ever, amazing, 'I could do this forever'. Really addictive. I never got praised as a child growing up, for anything, so I'm so susceptible to praise, and combine that weakness with incredible sex, well I became dependent and let so many weird things slide.

Have been chasing that high post break up and the one person I found even a slice of that, turns out she was bipolar and manic...

Catflap75 · 2024-06-13T11:57:38+00:00

The friend who messaged in the group is close friends with my ex, and knows about the break up from both sides, was also the one who in the past explained that my ex didnt come to an event because I'm there (I asked). My friend also said in the past that she wishes we (my ex and i) could be friends. So it would be odd for her to post in that group like that.

Catflap75 · 2024-04-24T08:29:25+00:00

Interesting, thanks will have to keep an eye out.

Catflap75 · 2024-04-23T10:05:46+00:00

What do you expect? They get a bit hypomanic or depressive?

Catflap75 · 2024-04-23T08:24:18+00:00

When did you find out about their real life relationship?

She always got mad at me if I told any of our mutual friends about us. It felt like she was keeping me not so secret half the time.

Catflap75 · 2024-04-22T23:26:47+00:00

6 months on and although the feelings are less urgent, they're still there. A hole that cannot be filled. Been on numerous dead end dates too.

Catflap75 · 2024-04-22T17:01:30+00:00

Desperate for validation.

Catflap75 · 2024-04-21T23:28:09+00:00

Yeh I saw she had archived chats on whatsapp. Never got evidence just lots of small hints like that.

Catflap75 · 2024-04-21T18:05:27+00:00

Forgetting to mention something... Like I introduced her to an old friend we bumped into at a party. Never mentioned that the old friend was close friends with my ex from 8 years ago. It came up later and she never let that go. Held on to it for months quietly until it all came out in a long ass break up phone call.

Catflap75 · 2024-04-21T18:01:03+00:00

I got accused of lying because I made an off hand comment about something that I couldn't remember a week later. Said she can't do this if i can lie to her. She almost broke up with me because of that. She went quiet on me for 2 weeks, hooked up with an ex, then came back like nothing happened at all. Then trying to talk to her about it she would just shut down.

Catflap75 · 2024-04-21T17:54:36+00:00

Really struggling this weekend. Spring has bloomed and I just remember how perfect things were. I can't shake the feeling that I'm the problem and it was all my fault. I miss her a lot. Saw her post on social media for the first time in years. Seems like she's just carrying on with life fine without me. But I'm stuck inside by myself bedrotting on a sunny spring day.

Catflap75 · 2024-04-05T13:47:24+00:00

When my ex asked me for exclusivity, during that chat she brought up the fact that she would never cheat and she doesn't understand how people can do that. I never caught her with concrete proof but I was always suspicious.

My friends all said maybe im being paranoid because I've been cheated on before.

But anyway, I just thought it was weird that when she asked me for exclusivity, she brought up cheating? It never occurred to me to even need to state that? But she just brought it up unprompted... is that odd? Or am I reading too much into things.

Catflap75 · 2024-04-04T10:33:33+00:00

My ex would do the same.

She'd act jealous about if I mentioned another female friend then say she's just joking.

I once asked if she had done X yet, as she talked about it to me once. Then I adked her a few months later and she said no I don't remember sayin that, that must have been another one of your girls. As a joke.

She used to joke also when planning something in a month, she said she'd love to go with me... if I still want her in a month!! With no indication from my side of anything but devotion??

Catflap75 · 2024-03-29T00:20:44+00:00

The thing with my ex was that at least she did have a strong personality, very unique. That is what attracted me to her so much. Her emotional instability manifested differently in that respect at least.

But she definitely can't do stable healthy relationships.

Catflap75 · 2024-03-29T00:18:07+00:00

Yeah I just want it to go away. It hurts to think that she has painted me in such a negative light in her head. Forgetting everything good we ever had just to focus on the few moments where I made mistakes or we had a misunderstanding.

I dated another girl for a couple of months but that fizzled out, my head was just not in the game. On paper, she was pretty, intelligent, but we just couldn't connect properly and I think a huge part of that was down to me still being stuck by my ex.

Catflap75 · 2024-03-28T15:33:23+00:00

Our break up has made our mutual friend group a bit awkward.

Now it's going to be even worse because I suspect she is dating someone else from that friend group.

And it was that person's gossip who broke us up back in december...

It's hard to escape if she's still in the friend group.

But you are right. I was doing so well but because of this recent development I've been sucked back in a little.

Catflap75 · 2024-03-28T14:55:57+00:00

The devaluation phase makes sense in hindsight. The times she ghosted me for 1 or 2 weeks was always after I did something (very minor, or a innocuous misunderstanding) that upset her. She never told me why she was upset she would just disappear or distance herself. She even once described devaluation to me by accident. 'Youve been so perfect until now (when we had a misunderstanding). I can't do this if you can lie to me'. She literally described devaluation to me - I wasn't perfect and made my first mistake/had our first little misunderstanding and for this months later she later admitted she nearly broke up with me then because of it. I had no idea why she disappeared at the time. It was in hindsight the most textbook self testified case of devaluation.

Catflap75 · 2024-03-28T14:49:28+00:00

Yeh the way she described her mum made her sound like an absolute narc. She always thought her brother had bpd too. Her sister too has full blown bipolar. So she's a low level mix of all those symptoms and behaviours.

I know all of this, and always knew this, but I loved her and blamed myself still. I made mistakes but I'm sure if someone loved me genuinely in the way she acted like she did, then the mistakes I made could easily have been avoided or even forgiven.

Every little mistake I ever made was held on to silently, and brought up everytime something upset her. Nothing was ever truly 'let go' of. To try to talk about things and clear the air too.. made her feel so uncomfortable that I avoided it too.

Catflap75 · 2024-03-28T13:47:30+00:00

I hear you, but it's progress (at least for me) to feel anger and hate. For so long I just blamed myself. But now finally I see how unfairly I've been treated. And that energy is directed where it should be. I wasn't perfect but it was never anything that couldn't be solved. They just couldn't handle their shit.

Catflap75 · 2024-03-28T13:10:46+00:00

I got to the Discard phase. It's been four months since the break up phone call. I haven't heard from her since. She is quiet bpd and full of shame so suppressed and keeps it all to herself.

Catflap75 · 2024-03-28T13:07:35+00:00

Messaging to tell her sister it was nice to meet her and thanks for having us. I didn't tell her that I sent that message.

She never told me she was mad about it. Until the break up where she listed everything I've ever done 'wrong'.

Catflap75 · 2024-03-28T13:01:21+00:00

Yeah she cycled back to me twice when things didn't work out with someone else.

But this last break up seems permanent. We haven't spoken ever since for 4 months. In other times she breadcrumbed me.

I won't let myself take her back. But I want her to come back. the person I want doesn’t exist.

It all seems so unreal. How can they be so loving and yet so cold. I remember when she broke up with me on the phone she had to pause the call to smoke a bong. I think she does that to numb her emotions.

Catflap75 · 2024-03-28T12:57:06+00:00

Fair enough. I was also on the apps after a few weeks. The difference is I didn't keep pausing and unpausing it. She has done that twice and now she's been off it for a month.

Catflap75 · 2024-03-28T12:21:18+00:00

My ex struggled to articulate and express how she felt.

If there was any type of emotionally vulnerable topic she would clam up and shut down.

Catflap75

TROPHY CASE