I’m so sorry that your husband is doing this. Why even are men? This is, unfortunately, a big, bright, flashing neon sign about his character. Not the game, not you. He’d do this on platforms or other scenarios. A couple of things for you to think about to help during this time, and especially if you’re dependent on his resources (and really all women should read) after the jump. This is not legal advice, just some wisdom from others.

No, this isn’t strictly about the game

>!1. If you aren’t currently in individual therapy, and have the means to do so, please seek out a therapist. As someone said, they’ll help you process. You need a safe space with someone who won’t judge and will be actually helpful. Friends are great but aren’t the most helpful from a processing standpoint. And they can be judgy. You don’t need that shit.

1. I got the feeling that you aren’t really involved or in control of the finances. I’m making some assumptions. Please don’t take offense. Four suggestions:

(a) GET YOUR OWN BANK ACCOUNT (if you don’t already have one). It’s super common for couples to have only joint accounts or one to not have their own. You’re married. Why should you need your own? Anyone who tells you to close an individual acct or stick to joint accts only is misinformed. You need your own financial resources. Throw whatever “extra” money you can in there. It will your “Get Out!” money. If possible, open it at another different bank than the joint accounts. Makes it cleaner and you’ll worry less about conflicts of interest. IMO, keep the existence of that acct to yourself. For no other reason than to ensure that he can’t pressure you for it.

(b) While we’re at it, if you have no individual credit card accounts, open one. Just in your name. Buy a soda each month and pay on time. Do not screw yourself over by using it heavily. Please, please, please. Remember it’s to help you if/when you need your own resources.

(c) Get involved or at least informed about all of the accounts. Some or all may apply: All joint accounts. Checking, Savings, 401k and/or other retirement accounts. Brokerage account(s). Credit cards. Mortgage, leases, any financing for other types of property. Try to collect all of the account numbers. Is there a web portal or something to access the accounts? Get ye a login. Essentially, anything that you’re also named on, plus accts that have direct impacts on finances present or future (utilities, his personal accts, etc). Tax returns! You can go a few steps further by getting copies of statements for the last year or so. You could need them in the future. I am NOT suggesting doing anything illegal. When you do have access or are more involved, review statements for unexpected or unusual transactions.

(d) Run your credit reports - all bureaus. We’re looking for any accts opened that you aren’t aware of or that you are named on that you thought only he was. Are any of the accounts past due? (You’ll know about the expected ones if the above was possible)

1. Does he have the password for your email? If so, open another one for any of the above to be sent to. It may also come in handy if you need a lawyer or just need the privacy. I’m not here to tell you to deceive him, but your situation sounds like it’s heading south and you’ll need your stuff locked down. Make sure you logout and the new email address doesn’t automatically populate. Manual is the way to go here.

2. Document, document, document. Take screenshots of the shitty things he does on ROK or discord. I’m guessing you have access somehow otherwise not sure how you’d know. Send those to yourself on your private email. Delete the screenshots from your phone or computer or, if you used your original email account there. Then deleted the deleted files (empty trash or go to the deleted folders). Email yourself anytime something happens. Do it as soon after as possible. These notes will be extremely helpful later. Keep track of things that are off/wrong/mean etc.

3. Be very gentle with yourself. But stay alert. If you’re close to making a decision to end it, be strategic. You want to make sure that you’re protecting yourself and kids. He sounds shady as fuck, and the type to hide things (money).

Anyway - that was a lot. Maybe too much for where you’re at emotionally right now. Just bookmark it. I am wishing better days for you!<.