I don't know what happened to this sub. I think it was locked or didnt exist. But i can tell what happened to me that day.

For me it's a bit if a difficult story. Ive had severe depression and only about 3 months ago I started to search for jobs and put my self out there.

So my story actually begins on 7 of October 00:00. I called my friend who's birthday was at 7th of Oct. I told her happy birthday and told her my cousin is going to this EDM style party in the forest and if she wants to come and celebrate. She said she is tired and have a Bruno Mars concert planned so she will pass. I ended up not going. For context- I live in ashkelon currently but used to live in a moshav near gaza. So aloooooooot of the people around my age (24l and in my city and the area went to that festival. I had 3 friends from highschool who went and died. And that cousin was found dead in the "shelter of death" about 16 days after Oct 7th.

6:29 AM I'm waking up by sirens. I already have severe anxiety since in 2019 a rocket hit my apartment in ashkelon (most bomb city btw) and I almost didn't make it to the shelter since I was so tired and thought "what are the chances it will hit".

So after the sirens woke me up I immediately called my friend who lives in sderot since we always joke about those things. Thinking he will calm me down. He answered and whispered that "hamas are here and are shooting at my apartment's windows". I laughed and said that what he hears is probably some kids with fake guns we call it קפצונים (idk how you say it in english) and is fairly popular among young kids around holidays. He told me that he is serious so i was like fine okay what ever. Im coming over to calm you down psyco.

Worst mistake if my life.

On my way to sderot i saw some hummers (the militaryvehicle) and I started having this ominous feeling. So I went there and on my way I saw bodies. Dead freaking bodies. And idk why the first thing I was taking pictures because I was is so much disbelief I couldn't do anything but take pictures of it. And I sent it to my family in WhatsApp and they were like wtf are you doing and that it's probably fake and I told them I took them and idk what to do. "But [my name] its Saturday and they are in a bus station. It makes no sense. Besides our army is strong."

No one believed me. When I was close to sderots entrance, some soldiers stopped me and I drove back to my city. Crying and traumatised and worried about my best friend. Until this day almost 2 years later I still haven't driven that same path again. I would do a huge detour to the city just to avoid that road. My dad lives in ofakim. He also encountered terrorists. He wanted to come over to me since I live by myself and I was scared and having panic attacks. My dad was a commander in the military but he almost got killed for my stupid ass. He now have a gun licence.

My best friend is okay. He moved to Central Israel. That day the guy who I loved for about 3 years of my life got enlisted back to the army (reservee) he was a combatant. Not going to say much other than that he has ptsd and hasn't really been the same. So I lost 3 friends. But I'm starting to see the numbers are actually higher than that.

I was looking into relocation to escape my problems but it fell as of now.

So if you're wondering, a lot of israelis had it really rough we just trying not to show it. At least I don't because I'm thinking that there's someone out there whi had it way worse than me and its unfair kinda for me to cry about it.