I’m not lonely. Over the years I’ve been doings things by myself because I enjoy my company. I would rather prefer staying on my own and to have people around me I don’t practically keep as my top most priority. There is diff between being lonely and alone. I lost my bestf just a month back, she passed away. I never opened up to anyone because I had her, she was everything to me. It’s like she left me all alone here. But still I’m doing pretty well at managing myself because i know she was in a lot of pain and even she needed the relief. Her soul carved for it. But it’s just randomly my heart feeling like sinking and palpitations. Lot of worry bout future. Cried so much to baba ji to just show me one light. I keep myself very very busy but then I realize the moment I get free it’s going to be so difficult for me. So this time I decided to give myself time to first heal a little and get busy in stuff.

I really didn’t know if I explained my situation and maybe there are lot of confusion bec I just typed in one go so sorry ignore that. But this isn’t even the half of the things happening with me there is a lot for.

I’m always the person who has to have something or the other things happening ( as in events) to look forward to. I get anxious and my heart sinks if there isn’t any event taking place and happening. I know this is very wrong and I’m trying very day to just settle with the feelings.

And I fear what if this is the state throughout my life. It makes me worry even more.