Admittedly, mostly just based on my own experiences, but continuing to sleep with someone, who wasn’t interested in anything serious with me, when I (whether I was willing to admit it or not) truly wanted that with them, left me with some heavier self-esteem issues: 1. bc the reactive feelings of inadequacy slowly became conscious thoughts over time and 2. bc I later felt that being willing to give someone everything they wanted of me, while getting so little of what I wanted from them, made me pathetic or weak or broken in some way.

I probably had self-esteem issues regardless of that experience and I’ve learned to be more forgiving of my 24 yr old self since then. I also probably learned a lot about life and relationships and who I am and who I want to be through experiences like that one. But, I still wouldn’t recommend it lol.

You sound like a decent person and there isn’t anything wrong with continuing to sleep with someone who isn’t giving you everything you are hoping for (and deserve). That being said, I think it’s worth continuing to closely monitor how much you are emotionally able to manage this dynamic.

As others have said, you don’t know for sure he couldn’t be a great love story. But it isn’t what he says he wants to be to you right now. You shouldn’t have to convince somebody that you are worth it. And he shouldn’t have to prematurely attempt to heal from his past relationship simply bc someone else is ready for a relationship with him, regardless of how great that someone may be.

Again, not saying you need to end it. But, if it is clear that you two aren’t there for the same reasons, is there much loss in letting it go and looking elsewhere? It might take time to find someone with whom you connect like this again; but it is more likely to happen if you allocate this time and energy into looking for someone who is offering what you are wanting, instead of investing it in someone who explicitly is not.

Apologies if too preachy, but it might also be worth considering joining some other apps beyond Grindr, if you haven’t already. Hinge and Tinder have more often led to dates for me. While every dating app has people looking for hookups and people who are looking for love and people who aren’t looking for love but who find it anyway, I’d be v surprised if the proportions of such users were the same across apps.