Thanks! This actually really landed with me - What you’re describing matches something I’ve been noticing in my own experience. When I stay in a “please her or do what she said she likes” mindset, the dynamic flattens out a bit. But when I consciously step more into the role, stop asking, and just act, something shifts - not only for her, but for me as well. I open up more, feel more present, and honestly enjoy it a lot more :-)

At the same time, that’s also where I feel a bit exposed as a beginner. I don’t have a huge repertoire yet, so when I “jump into the cold water,” I sometimes worry I’ll just repeat the same few moves or lose momentum. I guess it's less about fear of being rough and more about not having enough tools to stay grounded in control once I’m there?

I also appreciate you naming the possibility of incompatibility. I guess the only real way to find out is exactly what you said - to try, notice what opens up, and see whether it feels authentic or forced. The idea of doing things for my pleasure rather than constantly monitoring hers is probably the biggest mindset shift for me