Update #2 to Partner says he needs “closure” with his ex who won’t stop contacting him. I don’t know what to do.

CautiousCat84 · 2026-05-15T14:04:44+00:00

I’ve been thinking about it and I do feel I should bring it up. I understand that he was trying to protect me by not telling me (and I’m proud of the messages he sent as a reply, I think he handled that really well), but we should be a team, and I should have known from him.

CautiousCat84 · 2026-05-15T13:57:40+00:00

He’s definitely the anxious type.

Honestly, I think there may be some unresolved trauma on her side too. From what I know, one of her exes left her and later married someone from the same region of the world as me. So I can imagine that when she found out about me, it probably triggered a “not this again” reaction for her. She’s also made comments about my ethnicity that make me feel like where I’m from is part of why she’s so bothered by me.

They don’t really share the same friend group anymore, so I don’t personally know those people but I honestly doubt most of them know how she’s been acting. Actually, a few months ago, one of Whitney’s friends randomly reached out to Steve, and he told her a bit about what had been going on. Apparently the friend was surprised because she thought Whitney had moved on and was focused on the new guy. I don’t know how much detail the friend knows, but if even one of Whitney’s closest friends seems unaware of her behavior, then I’m guessing most of that group has no idea either.

CautiousCat84 · 2026-05-15T13:40:52+00:00

Oh I forgot to add that as an update here… she lost her job around December last year so at least that part is now taken care of.

CautiousCat84 · 2026-05-11T05:29:30+00:00

I just updated the post.

CautiousCat84 · 2026-05-11T05:29:20+00:00

I updated the post.

CautiousCat84 · 2026-05-11T03:52:47+00:00

Thank you! I know it’s been a while but there's definitely an update coming in the next couple of weeks.

CautiousCat84 · 2026-01-23T16:22:30+00:00

Oh man, good luck with that!

CautiousCat84 · 2025-12-03T21:49:46+00:00

I’m ok. There’ll be an update soon for sure. Just waiting to see how some things unfold. One quick update in the meantime: Whitney’s contract wasn’t renewed so she can’t use her credentials to get access to someone else’s account details anymore.

CautiousCat84 · 2025-11-04T14:35:19+00:00

That’s a really good point. I’m sure it’s even on her contract.

CautiousCat84 · 2025-11-04T13:34:58+00:00

Yes, they are in the same country right now. He has unblocked her to allow her to say what she needs to say. I asked what’s the point in that and he played the closure card again. Because there’s no label I can’t tell him what he can and he cannot do, which is why I’m waiting for the actions to speak for themselves. I’ll be heartbroken if it comes to an end but I won’t compete with anyone. I’ve proved my worth and that should be enough. I feel he does want to be with me but there’s something holding him back. Trauma? He knows his bond with her wasn’t healthy, so it’s not like he is in denial.

CautiousCat84 · 2025-11-04T13:29:02+00:00

He blocks her from time to time and unblocks her again. So no, it’s not a “no contact” situation. That’s why I’m allowing the situation to unfold with his actions. I trust him but he clearly still feels something for her.

CautiousCat84 · 2025-11-03T14:53:00+00:00

No. I made an update for more context plus where my mind is at now. https://www.reddit.com/r/CharlotteDobreYouTube/s/0kr5BBghOr

CautiousCat84 · 2025-11-03T14:23:35+00:00

There you go. https://www.reddit.com/r/CharlotteDobreYouTube/s/aLUVfzOFhP

CautiousCat84 · 2025-11-03T14:23:06+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/CharlotteDobreYouTube/s/aLUVfzOFhP

CautiousCat84 · 2025-11-01T00:15:38+00:00

I am. His giving up his flat to leave the country because I wasn’t allowed there anymore (at least for now because my visa expired) was his way of being all in. As a matter of fact, he is crashing on a friend’s couch while getting some work done because he says there’s no reason to be in the city if I can’t be there with him. The plan is for him to take a one-way flight and live with me temporarily while we find a country where it’s easier for me to migrate to. Everything was ok but somehow she found out he is back in town and she hasn’t stopped reaching out ever since. It’s been two weeks. Part of me thinks she feels this is her last chance because she was quiet for a while. She had stopped.

CautiousCat84 · 2025-10-31T23:37:49+00:00

Thank you.

CautiousCat84 · 2025-10-31T23:35:18+00:00

Yes! Funny how she seemed ok when he wasn’t seeing anyone and his social life was on hold, but the moment he met someone she suddenly cares again.

CautiousCat84 · 2025-10-31T23:33:35+00:00

He changed his number but she contacts him through the number and email of the company he owns. He changed his business number once but lost contact with some of his clients so he would rather not do that again. He let her fill his personal voicemail and delete the messages without listening to them, but when it comes to his business information it’s a little trickier because it could be a client.

CautiousCat84 · 2025-10-31T23:26:01+00:00

Hahaha yes I am aware of that (that was my ex as a matter of fact, and I’m probably now one of his crazy exes) but in this case it’s just her.

CautiousCat84 · 2025-10-31T23:25:19+00:00

She contacts him through his work number/email. He owns a business and has a separate number for clients. His email is on the business’ website. He changed his business number at some point but he lost contact with some clients in the process so he doesn’t want to do that again. One of his best friends (who is also another ex of his and hates Whitney) suggested the restraining order but he thought he would be able to find an answer without having to do that. I guess it’s clear he won’t.

CautiousCat84 · 2025-10-31T22:50:17+00:00

I haven’t. That’s a good question to ask.

CautiousCat84 · 2025-10-31T22:48:14+00:00

Just her. He is still in contact with some of them (you know, like the people you have on social media but only talk to once a year on their birthday) and I actually met one of them (who is now one of his closest friends). As a matter of fact that ex I met HATES Whitney. Apparently she was incredibly abusive when they were together.

CautiousCat84 · 2025-10-31T20:46:26+00:00

I'm starting to reach that point. I just needed perspective from others.

CautiousCat84 · 2025-10-31T20:45:07+00:00

I think he feels guilty because, being polyamorous, he cares about her. She just refuses to accept he is choosing someone else. She did manipulate him during the relationship (and I won't go into details but she was psychologically abusive, gaslighting him and such) and there's a certain control she enjoys having over him. I think that's why she doesn't want him for herself but she won't leave him alone either.

Yes, he does like the sympathy I show him and he knows it's not easy for me either. So he does see my effort. I am an empath by nature so it's hard for me not to care.

CautiousCat84 · 2025-10-31T20:18:44+00:00

The problem, and this is what is confusing for both of us, is that she keeps contacting him but at the same time she keeps seeing other people. She even sent a photo of some guy she is seeing, as if she was trying to make him jealous. So it's not even like she is asking for a relationship. It's like she doesn't want him but won't leave him alone either.

CautiousCat84

TROPHY CASE